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Fellow autistics - how do you experience love and jealousy in a relationship? Please help me out!

3 replies

AutisticID · 06/04/2021 09:21

I’m autistic, late diagnosed in my 40’s. In a (same sex) relationship whereby we see each other at weekends but my (NT) partner would like to see me more often, which I find difficult as I’m a parent and so my children obviously come first, and I like a routine of when I see my DP so prefer set days. I jokingly said she needs a Monday to Friday girlfriend and then to see me on a weekend. She got upset that I would be ok with that and not feel jealous or upset that she was with someone else. This led to a discussion which I think revealed I only feel sexual jealousy - if she were sleeping with someone else I would be upset, but I can’t imagine how you feel love without this aspect. How do you know you love your partner? For me it’s because I know I want to sleep with them and no one else. So it seems my idea of love and jealousy is linked to sex, where as for her it’s the idea of sharing your life with someone. I wondered if there were any fellow autistic women out there who felt like I do or have a way to explain how you feel love in a relationship?

OP posts:
PinkBuffalo · 11/04/2021 16:29

I am autistic as well, but I was diagnosed very young (I not remember)
I have never had a relationship! I would have no idea where to start tbh
I get confused sometimes cos I love my friends very much, but they say that is not relationship love, but it feels like it to me
I maybe start dating soon cos lockdown been lonely by my own, but I need a lot of help and my friends say they help me with dating maybe cos I not know what to do
It is really hard isn’t it?

sixtyfiveoranges · 12/04/2021 10:44

I'm autistic and have been reading about alexithymia recently. Your post made me wonder if this could be an issue for you? Alexithymia is when people find it hard to identify and differentiate emotions, and is quite common among autistic people. I wondered if this could be why you and your partner don't have the same understanding of what love and jealousy mean, but I might be wrong - just thought it was worth mentioning in case it's not something you've come across.

PinkBuffalo · 12/04/2021 17:29

sixtyfiveoranges I think that is what they have always said to me and why I can get overwhelmed because I do not know how I actually feel a lot of the time. I know when I happy 🙂 or sad 😢 but sometimes i have no idea (why had major issues trying counselling!)

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