ADHD or busy life?

[Askingadvice100]

Could I ask advice please from anyone who may have been in a similar situation.

I have a number of friends who have recently been diagnosed with ADHD and when they describe the things that prompted them to seek a diagnosis I often look at myself and wonder if I might have it too. My husband often says quite flippantly that he’s sure I must have ADHD and that my brain works too fast as I am often jumping from one topic to another in conversations and I’m flitting from one thing to the next all the time. Although he is so excruciatingly slow maybe it just seems fast to him! (Opposites attract lol) Interestingly he once asked my Mum what she thought and she agreed that at school I was always in trouble for not listening and generally acting out (she assumed out of boredom as I was quite academically bright) and she concurred that it is a possibility.
So my question is how do you know that you need to seek a diagnosis? When I look back at my life before children I don’t think my brain was as cluttered as it is now, and surely all busy mums feel slightly out of control about all the plates they are spinning and the mental load that comes with being a parent these days? Having said that however, there are areas of my life which I feel disappointment with. I really want to lose weight but just can’t seem to stick to a healthy eating plan for long, often giving in the short term gratification. I didn’t do as well at school as I know I could have done, as I always procrastinated and just could force myself to revise until the very last minute. Even now I seem to be fire fighting in life and living in the moment (eg popping to the shop every 5 mins instead of planning ahead what I need) and I never get round to ‘project’ type things I would like to do. Then weirdly I have moments of hyper focus, for example I made and decorated a birthday cake for my daughter recently, and it was only after I finished several hours later I realised it was the first time in ages that I had focussed intensely on one task and that my brain hadn’t been racing around all over the place. It felt good! Is this just how all mums feel? And even if I did have ADHD, what is the point in seeking a diagnosis?

If you’ve got this far thanks for reading x

I can relate to this and contacted my GP who has entered me into the system to wait for an assessment.

I've been listening to the adult adhd podcast, which makes me feel less isolated.

In my (humble) opinion, I suspect that in the future we will accept ADHD as being as common as being left handed. What I'm trying to say is, don't simply dismiss your symptoms as a result of modern life. There is quite a lot of information out there now to absorb.... top tip, you can speed up audio books and podcasts to keep your mind engaged whilst listening!

@Askingadvice100 The 'point' in seeking a diagnosis if you are almost sure you have ADHD and your life is being impacted is finding out everything you can about it, finding out about yourself, acceptance of yourself and possible medication to help with whatever you feel the ADHD is causing you issues.

@LetsGoDoDoDo is ADHD not accepted then? Your analogy to being left handed is fairly odd so not really sure what you are aiming for with that comment?

You could be. It's worth getting yourself tested. Even if it takes years on NHS to get a diagnosis, it's worth the wait. I bumbled around wondering why I was such a chaotic underachiever for 59 years!!!! Finally got a diagnosis and have almost completed a project in the last few months that I've wanted to complete for thirty years! House is tidier. I've lost weight.

I had all the symptoms from teenage years but forty-five years ago, no one had heard of ADHD, I was just lazy, demotivated, disorganised. So was my mum. Far worse than me. We lived in absolute chaos.

Classic symptoms include: untidy house; inability to remember basic important things like appointments, the birthdays of people you really love; underachievement despite high intelligence; difficulty holding down a job; natural resistance to being told what to do or to following the pack.

I totally get the left handed analogy. When I was little in the 80’s having ADHD exclusively described very hyperactive naughty boys in my experience. It is only recently that I am learning that there are more subtle forms and that people may have masked symptoms simply to fit in and do as they are told and yet it is having a detrimentally effect on their lives. So yes going forward it’s not about accepting anything, merely the fact that actually a larger number of the population have it than we would have thought 30 years ago.

Thanks for sharing your experience, it sounds like it has been really positive for you getting a diagnosis. Could I ask why now you have managed to finally lose weight, do your projects etc. have you had any specific treatment or medication? Or is it just having a better understanding of yourself that has helped?

Oh also I got diagnosed, now take medication. I now understand myself that bit better and why my friends have always loved my authentic self and why my family do not love me for the same reason. Also lost weight too in fact.

