Am an aspie, have reached wrongly to something and now a friend isn't happy with me. I feel like shit and don't know what to do now :-(

[KeepItAsItIs]

I have aspergers, only 2 friends know. Something very minor happened at school which blew up and now a friend has pulled out of a favour and isn't happy with me.

Basically, I was talking to 2 friends in the playground (one knows I'm an aspie one -
Friend 1, 1 doesn't - friend 2). I was saying how I had the flu jab today and my arm was hurting to the point it made holding my bag difficult. They both made comments along the lines of "oh get on with it you wuss." I just felt really really pissed off and called DD and walked as to stand elsewhere. I felt I would say something wrong if I stayed as it just triggered feelings of being belittled and dismissed, something I struggle with hugely.

After a while friend 2 can over and was a bit like "oh come on (not in a reassuring way, more like a get a grip way) and I said I am pissed off and just need to not deal with this right now and I could feel myself 'bubbling up', there were a lot of people around and I felt on the verge of crying and panicky. She told me off for swearing, which I apologised for, then said "let's just leave tomorrow." She was picking DD up for me as DS is doing sports elsewhere for the school and it finishes at school pick up time. I could talk she was really not happy with me. Then friend 1 came over and I had them both trying to talk to me and friend saying she didn't mean it and went to reach out to me. By this time I was barely keep I it together, a headache was starting and I said again I need to just leave it.

Friend 2 then left, friend 1 stayed as it was parents evening so a needed to go into school anyway. As she knows about the aspergers I said I don't always take it as a joke and it triggered feelings of being dismissed. She was really reassuring actually and said she is always joking and she would never want to hurt me and would feel mortified of she did. I said friend 2 wasn't picking DD up now so she said she can but it means DD misses half a day of school because at is picking up her DS at midday to come and watch the sport. This has all been sorted so I'm grateful to her for doing this.

But now I feel awful. Clearly I've overreacted hugely. But friend 1 thought friend 2 was out of order for just pulling out of a favour over it. I don't know what to think and I just want to hide from the world and still feel upset over it.

So the point of this post is....I don't know really.. I just needed to get it out. But do other aspies find themselves doing stuff like this? Was what I did really really wrong?

Title should say reacted not reached. Stupid phone!

I’m not diagnosed but have traits. Thought I’d better say that since you are asking other aspies...

My boss at work “jokes” like this. It upset me at first but I didn’t say anything, just smiled awkwardly. Now I know she is like that with everyone and it just means I’m part of the team.

The thing you did “wrong” I think was walking off after the wuss comments. You did this to avoid triggered feelings so it was the right thing for you to do, but to an NT person I think that was seen as the “wrong thing”. It would have seemed like an overreaction.

After that, going solely on what you have posted, I think Friend 2 was completely out of order pulling out of an already agreed favour. If I made a “joke” with a friend and they looked upset and walked off (presuming I could tell they were upset! ) I would apologise and check my friend was Ok, even if my joke was harmless and funny, and friend was completely overreacting. A joke stops being funny if the subject of the joke doesn’t find it funny in my opinion. Friend 1 sounds like a good friend to me.

Don’t worry about it anymore. Friend 1 understands, and friend 2 overreacted more than you!

"Ok, even if my joke was harmless and funny, and friend was completely overreacting. A joke stops being funny if the subject of the joke doesn’t find it funny in my opinion. "

This is exactly my point. When you upset someone, no matter how stupid or trivial it is, I do think you need to acknowledge it when someone gets hurt or upset by it.

Today I had a message from her about her picking my child up! I was baffled because she said 'let's leave tomorrow'. I told her i'd made other arrangements based on what she said and she said it was a shame and I should have messaged her!

Bloody confused now. She said I said about taking to her in the morning, except that was her, she said tomorrow not morning and I don't take my DCs to school so would never have been speaking to her in the morning. Having an aspie brain means I remember details word for word so I always get thrown when others change details. This is why peopling is sooo exhauting at times.

I love that - "peopling is sooo exhausting". Yes it is. I thought about emailing all the parents of my childrens' friends and explaining that they had to contact DH for the foreseable future because I'm finding it all too much, but my sister advised against this because it could get taken the wrong way.

Ha ha, Springer, I know what you mean. Sometimes I get very confused when I say something and DH will say 'you can't say that' or I've said something that I know I don't mean any harm and it's been taken in a way I had not intended.

Maybe we need t shirts that say 'Peopling is so exhausting' .

And I haven't dealt with the situation. I've just avoided E altogether. I just can't deal with this shit and I'm rubbish at it! The psychiatrist who diagnosed me pointed out I am socially immature and since he said it has kind of hit home that I really am.

T-shirt for me too pls