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Can you list your aspie traits?

30 replies

HarryPottersMagicWand · 22/11/2016 12:36

I have an initial appointment coming up. It's an hour and past this there would be costs involved that I'm not sure I could afford. I want to get everything that relevant across because they will make recommendations based on this hour. If there is a good chance I will be told I don't have it, I can't risk paying a lot of money.

So what would you say your aspie traits are?

OP posts:
Mogtheanxiouscat · 22/11/2016 16:12

It would take me a while to make a comprehensive list so I'll mention my most obvious. ( Undiagnosed)

Really terrible at socialising. Can just about cope with one on one convo if I know them well, or going out with one other couple who we know well. Beyond this I go mute really. Unless very drunk. Lack of eye contact.

Sensory issues, particularly repetitive noises and clothing that doesn't feel right

PolterGoose · 22/11/2016 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FaithAscending · 23/11/2016 13:01

link to Tania's page here

My traits? Loads:

  • avoid eye contact
  • social anxiety
  • sensory issues including loud noises, sensitivity to certain fabrics
  • co-ordination difficulties
  • social fatigue (needing recovery time after socialising)
  • stimming
  • high sensitivity to pain
  • monotone expression
  • getting obsessed/fixated on things

I could go on...

HarryPottersMagicWand · 23/11/2016 20:53

I had a look at Tania Marshall's website and the 15 page list Grin. There are a lot that I fit with. I'm considering printing it out and taking it with me with the relevant ones ticked as a started but I'm not sure. It's a lot of pages.

How do you stim? I wasn't really aware of this until recently but I know I can't keep my hands still, I always have to be fiddling with something whether it's my hair, necklace, earrings, picking the skin around my fingernails (I've done this all my life) or playing a game on my phone. Before my phone it was a handheld tetris game or handheld yahtzee game. I like to stroke certain things too like a fluffy cushion and I do this in shops, if it looks soft I have to smooth it and touch it.

Does the thing you get obsessed and fixated on change? I am very obsessive about stuff, usually a certain celebrity that I fancy at the time but also it could be hobby or something I am interested in where I will research it and look at it on the Internet or buy or collect it if it's something like that. I recently became into makeup and skincare so I look at loads of different stuff and research it and look at reviews and buy stuff. I used to be like it with craft stuff and would buy loads of it. Before that it would be The Simpson figures. Ebay was a nightmare when I first discovered it as I was obsessed with looking for stuff on there and winning auctions.

OP posts:
PolterGoose · 23/11/2016 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FaithAscending · 23/11/2016 21:43

That all sounds familiar!

Stimming, I twiddle my hair, like stroking stuff. I bite the skin down the side of my thumbs.

I get obsessive. It's often self-help books - I read stuff, wax lyrical about it for ages then it wanes....also TV shows, celebrities, learning about ASD. Smile

AVirginLitTheCandle · 23/11/2016 21:47

I have so many but the most obvious ones are:

-Socially awkward
-Obsessions
-I stim a lot
-I have sensory issues and can't stand loud noises, certain lighting and being touched.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 23/11/2016 21:54

How do you stim?

Normally I clap my hands repeatedly or I play with my hair.

I actually used to have more stims as a child. I used to have a basketball that I would repeatedly bounce in my garden for hours on end and I also used to do the whole running my hands over things in shop thing.

I have grown out of those ones but the hand clapping thing has stuck with me.

Does the thing you get obsessed and fixated on change?

Usually.

I have been obsessed with TV shows, books, animals and celebrities however once I become obsessed with something I really do become obsessed with it to the point where it's all I think about and all I want to talk about. I will also obsessively search the internet and watch videos that are centered around my obsession(s).

I also get obsessed with stores and brands. Right now it's Lush.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 23/11/2016 22:12

"You're sounding more and more like one of us Harry" Grin that strangely makes me happy, like I finally fit in somewhere and I've found my people.

Yes this is becoming one of my obsessions which is why I want to pursue a diagnosis as I won't be able to relax until I do. I'm just concerned about the cost at the moment. I may have to go to my GP if this route doesn't work but I'm worried they will tell me there is no point in referring me as I function but I struggle a lot with relationships. I've always put it down to a traumatic early childhood but I've been wondering lately if that isn't the reason for everything.

I also hate loud noises, repetitive noises, background noise like music from a neighbour, the DCs getting loud and hectic in the house. I can't take the commotion for long at all.

