Autistic with young children

[ArtisticAutistic]

I have 3 young children and work 2 days a week. I am really struggling with the demands of parenting and the demands of work. I feel like I am caught in a cycle of anxiety, meltdown, burnout and depression and I can’t be there for my kids the way I want to be.

I mask incredibly well and I don’t think people can see how badly I’m struggling. I have no patience with my kids and snap at them constantly. I give in too easily to their requests for sweets etc because I can’t stand them going on and on so I an inconsistent. At my worst, I can say hurtful things to them. I’m very ashamed of this and want life to be different but I don’t know how to fix it.

We had visitors to the garden last weekend for the first time in 6 months and as a result I spend the next 2 days shouting at my young kids and then had to take the day off work! I still haven’t fully recovered. When we have a holiday from work and school everything is different: I am kind, patient and fun. This is the mother I want to be but can’t usually because I am so stressed. I don’t really know what to do. Any advice?

do you have to work?

can any reasonable adjustments be made at work to make it easier?

It would be a considerable hit financially if I stopped working. I’m a teacher, so the pay is pretty good and so are the holidays. But reasonable adjustments are not really practical in education.

ahhh, yes. I could not teach again until the children are grown and out. there is only so much touching and mithering one can take in one day. (early years and KS1)

is there anyway you can have a decompression time between work and picking up your own children?

I think considering what is most important in life and dropping things that are too much. whether that is changing to a different form of work, or dropping some of the social stuff so you can work and look after your children. what can you cut back at at home? can you swap cooking for looking after the children say? (with a bloody lock on the door) are there any short cuts you can take?

I thought about batch cooking to make dinner less of a flash point and trying to have more of a routine at home. But trying to set these things up while feeling like this feels almost impossible.

Gosh, everything is such hard work isn't it.

I can recommend ready chopped frozen onions, and peppers sort of half way house to batch cooking.

I am shattered from a couple of phone calls and booking a vaccine, (see first sentence) so we are having a mix of fresh chopped veg, frozen veg, and jar sauce...

Just learning why some things are so exhausting when you are autistic and trying to cut myself some slack, but not doing so well.

Just thinking if you can afford to pay a little more to start the system of batch cooking off to give yourself a boost of energy to start you off. The frozen onion is not a lot more expensive than fresh per kilo compared to, say ready meals.

Also beans on wholemeal toast has all the nutritional elements of a proper meal. We had that at least once a week when ex left.

It is really hard to think of how to solve issues when life is exhausting and what to do to make it better.

And what works for one won't work for others. And it takes time to mull over an idea to see if it is one you can manage...

I am pretty sure Im autistic (daughter is ans shes just like me, my dad is...)

I tried to return to teaching and failed and couldnt work out why. But I really struggled with so much happening at once. I used to be fine with it and go on adrenalin when I could come home and crash but now theres3 family at home and I cant do it all.

I have 2 very good degrees but a low income and regularly feel Im failing at life now.

Sorry not much help!

Hello actually I am a granny who needs advice. My 4 year old grandson has recently been diagnosed as having autism -he is a bright little boy but does not engage with other children-he plays in a group but there is no one to one interaction. His mum is really upset at the thought that he will be bullied and will not have friends as he gets older. Is there anyone who has an older child that has autism and has improved as he got older ie has made friends and can have a one to one conversation. Thankyou

Start your own thread in Sen Chat Cooper. You will get more replies. But yes mine has made friends. Sometimes I wish they hadn't.....