Living independently

[tobee]

I was just googling asd and high functioning autism living independently. The statistics that came up were quite shocking. It claimed that only a very small percentage of those on the spectrum live independently. I just wondered if any of you lot think this is what you'd expect. And also, to nosily ask if you live independently, if you struggle with this etc etc. I'm aware that the results from my googling probably included the entire range of the spectrum.

I have lived independently but I feel like I could as I've one handedly run our household for the last few years alongside raising the kids. There are small things I'd have to potentially ask for help with but most things I've learnt now. I wouldn't have the tidiest or most organised house but I think I could keep us all alive.

I lived at home during uni but my parents worked a lot and I did a lot of cooking etc. General house things I had to learn but I think I've mostly got them now. DH fell ill 4 years ago so I had to take over pretty much everything. I suspect it took me longer than others to learn these things but I have done it.

My dad left when I was 7 so my mum did teach me a lot of practical things growing up so I could manage on my own. I suspect this helped and I will do the same for my Kids.

Why are you asking?

Because I wanted to see what mumsnetters thought. It is not what my previous questions on these boards have led me to believe. Dd is 22 and is in the early stages of being assessed. She has lived away at university very well in many ways for 4 years but is incredibly messy and disorganised. I hoped it was something I and professionals could help her with. She is keen to live independently and I want her to be happy and fulfilled.

I have previously googled about jobs and people with asd and it was similarly bleak. Posting on here I received the opposite information. I partly wanted to know because of dd but also because I thought "who is coming up with these bleak assessments online? Where do they get there data?" These are statistics they are using about high functioning autism.

It will vary totally from person to person. Each autistic person struggles with different things. Some will struggle with things that make it very difficult to run a house, some
Will cope with occasional help, some will be fine but maybe chaotic.

Thanks for responses. Basically I think I'd much rather hear people's personal stories if possible than read statistics and I've find these boards very insightful.

You need to remember that the autistic people who use Mumsnet are mostly parents, fairly literate and cognitively at least reasonably able, meaning we aren't representative of the full range of autistic people.

Messy and disorganised isn't a bar to independence, she just needs to learn what works for her, the hardest thing is trying to work against ourselves and be like other people. Paying for a cleaner/PA might be more useful than any therapy!

I lived independently, (semi) 4 years at uni, then I owned my own home before I met DH. I managed okay with finances. I find keeping up with cleaning difficult! Now DH and I work together but I work PT and do most of the household stuff - food shopping, meal planning. However we recently moved house and DH sorted all that because that's beyond me! I also live close to family which helps with school runs and babysitting.

I agree with pp, it's totally possible for some people with ASD to live independently but it varies between individuals as ASD also does.

Thanks again for your responses.

Just as a side comment, because dd is pretty self contained I didn't have worried about her living at university. And was I proved to be correct there. Ds, who is apparently neurotypical, and is due to start university in September, I worry will cope less well.

I think there is still so much lack of knowledge about asd (me included). People seem to think it's about difficulty making friends, social anxiety etc. Not so much about the difficulties with personal care and poor executive function.

*didn't have many worries

With personal care I had notes to remind myself to brush my hair/teeth for years until I formed the habit. Took me longer than most but I did it. Now I can't not do it because it feels wrong if I don't.

Forming a routine through prompts has helped me with a lot of things. It's hard to establish the routine but once it's become habit I can't deviate so things get done.

I'm still messy and chaotic in some things but I've established routines for the important ones.

Dd has problems with teeth and hair. She used to have that with showering but changed her habits a few years ago and now can't imagine being any other way.