In general I hate being touched. I am ok with it from the DCs, in fact I want to hug them and have them next to me as much as possible but apart from that, I generally don't want anyone touching me. I have a tactile friend and I hate it when she rubs my arm or pats my leg. The other day I saw her walk up behind a mutual friend and rub her back and it made me cringe and it wasn't even me. DH used to pat the top of my head gently and I fucking hate it. It took a long time and me getting angry to get him to stop. DS used to hold on to the top of my head when he was putting his shoes on and I hated it. I also don't like it if the DCs touch me lightly, like holding hands but it being a weak hold. I can't stand it. I'm fine with a proper hold.

I also don't make eye contact. I look at their mouth, nose or hair or over their shoulder or just around the room.

OP posts:
FaithAscending · 23/11/2016 22:59

Oh I hate being touched! There's an irony in that I'm a nurse and touch people for my job. I'm ok when I see it coming but I hate the unexpected! My grandmother used to slap me on the back, it really hurt! I had to ask her to stop but she made a big deal of it (probably narcissistic!).

I was the same with diagnosis. I asked for the referral within a couple of weeks of realising I might have ASD. The wait was long but I'm glad I did. I cried when I got the confirmed diagnosis, it was such a relief!

SwearyInn · 23/11/2016 22:59

A social misfit. I do have friends, and I genuinely think they like me, but I make a new friend maybe once every 10 years. I'm generally kept at arms length especially in cliquey groups like mums and toddlers and NCT as I'm not conventional. At school I was mostly very quiet - but still didn't have friends. I ate alone most lunchtimes and often played by myself at playtime. I finally made a friend in primary 7 - she was called Susan and she was very fun.

a very strong sense of right and wrong - which can be problematic. I am very driven by rules and get frustrated when people do not stick to them. Unless they are stupid rules in which case it is ok if I don't stick to them

I have always stimmed by stroking the pointy bumps on the top of my ear.

I have meltdowns but only at home. I get very angry and break things (but never, ever direct this at people or animals). The reasons are usually trivial (last time it was because I didn't have time to bake a cake one Sunday afternoon). I generally feel mortified afterwards.

I struggle in social situations unless one to one. I need alcohol.

I have absolutely no ability to understand how someone else is thinking. This causes me inordinate amounts of stress.

I have a couple of rather odd, and not common sensory issues relating to vision. I also cannot hear if there is more than one conversation happening near me - I have to leave the room.

I hate hugging, touching (unless my DH or DC) and detest making eye-contact.

My life is governed by Excel spreadsheets as they keep me organised. I have very poor executive function and need to-do lists daily.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 23/11/2016 23:08

sweary I could have written some of them! Yes to the strong sense of right and wrong and rule following. I hate it when playing games if people don't follow the rules. I get really agitated.

I also cannot understand what anyone else would be thinking and why they would be thinking something different to me. Agree with alcohol to relax in a group, and not hearing conversations in a busy room. It's like all the noise merges into one all and even if someone is next to me I can't hear them.

I am actually really organised though. I'm known for it. I do keep extensive lists though and have specific list books for my general lists, my finances, plus my calendar with columns, my white board with lots of notices and letters on and my calendar on my tablet. I'd say being organised is one of my obsessions. I also replaces all my folders recently for my paperwork, I love stationary, and reorganised my paperwork cupboard.

OP posts:
thelastwingedthing · 24/11/2016 04:00

I can be really pedantic about safety-based rules but feel put-upon if I'm expected to adhere to a rule that makes no sense or is redundant. I'll ignore those ones if I can get away with it.

Obsessions - they can last from a couple of hours to many months. In my late teens I bought a guinea pig. A year later I had 140 of various breeds, was heavily involved with a local club, and had shelves full of guinea pig-related books and a brain full of guinea pig colour genetics. When the obsession passes it's gone. I can't look at it again. My current one is reading about AS and getting a diagnosis (and ongoing ones to do with listening to a particular band and reading books by a particular author, over and over and over).

As a child I took apart all my brother's cars to see how they worked (and to fix them when they broke). I took dead animals apart too, for similar reasons. I had a great collection of skulls and things in bottles at one point.

I tend to speak slowly and somewhat hesitantly because I'm weighing each word and trying to work out what the other person's response is likely to be from the bank of possible responses that I've compiled. I often change my mind mid-way through saying a word so it comes out as gibberish, then I feel awkward and stop talking.

I don't like being touched. I've attracted a few hard stares when out and about for shaking off my youngest child and telling her to just walk beside me instead of trying to hold my hand. Agree with light hand-holding and uninvited touching on the head being unbearable.

Faith, I used to be a nurse too. It's funny that I was able to cope with touching in my job, maybe because it was me in control and touching them and not the other way around? When I was in hospital a little while back a young nurse grabbed my arm to steer me while I was walking to the bathroom (I wasn't unsteady, she was just being patronising). I felt like hitting her.

