Divorce - impact on autistic kids

[lborgia]

Hello, I'm asking the question in the adult SN area, because I'm wondering if anyone can give insight in to being a child with neurodiversity, or any needs actually, with parents who divorced.

It is such a cliche that couples with children who need extra support end up divorced, but actually, I'm acutely aware that this is a driving force in my staying put.

I'm pretty sure that DH and I have our own degrees of neurodiversity, but I am struggling so hard with being utterly miserable. It has become so much clearer since covid because I have felt pretty lonely for years, but feel even lonelier with him here but not engaging consistently in anything he's not interested in.

I'm really cracking, and have got to a point where I can only imagine it would be easier apart.

I just can't imagine what that looks like, but more importantly, how will it impact my son/s?

Sorry very long, but bottom line, I'm terrified of making things worse for them (setting aside the heartbreak that overwhelms when just writing this down).

Anyone?

Hi OP

I can't give any advice but just to say I am in your situation exactly.

And, feel free to PM me!

This is from the my perspective as a patent so may or may not be helpful:

How old are they? My ds’s were 6 and 4 when xh left. It’s my eldest who is currently being diagnosed (I’ve suspected ASD since he was a baby). He’s actually sailed through the whole thing, I think because it was done calmly and in logical stages.

Eg Daddy needs to find a bedroom somewhere else as he can’t keep sleeping on the sofa. So he moved up the road, but still came back for all the school runs. Then daddy got a girlfriend, all good, then they moved in together, all fine.

He never witnessed any arguments and we didn’t do a formal “mummy and daddy don’t love each other anymore” conversation, as they were so young and I thought it would be distressing.

My youngest, though only 4, instinctively understood more and became quite angry with me for several months (this is normal I think towards the remaining parent). However he fully settled down after that.

Neither of them ask about it, sometimes I’ll make reference to when daddy and I were married etc, and they know that divorce is getting unmarried.

They spend 2/3 nights a week with him and have never complained or seemed stressed by switching between homes.

So imo it can be done without too much disruption. I hope that helps.