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ADHD/ASD judgement

2 replies

Jewelswill · 27/05/2023 18:42

Hi all, my 4yo is in a school nursery and recently I joined a chat group with some other mums they were in and my son and I were invited to a couple of things with them. We managed two get togethers before things went badly wrong, my son is being assessed for autism and will be getting a one to one when he starts school properly in September because he gets chronic overwhelm in the afternoons usually and will lash out or break things. We went to a kids party with these people and my son acted out a couple of times but everyone was saying it was fine and to stay etc and even tho every part of my body wanted to go I ended up listening to them. I stayed a bit longer and then I ended up leaving but before I did, one of the women pulled me aside and said that a woman had left with her child earlier on because of my child and everyone knew about it. She was telling me this “as a friend” but I felt like an idiot because I had no clue. I was keeping tabs of my child when they told me not to because he literally needs one to one supervision everywhere to keep him and others safe. He can play with others, but if he gets intense emotion over anything he explodes. The next day, I got a text from the party giver who said she wasn’t being mean but she was angry because my son had “ruined” her floor by spilling a drink and allegedly threw a toy which hurt her child’s back. I can’t remember my exact reply but I let them all know how upset I was, that I wouldn’t be going to any more events and then left some information about adhd and asd in the group chat before leaving it. Over the next couple of days they were falling over themselves with apologies and sent me flowers and a card but at the next school run it was so completely awkward. Then I went into school to speak to a teacher this week and she was very supportive and said that she had had several parents in to complain about my son (no prizes for guessing who, Altho the teacher didn’t confirm who it was, I’m not thick) and she told them that I had lots of things in place and he’s getting a one to one etc) I’d added them onto social media and they were all over each other’s posts and not mine, so I felt awkward (sounds petty probably but I have adhd and RSD so things like that are pretty big things to me, along with my gut feeling of course) anyway, I blocked them all on fb and then this other girl in the group added me as a friend on fb and it just made me deactivate my Facebook. Half term is here now so I won’t have to see them all at the very small school for a while but the whole situation is making me feel so sick it’s horrendous. I’m normally on social media lots and I haven’t posted anything in days on anything because I feel watched. What do you make of all this? My RSD weighs heavy right now :(

OP posts:
Jewelswill · 27/05/2023 18:47

I also want to add that I did apologise for my sons behaviour and explained for the millionth time that I did my absolute best at managing challenging behaviours whilst we were there and was getting reassured whilst all the while they were all fuming at me and my son. I just don’t get it

OP posts:
Alongtimelonely · 27/05/2023 19:07

It does sound like these mums haven’t handled this very well, perhaps they felt awkward too and didn’t want to be seen encouraging you to take your son home when he couldn’t cope at the party.

Perhaps you shouldn’t accept party invitations in the afternoon when you know your ds is going to be overwhelmed and end up having a meltdown, especially since your RSD then makes it very difficult for you to manage the aftermath. Do you take medication to subdue the RSM?

You have apologised, they have apologised, I think for your DS sake so you can salvage his chance of making and keeping friendships in a small school, you need to unblock your SM and rose above this situation.

meanwhile parents do have a right to complain to a teacher if a child has been aggressive towards their own child. All parents want to know their dc are protected at school and ensure the teacher is aware and taking steps to manage situations. So I wouldn’t worry too much about that.

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