Disabled family financial woes

[Throwawaywaster]

My partner has adhd & bipolar and works as a nurse full time (band5) and I’m disabled on legacy SG ESA (cb) and ADP we’re being migrated from tax credits to UC. We have two high masking neurodivergent kids ( they save their meltdowns and worst behaviours for want of a better word for home both rejected for CDP - like dla because of this) I’m terrified we’re going to lose £700 a month from losing the tax credits and Scottish child payment because he earns too much for UC. The majority of tax credits pay for afterschool for my youngest as I receive an in-hospital treatment three days a week and can’t pick him up.

My partner is thousands in debt because spending is how he gets his dopamine hit. I control all the family finances to ensure bills are paid but I’m so scared I’m going to be down this £700pm and now we have to put larger amounts towards his fucking debt that he kept secret until the UC application. With cost of living we’ve already cut back to the basics - we don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t have holidays, takeaways, nights or days out, fun or avocado on toast with a shop bought coffee.

I used to earn well as a lawyer but my condition is degenerative and life limiting and with my treatment I’m truly incapable
of working.

I’m not sure I have a question I just need to see it out in writing and face the reality. I’m well aware there are tens of thousands in a worse off financial position. I’m just so scared. I don’t know what else to cut out and I don’t know how we pay off my idiot partners debt when we don’t have anything left to take from. I’m scared if we don’t pay it off quick enough that debt collectors will appear. I’ve dealt with these people in a professional capacity but I’m just not well enough to have to and idiot partner will do the adhd special of burying his head in the sand.

And now the govt seem to want to kick disabled people off their survival benefits too. How do I navigate this?

Would your children qualify for CDP?
If so I would reapply and find a way to provide the evidence. In England there are charities like citizens advice who can help you get through the form.

Again you may have to research if this charity covers Scotland but stepchange were amazing helping a family member get his debts changed to zero interest and onto a realistic payment plan & in some cases the debts were written off.
If you want to stay with your dp then you need to remove their access to credit or secret spending/gambling. This isn't pleasant, but they won't change and their impulses need to be curtailed otherwise you will end up in the gutter.

Have you looked at food banks etc? I know in the UK there is a good network but I don't know how it works in Scotland, sorry.

You might be better getting this thread moved to 'money matters' and making it clear in the title you are in Scotland, you might get more help there because that board is more active than this one.

What level of ESA do you receive. Is it the support group? If it is then they will automatically find you eligible for LCWRA which adds more money to your claim. If not you can apply for this by submitting sick notes from your GP.

There is transitional protection when you move to UC, but this might be lowered by deductions from wages.

You can get up to 12 months transitional protection so thats a start. I'd get advice from a debt charity to make sure his debts are well handled and your getting everything your entitled to.

If you contact a debt charity they can negotiate with your husbands creditors and he can have an agreement with them to pay only what is affordable

Thank you.

hos financial issue is his problem. It’s mostly overdrafts and credit cards. I had his credit card for emergencies in my wallet with his agreement so he cancelled it without telling me and got a new one that he added to Apple Pay. We had paid off the overdrafts a few years ago and he said he’d shut down the accounts and I suggested keeping £50 emergency overdraft but he just keeps extending it. We don’t even have an od on the joint account.

i can’t see how a debt advisory place would help him because it’s his sneaking around extending his debt that’s the problem. I manage to get repayment deals set up and then he fucks it up again.

The reason I posted here was in the hope that other disabled people who understood would show some kindness. The issue is my fear
over the loss of the tax credits and that’s the same law whether I live in Scotland England or wales.

I appealed the CDP decisions but was rejected again. I had an ex colleague from a law centre help and the said they’ve never known it to happen like that with such clear cut evidence in support.

Clearly the universe has something else planned for us. Destitution perhaps.

are you married? In other words are his debts your debts? If not would you be better as a single parent so he can't get you in more trouble. You might have more income that way.

Marriage doesn’t mean you assume the debts of the partner unless the debt is in joint names. I honestly wish MNetters would stop selling this myth.

oh OK. Every days a school day..

they are still a millstone round your neck dragging you down and drowning you all.
And why are you cutting family spending to repay them at the moment if they are his debts.?
I realise it is out of necessity but surely that means that they are your debts by default anyway .
So my question stands really . Would you be better off ( financially at least . I realise it is more complex than that with disabled children) cutting him loose to sort himself out ?
He could still provide practical help and support and you wouldn't have the constant fear and worry of it all hanging over you.

But he wouldn't be able to get into further debt if you weren't facilitating him by keeping the roof over the families head and putting food into your mouths. So any debt/unnecessary spending by your DH/DP has an impact on the family unit as well you know.

If you want sympathy not practical advice MN isn't great for that!

Your partners overspending is the reason for your debt and why you are in difficulty. I think you should leave and claim benefits as a single person. You can't expect more benefits to facilitate a spendthrifts debts. And there is no guarantee you will ever be financially solvent when you remain with this partner.

Good advice.

If you were my friend, I’d be telling you to leave your DH. I couldn’t put up with such daft behaviour in a grown adult. Particularly when you've already sorted debt issues out for him before.
How old are the kids? If they’re teenagers time to start looking for a part time job to help out.