When does ASD become controlling behaviour?

[Danceintherain2018]

Asking for a friend.

She's been married over 20 years. Recently discovered that her husband has ASD. He has always been very controlling about certain things e.g. The volume the tv can be at, nobody can talk when he is talking, everyone must look at him while he's talking (so not allowed to even have mobile phone in hand), no music/singing are allowed etc, only his songs on the car radio as he's very funny about noise. The D.C. not even allowed to eat ice pops when he's around as he hates the noise of it crunching!
The other thing he doesn't get at all is emotion. Can from 0-100 in terms of screaming anger and then doesn't understand why everyone is upset.

He says this is his ASD and I'm not disputing that it probably is, but I just wondered with anyone with experience of this could advise when saying it's his ASD is just a way to control the family and get his own way.

You can have ASD and be an asshole, the two are not mutually exclusive. ASD does not automatically mean the person concerned is a control freak.
Does the guy have an actual diagnosis, or has he just self-diagnosed?? If the latter then it sounds like he’s using ASD as an excuse for dickish behaviour.
ASD should NOT be an excuse for being horrible and controlling. Yes, people may find noise intolerable and find emotions difficult, but (ideally) they need to compromise, if they are to have a successful relationship with an NT.
Relationships has had its fair share of women moaning about their AS husbands, and I completely understand. They usually recommend a website called Different Together which your friend could look at.

My son with asd is not allowed to behave like this. He probably would if I had always allowed it. He wouldn't now, he says Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory is "too rude".

SO in short, yes, ASD can cause the complaints the husband has. It doesn't cause him to be an asshole control freak, he's doing that all on his own.