I genuinely feel so stuck in life.

[Moonchild0549]

I just need some perspective on all this because I feel so lost in life and depressed too.

I’m 30 years old and female. I have a diagnoses of Autism Spectrum Disorder as well as Complex PTSD. Also possibly got OCD, ADHD and Dyslexia, all of which I will need further consultations for. I’m prescribed both Sertraline and Mirtazapine which are fantastic for my sleep but unfortunately have gained a lot of weight on these, and they won’t ‘cure’ me so to speak. I’m unable to work currently due to the state of my mental health but despite everything I still have an inner determination to eventually ‘sort my life out.’ I don’t know how realistic this will be though.

Every job I’ve ever tried, catering, retail, fundraising, working with kids, work placements abroad and in education have failed miserably for me. Mostly because I didn’t do the jobs well or the environment and tasks were just far too much for me, or I felt burnt out and tired, and employers complain that I am too slow, or I end up having a meltdown and getting myself into a state. Or that I came across as very sharp with people, but I really didn’t realise that I came across snappy and felt horrified when told that. (FYI, my ASD score was pretty severe when I got diagnosed.)

I’m really very good at art and obtained a degree in this subject field. However it’s really hard to find a job that’s art based, but this would be my dream if I was able to, something like tattooing.

However, my parents are not supportive of me doing any kind of work ever, even if my mental health assessments, and any medication given prove successful for me. My mum says this is due to the fact I have autism too despite the other conditions possibly being treatable, as autism itself can’t be cured so my personality and ability to relate to others won’t change. She also says that if I have another traumatic experience with working, it will set me right back in terms of mental health.

She suggested that I may have to be self employed and sell my own art. But I know from other people that it is very hard to sustain a living being self employed and I may not sell enough stuff.

My mum says that I should just be grateful for the benefits I receive, and can always give them back if I’m not grateful ect. That’s just not true, I am grateful for them obviously, the money is a lifeline.

The issue is, (and I really don’t want to offend anyone else who might be claiming money they need by saying it) but people like me are made out by the media and newspapers to be utter scum, and it makes me feel so guilty and angry with my situation to be having working people pay for my living. I may be out of order for thinking this. But I feel It would really knock my confidence and self esteem if I had to rely on benefits for life. I’d just feel as if I have no purpose whatsoever, and even more depressed. I really don’t want to just give up like my mum says I should.

I am also worried about being seen as a ‘scrounger’ or ‘lazy’ for never ever choosing to work again ( I know those are not nice words, and once again I don’t mean to offend anyone in a similar position) but I’ve even faced comments from a friend who told me ‘You, someone living on benefits, casually, generously, have not tried to minimise your financial losses by paying a greedy landlord’ because I needed to find a more suitable place to live due to my mental health, and anxiety because I couldn’t cope in a shared house, and had to pay outstanding fees for ending a tenancy early due to this.

They also told me that ‘living on benefits is not shameful, but not honourable either.’ I think he was more trying to say it isn’t anything to be proud of though. These comments just felt like he was kicking me when I was already down tbh.

I just really don’t want to give up on life, especially if I do manage to find medication which works for me. Would it be right to continue trying, or is there just no shame in accepting that I can’t ever work or will be very limited in what I will be able to cope with in terms of work?

Sorry for the long post.

TIA for any advice/insight.

There is no shame at all for taking the benefits, you have a recognised disability.

That doesn't mean though that your life would be without purpose. I would have a go at selling art, maybe in a very small way at first.

If you've not already, I'd suggest going a local art group.

Have you thought of doing a little volunteering too? Maybe at your local Museum or Art Gallery so that you can be around art?

It does sound like you might be better off looking at alternative sources of income rather than keep trying at jobs that don't suit you or utilise your abilities. Some people do make a living selling art and being self employed. Why not take the opportunity of having an income on benefits and the support of your parents and try to have a go at building a business. Maybe do some research on what might bring in money. You could also look at if there is some training that might help, perhaps in IT or design.

I’ve known some people in similar situations report a lot of benefit from Access to work, and sometimes neurodiversity work-related coaching for example.

I definitely don’t think you should give up, however your family know you well so you should also listen to their concerns. It sounds like it’s perhaps going to be important to make sure you are first fully recovered from any mental health episode or autistic burnout on top of the underlying autism issue, before thinking about getting back to work in any major day if you are managing day to day financially with benefits support.

I do think being self employed can be a good option for people who are neurodiverse as it allows you to be very much in control of your working conditions etc and have more flexibility eg to have a break if you’re feeling overwhelmed etc.

A lot of self employed people especially in arty type areas of work don’t make a lot of money, however it is of course possible to make a good living if you build up a business over time.

https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work

You like art....volunteer in a museum... national trust or English heritage?. Theres roles that arent always front of house.

Please don't feel ashamed of being on benefits. It is what it is there for. I am impressed that despite your considerable difficulties, you are not giving up. Most people would have thrown in the towel.

It is great that you are good with art. I do think being self-employed where you can control the timing is better. Are you able to sell craft on Etsy?

Alternatively, do you have a family friend that you can help out with who understands your condition and can cut your some slack at work.

Do you have to earn a regular living wage or are the benefits enough to get your through at a basic level. I appreciate benefits is not a lot at the best of times but not sure what your expenses are like.

I worked at national trust they are very inclusive and will aim at a role that sings with your strengths

Don't give up OP.

You are lucky to get benefits and have a supportive family. And to be good at something and be aware of it.

I think the way forward for you is part time work, ideally self employed so you can work around the bad days.

Supplementing your income with benefits will give you more security and will do wonders for your self esteem.

But whatever you do, don't feel ashamed for needing benefits. That's who they are there for, for people who need them.

Well you could live on benefits and be an artist. But that doesn't sound attractive to you.

All the roles you mentioned above have quite a high level of personal interaction. Would something that you can do at your own pace and more independently suit you? Could you use your art for something like graphic design or website design? Could a careers advisor suggest some other options?

You've casually mentioned that you've got an art degree! That a brilliant achievement and more than shows you have the skills and mindset to apply yourself in the right circumstances.

What about further study? A masters or even a PhD?

What about teaching art? You could do small groups or one on one?

I know you've said that your previous jobs haven't worked out but I wouldn't rule out trying again if the right thing comes up.