After a lifetime of struggling with my mental health without really letting on to others around me I have been referred for an ASD assessment.
When I say not letting on, I have done some cbt and some counselling and have been given different diagnosis such as depression, generalised anxiety disorder, eupd and disordered eating so obviously those people know I have struggled but I very much don’t share that with others.
The eupd is what I dispute the most as at the time I was given the diagnosis I was at a very low low and I understand that I may have presented that way at the time but generally I don’t. And I’m not in denial about it, I would still accept that that’s the case if it was but it just truly doesn’t make sense.
I’m currently doing an emotional coping skills course related to the eupd diagnosis but it just doesn’t feel like it is the right thing for me. I will still continue with it unless they tell me not to because, well I’m not sure why, because just incase it is the right thing for me and I just can’t tell and also it’s just a thing I do at the same time each week now and it would feel strange not to do it unless they asked me not to.
Anyway, I have internally suspected ASD for a long time, I would call it Aspergers, but I know that’s not the term now. A few different people I’ve known have also asked me if I think I might be on the spectrum but I have always thought I’d sound like an idiot if I spoke to the doctor about it and I think most people that I know/have known and who know me would say that I was just a bit “weird but in a good way” (I know that’s not said nastily). I always thought I’d sound like an idiot speaking to the doctor about it and I felt like they’d think I’m just crazy!
I finally plucked up the courage to book a doctors appointment to speak about it and the doctor has referred me for an assessment.
It won’t be for around 12-18 months but that’s ok. It’s either a part of me or it’s not and the time lapse won’t change that but I’m so nervous already and can’t stop thinking that maybe I’m just imagining it.
It would just make so much sense of my head and my life and I think I could hopefully cope better with life if I know why I struggle so much and I would be open to accessing any help regarding coping with life and employment etc.
It’s so strange to type this as face to face in real life I don’t think most people would think I struggle but that’s (in my opinion) probably because I can only handle a small amount of time with others before I need to be on my own again and I am very good at pretending for those small amounts of time.
I don’t really know what I’m actually asking here!
I suppose is it normal to feel this way once you’ve spoken to a doctor and been referred for an assessment and also how do I stop obsessively worrying about it?!
Also is it possible that you have almost every “trait” of high functioning asd in adult females and when you read about it feels like you’re reading about yourself and that it just “fits” yet it could be something else and you’re just imagining that it’s asd?!