Any other parents here on the autistic spectrum/ sensory processing issues?

[Kiwimiri]

How do you deal with overstimulation that naturally comes with having children? I love my children dearly but I find it a challenge when my 2 1/2 yo is running around shrieking, or touching my face etc... all normal behaviours and I don't see other parents struggling to manage, but I have to work very hard not to show my natural reaction - hopefully all my kids see is normal parenting and boundary setting (with the shrieking) and not the freaking out that is happening inside. Any strategies that you use?

Bumping with the hope of responses...

Hi Kiwi. I didn't see this before.

I've never been able to suppress my natural reaction to that sort of stimulus from the kids. I don't have any problem with telling them to stop talking or touching me or otherwise doing things that are winding me up.

When they were little I often had to deal with persistent noise by walking away, as long as they were safe where they were. It's less overwhelming when you're in a different room. Earbuds with your favourite music or white noise also work well for muting child noise.

Even as toddlers I made it clear to mine that if they wanted to be near me they needed to be quiet. Too much noise and I was off. I didn't mind little hands patting my face but I can't bear children clinging to me, so I spent a lot of time peeling little arms off me. I didn't feel bad about it either - we shouldn't have to accept things that we find unacceptable just because we have children.

Children define "normal" by what they grow up with. Just because other parents let their children shriek like banshees and climb all over them doesn't mean you have to let yours do it. For mine, normal is a mum who shakes them off if they try to hold hands, gets exhausted by the conversation on the way home from school, and will tell them outright when I need them all to stop talking. They know never to put anything on my head or make sounds when they eat or tap on things. I don't think they feel unloved for it.

As long as the love is coming at them in other ways and you're not doing it in an angry way, children don't suffer for learning to respect sensory boundaries. They're resilient little beings

Thanks Wings, it's useful to hear your perspective.

That did come across as a bit preachy, didn't it

I didn't mean it that way, really I didn't. That's my crap people skills coming out. I was just trying to say that you needn't feel bad about showing your natural reaction to distressing stimuli. I've never found any strategies for dealing with it other than blocking the noise somehow, making the children change their behaviour, or removing myself from the situation.

I used to say I needed some time out and just have 5 minutes. When they were big enough and if they let me.
Dc with ADHD as it turns out found it hard to stop.

Resting if they napped so that I recharged a bit.

Having a bath helped me too.

Watching cbeebies together or just them while I got jobs done. Getting outside. Somehow the whole universe could absorb that energy better. Even on the rain. I found parks really really boring though.

I can still flinch if they kiss me unexpectedly which I did feel really bad about until reading the neurodiversity support thread on this board. There is a funny no touchee youtube clip from alladin i think on that thread. I will find it for you later when not on rubbish phone.

no touchee

That's The Emperor's New Groove. Love that movie. We have no touchee too.

I do no touchee. It was me with the clip on the other thread.

I do similar to wings. We taught all the kids not to scream at a very young age. My mum raised me with the mantra that screaming is for dangerous situations only. If you scream at other times it means you may not get listened to when you need it. I've passed this on to my kids.

If they get too noisy I just ask them to quieten down a little bit and I walk away for a few minutes. Mostly I can cope but huge dinner table noise gets me as our kitchen is echoey. I know my eldest DD hates it as well so I speak up for her as much as myself.

I don't mind them touching me if I am expecting it. It's the random clinging I can't deal with but I've always just peeled them off. I peel them off, hug them then set them down next to me and interact with them in a way that doesn't involve them clinging to me. They don't cling any more so it's all good.

Thank you all very much. Wings, don't worry, not preachy at all.

I don't cope with it and I'm feeling massively guilty about it. Sometimes I have to re-buff dd because I just can't be touched in any way when my aspie is in full swing.