Judgment towards young cane-users

[chroniciconic]

I've recently had to start using a cane again after a few years of being relatively pain-free, and the political climate around disability seems to have changed dramatically in those three-or-four years. I've seen more suspicious looks and more snarky comments in the last couple of months than I ever did during my previous flare-up. Has anyone else noticed an increase in judgment towards young, often female, cane-users?

I'm not sure what it is exactly; it doesn't seem like the old "pull yourself up and push through it" or "you're too young to need a cane" kind of judgment that used to be so common. Instead it seems more like people are constantly trying to catch young disabled women out for "faking" their needs, especially if they're using brightly-coloured mobility aids as opposed to the typical NHS grey. It's not worrying me enough to prevent me from using my cane at all, but I've found myself far more conscious of both myself and other's judgments than I used to be.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for, really, besides some commiseration and the assurance that I'm not going mad and it really does seem to be getting worse. I'm just struggling to believe how much people's views have changed in such a small amount of time!

So true, it's really sad seeing such a lack of awareness of invisible disabilities and it means people are scared to use mobility aids. I use a mobility aid sometimes but didn't for ages even when I needed one because of judgement, even though sometimes it literally meant I was somewhere and couldn't walk. I have a purple walking stick and it's like yes I need it and yes if I have to have it why can't it be a nice colour. Like we buy cars and sometimes we want a car that's a specific colour because it's cute, it doesn't mean that's the only reason we have it. Again I have glasses, I need them so badly but I also decide to make them a fashion choice because why wouldn't I have glasses I find cute when I have to buy them.

I think a lot of it boils down to ignorance, like people don't realise how many disabilities are invisible and when people find out I have a chronic illness they go into denial or want all my medical info. Like young people cannot be disabled or something. Then they say I'm faking it for attention or benefits, as if I'd choose this. Or the other annoying thing of telling me how to cure an incurable condition like yoga or turmeric or running or even someone told me drink more water and it will stop my pain because it lets more oxgen into your cells. I got sick in my teens and have a progressive conditions so it just gets worse and worse. It took time to come to terms with ignoring this and that using an aid to help improve me life is worth more than stigma. Like otherwise they'll be so much I cannot do. But also it's because the stereotypes of sickness are that its acute, non-disabled people cannot fathom being in pain all day, if they had the pain we had they'd likely go to A&E. But it's because we're so good at masking like do you want me to scream every time I'm in pain - but then I'd be insufferable. So I can look fine when I have incredibly severe pain and that doesn't reconcile with ideas of sickness. They don't understand how small task wipe out our 'spoons', like even showering is so exhausting because of the standing, but small things take up so much energy and it doesn’t just make us tired, like fatigue is so different to not getting enough sleep. I think if they learnt spoon theory it would help them, it definitely was validating for me.

I also think then people like to think we've done something to deserve it or cause it at least because when they're sick they lie down, do nothing and get better through meds or they 'push through'. If it's someone else who pushes through (even though chronic illness v a cold isn't realistic) then they think the time we take off, or not always going out etc is us not trying hard enough to get better and that if we did, we'd get cured. When people recommend supplements to me (when they don't even understand my condition) and I say I won't try them because of x, sometimes people act as if thats me not trying to get better. If they're someone who rests when they're sick, they think we're doing to much and that's why.

Really it just needs education, like the stares I sometimes get if I sit in a disabled priority seat without a mobility aid (because I cannot stand for long and if I do its very painful) or when I use the disabled toilet. In some ways it's getting better though, companies are more aware of invisible conditions and have it on the signs of the bathrokm etc. But structural ableism is so widespread and it furthers interpersonal ableism . Also the only time people congratulate disabled people is when we are 'inspirational' like on the news, it will be they pushed through and they didn't let their disability stop them. Whilst what those people do is admirable, I think it contributes to a narrative that the only 'good' disabled people are those who push through and don't say I can't do something because of my disability. But there's nothing wrong with that, there are some things my disability means I sometimes cannot do and it's better to not push my body because it only makes it worse. It's not bad to rest when you need to and understand your limits but it's seen as such (when actually doing that can be the best thing you can do).

You'll be aware that walking with a cane is a 'look' for some people and not related to walking/gait/balance difficulty at all?
Perhaps they think that's true for you.

Plus the idea that we're faking our conditions and that's why we use aids. As if invisible disabilities do not exist, rather than being kind, people feel 1. They have a right to our medical history and anything they want to know and 2. We're faking it, we're not trying to get better, we don't work (which is fine and isn't a fun choice we make but one out of necessity) and we're a burden on society. Especially for younger people, because how can a young person have a chronic illness. I personally don't understand why people struggle with that either, because being young doesn't make you automatically healthy. We really need more education and more of a sense of rejection of ableism and advocacy for disabled people, but there's so much casual ableism (which manifests into dangerous beliefs) that it's hard to do that.

