Is it helpful to know your diagnosis (even if it isn't quite right)?

[sergeantmajor]

I'd appreciate advice from those who know, as I don't have ASD myself.

My DS was diagnosed with Aspergers aged 7, he's now nearly 20 and unhappily struggling to make friends at university.

We explained his diagnosis to him when he was 10 and he was interested and understood it well. But he soon rejected the diagnosis saying it wasn't right.

Indeed, when he was diagnosed, the specialist said that he didn't actually meet the triad of impairments, he just had one of the 3: social difficulties. And later when he had some counselling with an autism specialist they told me that in their opinion he wasn't autistic.

Now he says to me "what's wrong with me, why don't people like me, how can I change?" which of course is heartbreaking.

I am wondering if he has forgotten all about the Aspergers diagnosis and whether it would be helpful to remind him, to help him understand himself. But I am holding back because (a) I am not convinced it is the right diagnosis and (b) it may make him fatalistic - i.e. there is nothing I can do, plus it suggests the problem is his, not other people's.

So far I am saying to him: keep trying, you're fine as you are, you just need to find the people that you click with.

If you have ASD yourself, what is your advice? Would it be helpful to remind him that he had this diagnosis once?

Yes

I think an open honest conversation with him about it would help. Like remember this diagnosis but also explaining the doubts. It might inspire him to do his own research.

He might be interested in meeting up with other people who suspect they are neurodivergent or have recently had a diagnosis. On meetup the website they might have a group for people who struggle socially.

Thanks @languagelover96 and @Dorismargaret