Relationship when you have special needs children

[Lovebugs24]

Hi, I've never posted so please bare with me.
Iam a 40 year old dating a 50 year old man for nearly a year, we get on well and have talked about a bigger future together. He is a calm and caring man from my experience so far. We both have children. I have 2 special needs children that are teens and have done it alone nearly 14 years, there Dad is vaguely about but not much, I have currently a non molestation against him as he has anger issues.

When we met my BF was working 100 miles away he said this was very short term when we met, he has since said he didn't tell the full truth as he thought it might put me off starting a relationship with him. I have been very supportive of him helping him build his confidence and being supportive of him after a divorce and his on/off health issues. He has been supportive of me as well. He says he plans to live/work closer within the next 8 months or so when he has cleared a debt that he has been working very hard to clear for the last 3 years.

We see each other in dribs and drabs each weekend between him seeing his kids etc, he juggles alot and I believe he spends as much time with me as he can. He is attentive of me and gets on well with my kids. We are settled and enjoy each others company and simple things.

My issue I'm finding difficult is the fact he says he's only 2 hours drive away, and that he can come up if I'm ever stuck or need him, he has stressed this several times BUT hear lies the problem. Over the last matter of months I have put in a terrible time, having to get an non molestation order against my ex, having police visits etc on top of the care of 2 autistic teen children. Both children suffer PTSD type episides linked with there autism,Recently my 16 year old made an attempt with an overdose, thank the lord no damage was done and she will hopefully be getting specialist supports my 14 year old already sees mental health specialists due to self harming. During this time my BF keeps contact with me as always and says supportive things and that he's there for me, but in the big hard situations such as my child's overdose attempt he didn't even offer or ask if I needed him to come up, he would phone I'd be upset he would empathise how hard it must be and that he's thinking of us, the only 2 hours drive away if I ever need him doesn't seem to have much depth to it. I have now pointed this out to him and he apologised and said he was thoughtless as it hadn't occurred to him, even though he knows I'm fairly alone in all these hardships. This worries me, I have no complaints about him other than this stumbling block but would appreciate other people's views. I find it hard to process as he seems so considerate and I'm wondering if thoughtlessness is a trait in many men
Thank you

[PastMyBestBeforeDate]

He's lied to you, is in debt and is all talk. He might not be as bad as your ex but he isn't sounding great.

[Lovebugs24]

Added note: I have told my BF if the relationship as a package is all to much I will bare no ill will if he chooses to finish the relationship he seems upset at this and says we are a team

[inheritancetrack]

Have you tried asking this in relationships? I think they would be really helpful, as the ASC isn't so much an issue as your BF saying one thing and doing (or not doing) another. They will give you a real variety of answers and maybe some suggestions, so its worth trying

[Lovebugs24]

Things took another difficult turn (2 days after this post) when BF ended up in hospital with a Crohns attack. Stuck in hospital on drips and morphine and the prospect of a big operation has gave him time to think. It is slowly dawning on him that his hectic job choices away from home on top of his health issues is a had mix. I don't know what the future holds but am focusing more on myself in this difficult mix, I have to be ok for my kids.