I can walk on a flat surface fairly easily but need a stick for steps - including getting on and off buses, tubes etc.
The worst, IMO: are parents of under 5s who insist they need a seat (when they could be put on their lap); parents travelling with 10+ year old children who HAVE to have a seat (even when they are taller than me); and women "of a certain age" (ie mine) who have shopping trolleys and therefore have to take up two spaces.
I have a fancy stick - because why wouldn't I? So it is seen as an accessory rather than a mobility aid. I also do ask to sit and have been refused (usually by the aforementioned groups).
Sneaky confession, when I haven't been able to sit (despite most around me being fully capable) I may have shrieked loudly going round a corner and given my hardest Paddington stare...still doesn't work.

Really? By whom? Okay, Chris Eubank may master a cane, but he's hardly going to travelling on the 355 to Brixton.

A consultant recently asked why I wasn’t using crutches when I quite clearly cannot walk without being in extreme pain. It’s because of the judgement. I basically don’t leave the house because I’m in pain and even with a stick I’m very limited. I’m also terrified of being seen outside by colleagues when I am on long term sick leave. My difficulties are classed as a disability but most of the time k can manage without a mobility aid and there are then periods when I am on opioids and extremely limited. I don’t refer to myself as disabled often, again because of the stigma and judgement. Surgery will decrease my pain and increase my mobility, but I will never get “better”.

There was a really long and unpleasant thread about this on here recently. Lots of posters believe that young women use canes for attention or something. Hopefully they're a minority.

I’ll be returning to work in the next few weeks and will need a mobility aid, I’m leaning towards crutches as they feel more legitimate? I should just suck it up and use whatever I like.

I'm afraid there is a movement towards cane use to signify that the holder 'identifies as disabled'. Its most often ND people or those with MH issues feeling they need a visual signal, but there's also increasing self diagnosis of balance issues (I think POTS ?).

Its driven by social media and hailed as 'the new non-binary' but is usually later teenagers not young adults. Several in our schools use a cane for everything except PE.

Use whatever works for you. If the reactions are due to a SM craze amongst teens it'll die out quite quickly.

I was going to mention this too.

I haven't used my cane, mostly because of that thread. Id rather push through what in experiencing, especially as even when needing the cane I look normal walking.

Please do use it if you need to. I didn't for ages for the same reason, but honestly it's not worth perhaps not being able to do something (which would be bearable with my mobility aid) or having more symptoms quicker when out. It's mot worth it when we already go through so much, I gaslight myself for years saying I didn't need it as walking got harder and I sometimes ended up having to get people to pick me up as I couldn't walk and was just in so much pain. It's hard especially the first times you use it but every time you get braver, please use it, even if it means you can get out for 15 minutes on your own. Sending love

@TheLivelyViper thank you. I’ve absolutely stranded myself previously, or come home and had to go straight to bed. It’s just and added layer of stress and shit. But you are very sensible and yes, I will get used to it.

Not where l live. Both my daughter and her partner use a walking stick.. my daughter a wheelchair also.. l.use a stick but im 66.. those two are 32.. no one judges them.. two attractive slim lesbians both with a stick / wheelchair... people here are mindful and kind.

I have never heard of this. If I’m walking about and I see anyone with a cane, crutches, white stick I just ensure I’m not in their way. I don’t think I even clock age/sex just an automatic ensure I don’t bump into them.

But most of the time it takes people ages to get a diagnosis, but they're still sick and disabled before they get it. That person may have POTS (much more than balance issues it's issues with the nervous system controlling involuntary responses so can struggle with breathing, heart rate and much more), but they're still being investigated for it, it doesn't mean they don't need the aid. Also there's some research to show ND people have a higher likelihood of autoimmune conditions, they may be using it for that. You don't know what condition they have, so until you know 100% they are not sick, you have no place to judge, they may not share their medical issues, so you don't know and they don't have to share their medical issues with you either to justify their use. Again people have similar unfounded judgements when people have a sunflower lanyard despite the fact it's meant to be used for that. I don't know about the students in your school, but I do know that many teachers knew nothing about my condition or issues, they may have thought why does she do x or always leave to go the toilet or other things when I had real and debilitating conditions. It all plays into a dangerous and ableist narrative that disabled people fake their conditions, are burdens on society, don't work hard enough to get better, or want to have a victim status and should rather push through and not just let their disability define them. Most people do have to identify as disabled btw, it's just something that is ongoing and persistent for more than 12 months according to law which covers a lot. Some people with my condition are not disabled, in fact they have no symptoms and it doesn't effect them at all or if it does it's only a little and not enough to be disabled. Others like me have very complex issues and symptoms from it, which lead to comorbities and mean I am disabled by my conditions but because not everyone with my conditions is, we cannot say everyone with x is disabled. Therefore, I did have to identify as disabled based on how ny conditions affect me, obviously this isn't always the case (some things are automatically a disability), but many things are not. It doesn't mean when people go to a disabled toilet or use a disabled seat on the tube or bus or a mobility aid that they're faking and it should never be your first thought.

