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Am i selfish?

3 replies

LillyMoonxo · 12/06/2024 19:38

hi everyone,
this is a long story but i’ll try and shorten it the best i can, i met a guy, i fell pregnant, he lived 200 miles away, so i stupidly moved and left all my family and support network behind, which was a stupid move due to me having Anxiety and bpd. i never imagined i’d be a mum, but i always try my best, but some days it’s hard to shut my thoughts off and i struggle to get out of bed, i already feel like a failure and punish myself everyday. i have abandonment issues and panic attacks and have a problem with my own company, i have always been this way and my kids dad knew this. he said he would support me, but he treats me like a burden.
he complains about how needy i am and how i am a grown adult so should deal with being alone, but i can’t shut the thoughts of impending doom off.
he says he needs a holiday and is going away, leaving me at home with the two kids and dog. i have no support network and i’m already terrified of being alone, i have cried my eyes out daily begging him not to go, but he tells me i am guilt tripping him. i am petrified of being alone, i have nobody to call. i also feel really hurt and disappointed, i understand he has his own life, but he should of let me go back home with my children years ago. ( which he won’t) i didn’t ask for any of this, i don’t mean to be a burden. i feel so lonely and like i am not being heard. his family pressured me into letting him go and that’s who he is going with.
he is comparing me going to see my mum, as a holiday for me, but i don’t get to see her for almost a year and i feel because he doesn’t have the same mental health issues, it isn’t fair :( am i being unfair? if he truly cared about me why would he think of a holiday? i can’t eat or sleep, i can’t stop clawing at my own skin, because i want to escape my own thoughts. i am so deflated with life. id rather die than have to be in my own company. I spend everyday stuck in my house due to not knowing anyone and being to scared to go out alone, i don’t get a holiday, i get to go see my mum once a year and because i don’t take the kids, he believes this is fair. but that isn’t a holiday it’s seeing my mum and that’s only because he won’t live where i am from due to not liking the area, i don’t ever get a break, he doesn’t work either, his mums paid for this holiday. i just feel let down and hurt, i want someone to care about how i feel😞 i’d feel okay if i had a support network but i don’t even have that, i am so angry he’s going without a care in the world, he has told me he’s going to all these places and i started crying, so he started laughing. i didn’t ask for any of this, i just want to be loved and heard 😞

OP posts:
PeppermintParty · 19/06/2024 15:25

Sorry, I don't have any advice, but bumping for you in case anyone else does. I didn't want to you to feel your post had been ignored.

LonginesPrime · 19/06/2024 15:36

He won't "let" you move back home despite that being what you want?

I think you should use this time away from him to make a plan and work out what you need to do to move back home to your family and support network. Obviously, it won't be easy and you can expect him to object, but I would speak to Women's Aid or similar organisations for support in leaving, Is there anyone from back home who might be able to help you move back?

Also, are you under a MH team you can contact for support? If not, I would contact your GP or local MH team and explain the situation as it sounds like you need far more support than you're currently able to access (not least as he seems to be essentially telling you to simply 'pull yourself together').

Use this time while he and his family are away to escape and get MH support, so you can start to build the life you want.

BeNavyCrab · 26/11/2024 11:21

It might help you to call the Samaritans while he's away or another charity that does befriendment calls. Knowing that you are going to be speaking with someone once in the day would give you something to look forward to and make it easier to bear.

Is it possible for you to stay with your mum while he's away?

I must say that he doesn't seem like he's very caring towards you and I would think carefully if you would be happier going home to your support network, possibly long term.

Is there a hobby you enjoy doing or would like to take up? It might be an idea to go to a night school course or join a club. Initially it will be scary but you will soon make friends and it will get better. Staying at home and not meeting anyone means you get more and more isolated and that can make it seem more scary than it is, when you have to go outside.
I understand how lonely it can be as I am severely disabled and rarely am able to leave home.
Everyone deserves to feel cared for and important to our partners and family. It's so sad that you feel like you aren't. Sending you a hug x

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