A friend I know through our joint hobby text to say she has been diagnosed ASD

[Disneycharacter]

I refrained from saying I've always known of course, but not sure what is the right thing to say.

I don't know her outside our hobby, but Facebook friends etc. She's a lovely woman. Not in a relationship and no kids. We never discuss private life etc.

Do I say anything or just carry on as normal. She's a bit quirky and you can see she's trying to 'read' situations before responding, and sometimes her responses are a bit 'off'. Never offensive and just a lovely person.

Should I do or say anything. Her diagnosis is new but she's late 30s.

I have friends who have had ASD diagnoses later in life - I've just asked them if this was a surprise and how they're feeling about it (so far the answers has always been "no" and "relieved"!)

I think you need to acknowledge what she's said as it's clearly a big deal for her. Sounds like it won't change anything for you though.

"Congratulations on your diagnosis" is a fairly usual response within the autistic community. If you don't know her that well then maybe something more neutral to let her know that you've heard and are supportive (i.e. neither thinking it's impossible nor that it's a terrible tragedy).

She clearly has anxiety which is understandable and something I'm sure isn't unusual in autistic adults, but is otherwise a professional intelligent woman. I think I'll just carry on as normal, and just bring it up in conversation if she wants to

My friends were really interested and how it affects me. One has now had her own diagnosis after us talking about it. We understand each other really well. My diagnosis gave me real validation that I'm not just shit at life. Now waiting for an assessment for inattentive type ADHD.

Definitely acknowledge, which I am sure you have already. And as you have said if she brings it up, but you could also be honest and just say I'm not sure if you want to talk about it but I'm happy to have a chat if you ever want to, and let me know if I can help.

Tell her congrats.

Not acknowledging what she’s said would be hurtful. I’d ask how she feels about it and be interested in her experience. If she didn’t want to share, she wouldn’t have told you.

Things not to say…

Oh dear
I’m sorry to hear that
We’re all a bit autistic / we’re all on the spectrum somewhere
Really? I wouldn’t have thought so
But you’re so sociable / make eye contact / have friends
There are so many diagnoses these days…

I’m sure you wouldn’t say these things but they’ve all been said to me!

I'm autistic and was diagnosed last year. Say congratulations! It's such a relief to be diagnosed age will be pleased and safe obviously wants to share and talk about it. Maybe also just say "how do you feel now?" And let her lead the conversation.

Personally I wouldn't congratulate - I didn't feel celebratory after my diagnosis, I felt angry. Just ask how she feels about it and see what she says.