What's reasonable?

[tobee]

My grown up dd has come to live back home after studies. She has always struggled with organisation and keeping her room in an acceptable state. If you were my dd, how much would you think you could reasonably achieve to keep it manageable or better in your room? How much should I help? It's a massive tip but I'm trying to get her to feel in control of it and to feel that it can be a pleasant place to be rather than a constant, overwhelming chore. I'm not a tidy freak by any stretch, but I think a tidier room would be helpful.

Meant to say she's waiting for asd diagnosis (or not) appointment.

Sorry if it's a stupid question I just wondered if I should be backing off etc.

I would start by asking her.

Thanks for the reply. I have asked. Many times. In different ways. The reply is normally "I don't know". I just don't want to impose my ideas but it's getting ridiculous, occasionally dangerous, and expensive (laptop screens being trod on several times). Plus it's getting so bad that it's going to seem impossible.

You could start and ask if there is anything she doesn't want you to clean.

How specific are you being? Like are you just asking do you want help tidying (or similar). I'm terrible with vaguer questions, I need questions to be very specific. You could try that unless you've already done that. Also I have specific days for doing certain things. Maybe establishing a day for different things might help. As in if someone says we'll do such and such, but doesn't specify a time and/or day I can't deal with that, so saying we'll do such and such on whatever day in the morning or whenever helps.

Thanks for you for your suggestion rio, I've been suggesting putting stuff in bags so she sorts one at a time and it's more manageable for her but being specific might be just the ticket.

She's keen on a new carpet and redecoration but that seems a way off right now.