Sounds very positive. Sorry that your family do not understand, I’m sure that is much more about them than you! X

I will definitely try the podcast, thanks for the suggestion 🙏

I'm on medication, since about 2.5 months ago. I've done more in 2.5 months than in the previous 2 years. Partly, I can stick to a schedule. I don't forget stuff. So many hours of my life used to be wasted thinking, 'Oh shit, I was supposed to be at X but I promised I'd be at Y too...' or 'Where did I put..?' or just dithering between doing one thing first or another. Or in a blind panic that I'd forgotten something. Or just getting distracted half way through one job by another, then half way through that job by something else so I never finished anything. (Not finishing things is another big sign) I used to freeze at making decisions about really tiny things. Shopping is the worst. I usually came home empty handed from shopping trips as the sheer volume of stuff just overwhelmed me. Now, I just chug through, getting stuff done.Still occasionally procrastinate or get in a muddle but no more than anyone else.

How does coffee affect you?
It isn't diagnostic as it only affects a subgroup of ND people, but some ADHDers find drinking coffee (or other caffeine) calms and smooths out their racing thoughts to a rate that meshes with the rest of the world a bit better.

My body doesn’t like caffeine! More than one coffee makes me feel jittery and wierd. I tend to stick to decaffeinated alternatives x

Caffeine does not bother me. I have two or three coffees every morning but even if I dont for a few days I dont get withdrawals its just my go to morning drink.

Your dh sounds a bit like mine . His mind is empty and his brain seems to work so slowly.

Life is overwhelming for a lot of women these days . We are over stimulated because we are surrounded by stimuli from devices that give off heat, light and sound .
Feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated is valid , whether or not one has adhd.

I am on tne waiting list for a diagnosis (99.9% sure I have adhd) and after two coffees or more could have a nap!! It definitely makes me feel drowsy rather than more awake x

Having supported DD27 to get diagnosed 3 years ago, I have now realised that I have ADHD too. I have masked my entire life, partly as I was a child of the 60s and partly because I had a sibling with very severe MH problems that took all my parents' time.
But I know I do. I'm just trying to follow many of the self help things and bring a bit kinder to myself about my self perceived failings now!

I've finally plucked up the courage to go to my GP about it on Monday. My DH, although undiagnosed, quite clearly has ADHD. He's like the poster boy for it. If you were to meet him you'd know exactly what I mean. It's was actually him that suggested I might have it when we opened up to each other about the mad shit that goes on in our head. It never crossed my mind that I had it as I did well at school and even managed to get a degree but apparently that's quite common in women as we mask better than boys/men.

It is affecting my every day life and especially work and when I look back I've always had issues but brushed them off as stress, issues with my job etc. Even when I thinks about my childhood there are quite clear symptoms now that there's an understanding that it manifests differently in girls.

I've put if off for long because I'm worried I'll be told I don't have it then how the hell to I explain my lack of focus, scatter brain, RSD and how do I get my brain to shut up. I'm also worried that the doctor will roll their eyes and think I'm just some nutter who's been ready too many ADHD memes on social media. My DH thinks the fact I'm worried about all this is probably a symptom in it's self. I feel like a diagnosis would make a lot of things make more sense and hopefully meds will help me. I know I am capable of so much more than I'm currently able to do. That's the frustrating thing sometimes.

Totally this!!! Thank you!

I guess that is what I am struggling with, surely lots of busy women juggling kids and work/life feel like they are in overload, how can you tell the difference between just that and having ADHD?

I'd like to answer this, please.

The difference between the levels of overload for assessment / diagnosis is that it impacts your life significantly in every area. Obviously, that's hard to quantify. There are specifics, and then there's the overall picture.

In order to answer this for you personally, your best place is the ADHD screener. Here's a link to it on ADHD.co.uk

This would be the first port of call if you went to a GP. It helps them to identify if you have sufficient traits to warrant being put forward for assessment.

With regard to what difference a diagnosis makes, it's huge in my opinion. It can help you understand yourself, open doors to support and access often much needed (specific ADHD) medication.

I always find it quite strange when people are curious enough to post about the possibility of being ND, but then say they aren't sure if a diagnosis would serve a purpose.

In my experience - and many others - if you're struggling so badly, you're usually desperate to be referred as you aren't coping and need to know why. Some women have breakdowns, or experience total burnout which then leads to eventual assessment and diagnosis.

https://adhduk.co.uk/?gad_source=1