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ASD diagnosis in adult women: was it helpful?

12 replies

Happilycrazy · 08/12/2019 09:19

I am 95% sure that I have ASD and, possibly, ADHD. I am pretty high-functioning and have a family, career and some modest wealth, although recently I've been crippled with depression and anxiety. Actually, I have probably had anxiety all my life, but only recently it started manifesting in panic attacks and worse...
Having been unable to get an NHS referral, I am thinking of going privately, however, making and attending medical appointments has always been a huge challenge for me. Therefore I would very much appreciate your stories on how useful was your diagnosis for you. Has it changed anything in your life? Were you able to adapt any aspects of your life, receive any support from your family or employer as a result? Please tell me it was worth it!

OP posts:
fruityconfusedhotdog · 11/12/2019 06:57

I was diagnosed privately in my early 30s. Like you, I have a career and family and had suspected ASD for a while.

My reason for seeking diagnosis was really just that I wanted to know, as opposed to be able to access any type of support, and in that sense it's been great. It's allowed me to be much easier on myself: rather than beating myself up if I struggle with something or don't quite get it, I know there's a reason.

toffee1000 · 15/12/2019 01:58

I was diagnosed with ASD in November 2017 at 22. ADHD followed in June this year, a week before my 24th.
Never had a boyfriend or any kind of romance whatsoever - I also have social anxiety disorder. Not had a job either, but I am looking.

Diagnoses have helped in the sense that they were confirmation of what I was sure I had. My mother has always been very supportive (she came to my ASD diagnosis appointment and the ADHD one. I did a civil service internship in the summer through an ASD charity and I felt they were really helpful, and I am mentioning the diagnoses in job applications (am applying for civil service jobs). Hopefully when I actually get a job my employer will be helpful too.

I have found the diagnoses hard to come to terms with in some senses, but hopefully I’ll be more positive when I have a job. I’ve been seeing a counsellor since February (it was through her I got the ADHD and social anxiety disorder confirmed).

TheLadyAnneNeville · 18/02/2020 09:22

My adult diagnosis of Aspergers confirmed what I suspected and made me less inclined to self criticism. I’ve always felt I was inept socially and just “useless” despite having had a good career in a very people oriented profession. I was excellent at my job but anything requiring a social event from work had me scrabbling round to find excuses NOT to attend. I had friends through my job but they were “at work”. I still find it hard to manage crossovers of any sort. There are friends I have had for years who’ve never met each other.

I think it can be useful to know. It won’t change your life per se but I’m glad my GP referred me.

larklight · 03/03/2020 15:41

TheLadyAnneNeville is the friend crossover thing a common autistic trait? I've been pondering getting an official diagnosis for years & am 100% sure I'm autistic based on everything I've read, AQ score, etc. I've not come across this trait, but it's something I completely identify with. I'm very anxious about different areas of my life crossing over, to the point that dh and dcs have never met my work colleagues, a couple of other social groups I have through hobbies have never crossed into other areas of life, and I rarely invite anyone to my house because of this. I'd never thought that this was part of autism, but it makes a lot of sense...

aphrodites · 06/03/2020 20:29

I don't understand why you've not gotten an NHS referral, did they refuse or is it simply waiting times? I just asked my gp to refer me and only gave a brief description. I have my assessment next month and I think it'll really help me understand a lot of my issues (I also suffer with anxiety and low mood). Get treatment for the anxiety in the meantime, I'm on sertraline now which really helps with a lot of the symptoms and my panic attacks have so far been kept at bay.

ProudAS · 10/04/2020 18:09

I was diagnosed as an adult (went private) - it saved my job and my marriage.

Scautish · 12/04/2020 20:16

Diagnosed mid-40s. Was absolutely 100% worth it. As others have said, the self-criticism diminishes and I am far more confident at just being me, rather than trying to be the person that society demands (and not doing a good job at that either)

I am fairly open with my diagnosis especially in professional circumstances as it helps others understand me more.

It has been life-changing without a doubt.

NonnyMouse1337 · 17/04/2020 09:03

I was diagnosed as having ASD last year (mid 30s), although the consultant said I'm on the higher end of the spectrum because I appear able to hold down a job and don't have any major mental health issues.

