Too warm to be autistic

[daftyburd]

Today I had my NHS assessment and I have no diagnosis. Assessor said on paper it looks like autism and can understand why it would be suspected. However meeting me in person I am just too warm and engaging a personality. Also the older I’ve got the more I’ve seeked social interaction. I’m apparently just a slow burner with some social anxiety. Oh and it’s my high intelligence that probably causes me to not fit in. Jeez with all that warmth, brains and charisma it’s weird I have no friends or partner to discuss this with.
I don’t know what to do now. When I read all the accounts of women diagnosed late with autism the penny dropped. Suddenly my life made sense. Now I’m just back to being...what? I don’t know where to go from here.

Oh dear. It’s a classic mistake to think that friendly/outgoing people can’t have ASD. My friend’s brother has autism and is very friendly! (Not met him, but I know about him).
Women with ASD are more inclined to be social/better at masking their symptoms. They tend to want to make friends but poor social skills/anxiety etc make it difficult. Eg I’m pretty friendly, but I have pretty bad anxiety so it doesn’t come across like that. I’ve really wanted to befriend people in the past but again, anxiety.
Sounds like this assessor wasn’t very clued up. Sorry you got this result. It may be awkward/difficult but do you think you could go elsewhere??

I don’t think so. I waited nearly a year for this appointment. When I’m in a better financial position I may seek a private diagnosis. I’m not sure.

I'm pretty sure that you are entitled to a review or a second opinion. NICE guidelines on adult autism mention it.
Paragraph1.2.16 on this page www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg142/chapter/1-Guidance#identification-and-assessment (scroll down a bit)

I'm sorry to hear you've not got answers.

All I can suggest is go private - you might be able to do that on-line?

CAHMS are useless - if they diagnose you they'll have to do something. Although I'm not sure what can be done for Autism? I understand that a diagnoses may put you at peace, but it won't change anything.

I am going to go private. I disagree a little on nothing would change. I won’t but I’ve found since I’ve started looking at the possibility I’ve grown much closer to my mum. I think that she’s always felt a little bit responsible for my mental health problems, anorexia etc. I don’t blame her at all. She was and is a good mother. I was just a very independent child. Very quiet and certainly not one for hugs and kisses. In my own wee world and happy with my books. She worries that I think she favoured my younger brother who was sociable and cuddly. I really don’t as I was in my own head and didn’t feel jealous and looking back I can see he would be easier to love 😃. It would give her peace of mind to have the diagnosis. Myself I already know

dadtyburd have you booked an appointment yet?

I agree that a diagnosis will give you peace.

I'm going though the ADHD pathway & keep getting glimpses of the past where I think 'oh so that's why that happened.

Be interested to see how you get in & also diagnosis, recommendations etc.

You need a second opinion.

I was diagnosed after Christmas. Up to that point, I have had a long career in the nhs. I started as a student nurse and finished 26 years later as a senior sister. I am not very sociable but masked brilliantly (I think) as I had the intelligence to copy what was necessary to function with neurotypicals. I have a few friends who’d describe me as quiet initially but once settled, good fun and good company.

I think you may have slipped through the net, OP.