I am anot absolute idiot why do i have to be this way

[Whirltime]

I have aspergers syndrome so not sure if this has a part to play but I do know anxiety and panic does.

I have a 3 dcs 2 with sn had a awful time with professionals schools ect with my eldest which also has not helped my anxiety.
I have a 3 year old with development delay and possible autism and learning disabilities.
Picked him up from nursery they said he had done a poo on potty and expected me to be over excited but I wasn't as he has done this before 3 times in the last 12 month each time just before a bath. He will just say I need a poo and go on potty. Then we think yayy he's got it and try potty training and he won't successfully use a potty again for months and months and get upset from all the accidents we end up putting him back in a nappy. Tried to explain this was why I wasn't cheering but failed miserably.
Then they tell me inclusions teachers happy with cue my anxiety kicking in me making sure that doesn't mean they think he's fine and doesn't need help.
Why can't I just be like yay. That's brilliant. I am so scared that one day everyone's going to say no he's fine he doesn't need help and walk away. I don't want anyone to mess up another of my childrenseason life. They did this with my eldest and left him till he was 2 and half years behind before they went back to supporting him properly.
People are going to be thinking I am being unsupportive and wanting my dc to be behind but I don't and I don't want them thinking I am.
I am such an idiot.

Lots of parents of kids with SN have to fight for the help they need. You aren't alone in that. If you go to the special needs board you will find people who can probably help better with regards to finding out the best way to fight for your sons care.

You may struggle to get yourself understood but you need to keep going. Try writing things down. I find this helps me as I can organise my thoughts better. Another thing would be to push for the assessments and have someone else come with you so they can help you fight your corner.

You can do this. I promise.

Thank you for your support
I was having a rough night last night and feel a little clearer this morning. I have book in my bag for writing things down and I should really try to remember to do it.
My mum said she thinks they were saying he's doing good for him. She said that people don't understand how I am because of what I went though with my eldest and gave me a super supportive pep talk this morning which is a first for me normally she tells me I over think or am to negative so that really helped. I think shes finally understanding I can't help the way I am but try to be better.

You are so not an idiot!

It's completely understandable your experience with your eldest has left you worrying. Though even without your experience I wasn't always yay at successes with ds2 as I'd already been through enough of him doing or saying things as a one off and it never being repeated!

whirl it is so stressful dealing with the system the first time but then facing it a second time is even harder.
I find it really harder challenging school's understanding of my child too. It makes me very anxious and that makes the whole thing worse
Glad your mum has been helpful

Thank you both.
It's really nice not to feel alone.
Just done the nursery drop off and he was really reluctant to go in ran off 4 times and hid in women's toilet we had to convince him to come out and go in his room. He just kept saying stuff like nursery are asking for trouble and nursery is dangerous and I don't want to use potty they forced me too. Nursery seemed off we me too. Am trying to nother get over anxious shout it and brush it off. Going to try read a book before I have to go back see if I can distract myself.

Did they force him to use the potty? ds2's nursery didn't push or get involved with potty training until I deemed it was the right time, he was 4 & 8 or 9 months before he could use the toilet to wee (and we've still work to do on using the loo to poop).

They said he said he had pooped so went to change him and he hadn't so asked him if he would like to try the potty he said yes and did a big poop on the potty and was very proud. He just kept saying after no poo no potty. When I changed his nappy at home later on he had pooped again but was adiment he hadn't.
Pooping is the only thing he has manged to do on a potty weeing he never has and when he wees with no nappy on he seems totally unaware unless the wee hits his legs then he gets very upset. He hates being wet and dirty.

Also they have mentioned a few times about potty training but I don't want to push the issue with him when he doesn't have any signs of being ready apart from the 4 times in last 12 months using potty. The rest of the time he seems unaware of when he needs to go.