Where to begin...am I fair in thinking that everyone now is atleast aware of hidden/physical disabilities? I say yes. Would it be fair to think that everyone also has a good understanding of the basic things you just wouldn't say or do in general as common decency respectful person?
I've never thought about this before in depth as I'm just a wouldn't dare be so insensitive, or risk it trying to be funny, or if you're not sure Shuddup, but if you don't ask you won't know kinda person that's my disability it's like having 3brains 24/7 and I still make sure through life, that I'm mindful and if I'm angry, it's just not even a level of low I'd ever go.
Anyway, mix this now with health care professionals and children's services. Well am I right in thinking that worker in that sector it's pretty vital to I'd say atleast whatever it says in some policy somewhere but I'm not even getting the bare minimum!! I've had my "mental health concerns" discussed by all these people for 4yrs now. The way it's written in reports and how many people it's shared with before I've even read myself then I'm looked at with all these puzzled faces on these strangers I don't even know their job title but they're relevant to be prejudging me and voting on what's best for my babies?? And then I get ""you're not what I expected" "you're not at all how it reads on paper"
It's been getting to me lately because they've taken my kids unlawfully and believe that's not even the worst of it! They've absolutely done everything it says everywhere that they don't won't can't against the law to me already. Finally the date of my private application to court, First hearing, help me just put a stop to it, and let me see my babies, withheld for 6months, by the ex that was violent in front of them, that it started with in the first place. Nope that's not what happened. They ended with requiring social services reports because he wouldn't agree me near them unless supervised even though I said alls I wanted was contact they can stay with him for now until I get new home for them.
So next hearing became February 2025!! While I'm rapidly approaching rock bottom yet again refusing to do anything now unless it suits me for once. I said if I have be supervised then I want to see them coming out of nursery for the first time, a nursery they was put in with out my consent and against my wishes. They said no! So that was a low level barny over the phone. Nothing out the norm. I've said I can't work with her anymore for atleast 8months but told it's tough.
I wake up to find there's a new hearing for an urgent order interim in favour of dad as mum refuses to co operate and I'm now upped from a risk to a DANGER!??
They ripped me to shreds in courts "I'm all over the place" "I go round and round but don't make sense" "I'm up and down" "she admits she struggles to us" "I abducted the children and withheld them" "I keep threatening to remove the children from dads care" "chronic alcohol" "refuses drug testing" "refused psychological assessment" "been offered everything" and I'm sat there in shock horror not being allowed speak so I butted in coz I'd already sensed the tone. I said she's lying and I was sat there with 15 pages of evidence facts real versions and it was just dismissed. Obvs they got the order. My ex was sat other end of the table riddled with cowardly guilt and honestly as I looked behind me I saw her tryna cheer him up grinning like a Cheshire Cat doing double thumbs up to him miming the words either you've/we've won behind her laptop.and I'm listening to them all talk to each other forward and back deciding I'm to have a cognitive assessment drug and alcohol testing again and I'm permitted 2hours once a week supervised with my children till whenever they want. From my private application I potentially could have skinted myself for to be rid of living like this for 6 month with no permission or agreement or rights and now my nightmare is court ordered?
They said we could leave I just put my head in my hands and cried giving time for them to go first. But oh no, I feel this hand on my shoulder and her bending down to my face to show caring and her asking if I'd like her to wait and walk out with me!? How I didn't upper cut her there and then I do not know but I just firmly said. DONT! And I look up judges still there with her shrugging her shoulders and arms to see say see there's just no helping her???
Well I'm what it says in these reports done deal. And he's brand new rehabilitated and now he's got the social worker and her manager in his pocket. No solicitor will go near it police never want to get involved but now they will.
It's been 3days and he's already said I can see them if I want but he was drunk and I had to say no and feel that pain of them always being in my reach this whole time but it comes with serious risks and consequences so if had to sacrifice their little faces to keep them safe best I can from a far.
The whole point was I'm so hurt and feeling so ashamed of myself but it's absolutely not him that's anything he's not already proven. I just feel abit like I thought people like me are more protected by this kind of treatment? It's no secret I'm very open about what I do struggle with or when I am feeling a certain way I've been quite capable for 17yrs how the hell has this now deemed me incapable of being a mum??
Christ that was long...