I have strongly suspected for a number of years that I am autistic as many aspects of my childhood and adulthood fit the criteria. Like others, I pursued a formal diagnosis mostly for peace of mind.

Only my partner and maybe 2-3 other people know. I haven't told my employer as currently I don't have any major issues with the job. If that changes - like being asked to relocate to a noisy open plan office - then I will use my diagnosis to support my request for some sort of accommodation.
That was the other half of my motivation to get a formal diagnosis - in case I had difficulties or issues crop up in my job, then an actual diagnosis might help in getting employers to take my requests for help seriously.

I got the diagnosis through the NHS. I have always heard of how long some women have had to wait, but my timeline seemed relatively quick.
In October I visited my GP with a long letter explaining why I wanted a referral to a specialist and described what I felt was evidence of potential ASD. We had a chat and he said he would make the referral with my letter attached.
By November I had received an appointment letter saying I was to meet with a consultant in January.
I had my appointment in January plus a second one in March, and was given my diagnosis then.

There's zero support for adults who are diagnosed, but it's a relief to know exactly why I've been an outsider my whole life and why I have struggled so much with the sort of things other people appear to deal with easily. And my mental health has actually been very poor for most of my life. It's only been the last few years that I've slowly arrived at a more stable state since I accepted that I'm most likely autistic and started living my life around that fact.

I struggle with friendships and maintaining close relationships with people, but I've heard it can be easier with others who are also autistic. So I'm hoping I can meet more people like me and maybe find someone I enjoy interacting with. My partner says I write very long emails / messages which is probably what puts people off, and that makes me sad, but I'd like to think there's someone out there who would enjoy it like I do.

Oh, neither my ex-husband nor my current partner have ever met any of my colleagues and I hardly ever talk about my personal life at work. I do keep my different social circles very separate from one another and the few times there's been a tiny overlap (like two different people joining me for the same event or show), I've found it really stressful. Smile
I was also a bit weirded out when my partner said that I've never shown him where I work. He took me to his office once (I didn't want to go...), but I've never done the same. I don't see the point? Is this something people in relationships do? Neurotypicals are strange beings. Grin

BlackeyedSusan · 04/05/2020 10:46

I am waiting waiting waiting, a year and a half now.

NonnyMouse1337 · 04/05/2020 15:49

Sorry to hear that it's been taking so long for you, BlackeyedSusan. Sad

TheNationalToastBoard · 05/05/2020 17:37

I was diagnosed on friday.
The last part of my assessment was via a mix of videolink and phone call.
Weird, but.
I was diagnosed with adhd five years ago. Slipped through some cracks, moved home, missed the asd assessment they were going to do.
Also lost my adhd diagnosis - lost my paperwork and something wasn't transferred when I moved.
So I was also rediagnosed with adhd last November.
Whilst I didn't know about the adhd, I was suspected as being on the spectrum from my teens, so it's not been something I've had to really come to terms with - I already know most of the important stuff about that.
However, it is like a part of me has relaxed and has stopped trying to mask things so much.
I think once lockdown is lifted and life resumes, I might have more to say about it. But right now, it's just nice to know.
I have complex mental health conditions, some of which are no doubt related to how hard I've struggled to do what's expected of me and be someone I'm expected to be.
They've said they really needed to know because of the therapy they're trying to tailor for me in order to help me to organise and manage my life.
I suppose I'm happy.
The markers for my being assessed for anything, came as a result of my losing grip of everything, the older I got and the more responsibilities I was expected to take on, as an adult, then as a mother, and so on.
My life had to completely break down before the right psychiatrist realised what it was.
I can't comprehend anyone with adhd like mine, being able to hold down a career, and family, and typical mental load of running a home.
I know that some adults with asd can.
I also know that some people do just manage stuff better.
I hope some of this has helped at all.

TheLadyAnneNeville · 27/05/2020 18:15

@larklight. In my case definitely. My absolute worst birthday was many years ago when a friend got my friends together for a surprise “do”. I never spoke to her again following as it caused me such huge stress. She connected with me briefly on Facebook but we swapped a few messages and then I just stopped. ITS NOT PERSONAL. It’s just all out of kilter for me. We had some friends over for food just before lockdown and I truly hope I don’t have to do it again any time soon 😊. Individually, I’m fine. A group... very very hard. Too hard for me.

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