I think the problem is those colourful/patterned ones people have. They obviously haven't been issued by the NHS and can be bought by anyone. Im not saying I agree with this, but I think users of those are more likely to face ignorance.

But that doesn't mean anything. Most of the time doctors will just tell you to buy one and get one. It's not like a wheelchair which is very expensive and so people need more help from the NHS. If you need one, then you need one, you don't always need to have it prescribed so to say. Many doctors will recommend you use it but won't outright prescribe it. It's like I have an eye condition and need glasses, so I get them. I could get very bland and basic ones so long as they do the job. But personally I wear these all day, every day, so I want them to feel like me and match my style, so I get a stylish and colourful frame (it doesn't mean this is my prime reason for buying glasses). It just means that I need to x so why not make it fun because if these are going to be on my face all the time, I want them to be cute and pretty.

That's the same with a walking stick (if you've read PP above you'll see many people struggle with coming to point on needing mobility aids often due to ableism and stigma but also because with chronic illness and disability it's a lot for MH) so for many people having something which matches their vibe and personality makes it more bearable and also makes them more confident because if you'll be using this a lot, most days when you go out, why not it be something that feels like you and then it's more bearable to use a walking stick or other aid. It does not in any way takeaway from the fact that person needs the aid, often it makes people more comfortable to use their aid. It doesn't mean that's the prime reason they bought the aid, they already needed a walking stick and so choose one that they liked. Again there are stoma covers which are white and bland and do the job, I know people who get very colourful design covers and have different ones they switch between because why not have it represent their personality. Plus it's not affecting you and you don't know anything about this person when you see them. You don't know their medical history and what they've been through and are going through and whilst they might not 'look disabled' (whatever that is as disability comes is many different forms and doesn't 'look' any particular way) they most likely are. So people should maybe have a first thought of kindness and interest in their style or the decoration of their aid rather than thinking their faking their disability. I'm not directing this at you personally, just the lack of awareness on things like this, (which is definitely more prevelant for people with invisible illnesses and disabilities). I don't understand how people initially react with casual ableist tropes of people faking it and not being sick as their first thought over kindness or curiosity over their style and the style of their aid. Lots more education is needed on this.

There was/ is a huge thread on here about it. Ableism, like the other isms will always exist unfortunately.

Why the hell shouldn't people use something that makes them happy?

Mine is a beautiful carved wood, not prescribed by the NHS, but I wouldn't want to use one that was, I'm a stylish person, being disabled doesn't remove that.

I use brightly coloured elbow crutches from Amazon. They're cheaper than hand-carved wooden canes! I am not young or stylish, however.

There is a fashion for using a cane, especially among young women. No idea why. There was a thread in FWR about young 'trans men' having to use walking sticks due to the ravages of hormone treatment. Don't know if that's the one you're referring to? The general tone was of sadness for young women becoming crippled by elective medical intervention, but the fashion aspect came into it as well.

Perhaps your scepticism would be better aimed at those who 'identify' as disabled for reasons of fashion and social signalling, muddying the waters of sympathy. With any luck it'll fizzle out, as such things do.

NO3392, like I said in my post, I didn't say I agree with it. Of course cane users should use the cane they want. It was an observation of how people are treated, particularly on public transport.

I find that people who know I use a cane don't care, but new people always assume I have had a temporary injury and ask me what I did - they are usually confused and a bit awkward if I explain it is longer term.

Thanks for all your thoughts and responses! It's both reassuring to know I'm not the only one noticing this, and depressing that these attitudes really are on the rise.

Interesting that people have linked it to being ND, as I'm autistic myself. I'm also hypermobile, which is why I've had to use a cane in the past, as well as a few other chronic health issues. There seem to be emerging connections between all of those groups becoming more and more evident, so I suppose it seems unfortuntely inevitable that more people will be combining their scepticism over neurodevelopmental disabilities and their physical ableism into this strange new combined beast.

It's funny that people think those with coloured canes are "faking" just because anyone can buy them, considering I got both my boring grey and black canes from regular pharmacies for less than fifteen quid. I have been considering investing in a nicer-looking cane if I'm going to be needing it for a while, so at least now I know to be mentally prepared! I suppose the "fashion" idea also links to the aforementioned trans connection and how they're often viewed by the general public, though only one of the trans people I know is an occasional cane user and has been since before his transition. He's also autistic, so I guess we're all out here filling some kind of stereotype to turn people against us. I don't know if the other thread will be enlightening or enraging, though, as I tend to stay away from FWR due to the way I've seen disability spoken about in the past.

Anyway, thanks again for your comments! I'm glad I learned a long time ago to ignore these sorts of judgments, but it does make me sad for all the younger women who haven't developed that thick skin yet. Hopefully it all blows over in another five years or so!