ASD assessment advice please? Do assessors take into account learned behaviour/masking?

[FuckYouCorona]

At fast approaching 50, I'm on the waiting list for NHS ASD & ADHD assessments. My DC are dx ASD. Initially, DD2 was dx ADHD & the nurse suggested I look into this for myself. It was a huge lightbulb moment. I subsequently received an ADHD dx, but it is not recognised by the NHS.

I'm finally at the stage now where the DC have left school so I have a little more time to focus on getting my own dx sorted at last. Both my DC present differently to each other, but they share my traits between them. They are both way more together than I was at their ages. Probably partly because they have support at home, which I did not.

I am worried that I have picked up too many coping strategies & use too many scripts, which I've perfected over the last 40 odd years that they may not dx me. I really need this confirmation finally, even if I don't end up doing anything with it.

Do the assessors take all this into account? Do they have an understanding of how women with ASD/ADHD present so differently to men/boys more nowadays?

Also, I don't have anyone able to speak about how I was as a child. DM is long gone & dad is still around, but may not remember back that far. Probably the only person who may be able to help would be my DM's best friend, who knew me from when I was about 13. What happens if I don't have this input? The person who is able to speak up most about me will be DH, who has known me for 15 years now.

Any pointers on this much appreciated.

A friend who's known me about 20 years spoke for me. Find someone who is able to accurately see difficulties in the three main areas: sensory, rigidity and routines, social. I did not choose ex as he is likely autistic and can't see the bloody obvious sometimes.

The assessment was form based. They were really difficult as it requires you to be self aware enough of your differences to NTs which is difficult if you grew up in an autistic family (my dad likely) with autistic children and ex. If you have a NT friend it might help.

Also two one hour interviews via phone/ video. Very difficult as you have to talk about the area's you find difficult. So remembering when you did shit things because you are autistic.

Thanks @BlackeyedSusan, sorry for the delay in responding. I think DH is going to be the best one to speak for me. (My ex is same as yours.) DH knows me very well. He can't see anything "wrong" with me that is putting people off. I have asked him straight out many times to tell me, but he can't/won't. He does know all my issues though so will be able to provide examples about all those areas.

I get what you mean about the difficulties of being self aware enough of differences between me & NT's when coming from a largely ND family. This is definitely my issue too. We all had our own different issues at home & I struggle to see where I did something deemed inappropriate because instead of being gently advised & guided I was shouted at & hit. This is another concern of mine, because my family home was abusive in a number of ways, I fear that I'll be fobbed off as PTSD. I'm not saying I don't have PTSD, because I likely do, its just not the reason why I've struggled through life. I think I need to downplay how bad my homelife was. What do you think?

I am making a huge crib sheet to pass onto the assessor & use as prompts during the assessment. Every time I think of something I try to write it down straight away. Its going to be pretty long.

my crib sheet was enormous. that is what I took to the Gp to get past the gatekeeper. I was told by an older women, diagnosed older, that it would be useful getting a diagnosis as , as you got older you were no longer able to mask.

I took a ton of info in when I first saw the GP too. He didn't send any of it with the referral so surprise surprise I was turned down. GP probably hoped I'd leave it there, but I've been fobbed off too many times so that wasn't happening. I saw a different GP who emailed everything over & finally got on the waiting lists Autumn 2019. Was told 18-20 months for ADHD & 20 months to 2 years for ASD. Not heard a thing since unsurprisingly, due to covid. I may chase them up soon.

I heard nothing from, yes you are on the list for two years then a here are your forms we need them back in two weeks... (just send the fuckers out a month early will you? )

my report had recorded that there was no developmental history. I am in my fifties, it is more difficult to get a history from someone who needs care and in a care home.

I don't have early memories really. The earliest I can think of are just glimpses from about 3 or 4. Nothing of use really. As soon as we get to school age I'd probably be able to answer straight out questions that may prompt memories. I hope so anyway!