I don't know about stimming. I've always bitten my nails, and when I'm being good and not biting them I endlessly run my fingertips along my nails looking for irregularities. When I'm really anxious I roll my fingers against my palm like I've got invisible worry balls.

I can't do eye contact. I watch people's mouths as they talk, or that bit between the nose and the top lip. If they're staring and I'm really uncomfortable I'll look into the distance or at some object off to the side, or down at my own hands.

Auditory sensitivities, including a heightened sensitivity to unexpected sounds. I sometimes imagine myself a deer, freezing and trying to pinpoint the source of a sound before deciding if it's safe to move.

I usually have bruises somewhere on me that I can't remember getting.

Small talk - can't do it, don't see the point.

I hate competition. It seems a pointlessly cruel way to conduct oneself, because there's always a loser.

I get overwhelmed by too much activity around me. I can't drive in the centre of my city for that reason.

That's just scratching the surface but I just realised how long this post is going to be so that will do.

Mogtheanxiouscat · 24/11/2016 11:27

I have alot of finger type stims, but I also like to curl my toes up and hold them quite tense. Or cross them over.

I like to wear a charm bracelet so I have something to fiddle with.

I destroy labels on bottles and beer mats. Just have to pick 'em Grin

HarryPottersMagicWand · 24/11/2016 14:43

I've been obsessing doing research this morning and done several online tests. They all come out with high scores that aren't even in the borderline range.

However, I did a voice and facial expression one, which I haven't seen before, and I scored better than the average NT person. Which is odd. BUT the voice one was obvious by what they were saying rather than the tone, they were both multiple choice so it was an easy process of elimination as there were huge differences between the choices, like the person would be showing empathy in their expression but the other 3 choices would be something really random and not remotely similar so it was easy to pick out the correct one.

I've printed out my scores complete with graphs so am considering taking them with me.

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Allofaflumble · 24/11/2016 19:32

One of my traits is the fear of getting things wrong, getting in trouble, upsetting someone.

I sense criticism when it may not be really true. I am diminished, a failure, a waste of space, should not be alive etc. A very strong over reaction and end of the world feeling.

A terrible worry of being even a minute late. I must keep people informed if there is the tiniest chance I might not be there early or on the dot!

Constant analysis during conversations and a post mortem after. A need to go back and clarify what I really meant.

PolterGoose · 24/11/2016 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Allofaflumble · 24/11/2016 19:42

Pick at cuticles
Play certain music repeatedly
Re read books and rewatch DVDs
Extreme anxiety driving in unfamiliar places
Bored by many conversations, eg. X factor, SCD, people's holidays and descriptions of amazing sights. "It's a mountain. So what"
Bruises, especially on the hands
Awful acid reflux
Clothes must be loose and comfortable
Hate looking "groomed"

HarryPottersMagicWand · 24/11/2016 20:31

That makes sense polter, I always feel that if I am unsure of myself in a situation, what would X do or how would Y act. Makes sense we would have picked up on expressions and tone in this as well.

allofaflumble I can relate to a lot of that as well. I analyse every conversation I've had, especially if I've said something I regret of something that came out wrong. Then I catastrophisize and it's the worst thing in the world and they all hate me etc etc. I had to speak to DDs teacher yesterday as DD had done something naughty but very out of character for her (the teacher agreed it was really unlike her and said she is a very kind hearted girl) the day before in school and after chatting to DD at home I wanted to explain DDs reasoning (it wasn't meant in a nasty way but she's 5 and didn't think through the consequences), the teacher quite clearly didn't believe me and very politely but firmly made it clear that it didn't matter, it shouldn't have happened. I felt really humiliated, my face felt hot and I cringe when I think of it and wish I hadn't said anything. I also imagined her telling all the staff and them all laughing at what an idiot I am for believing my DD. The teacher is lovely and probably wouldn't have mentioned it, but she might if they do have a tendency to moan about idiotic parents who make excuses for their children.

I can't stand talking about X factor and all that crap. It's so mind numbingly boring I can never understand why people like it. DH witters on about bloody football all the time. I like football, but my own team, I couldn't give a crap how his team is doing or what the stats are for various teams but he goes on about it. I've told him straight out I don't care but he still does it. I actually switch right off now so I don't even hear him, which is awful, but it's so bloody dull. Others people's holidays are very boring too. I'm such a joy Grin.

I loathe being late and cannot abide lateness in others too, it really winds me up as I don't get the difficulty with being somewhere on time. These people can make their jobs on time so it's no different in my mind. I feel like an absolute twat if I have got something wrong. I appear to take it ok from the outside but I will be mortified and embarrassed for a very long time afterwards.

OP posts:
Allofaflumble · 24/11/2016 21:56

It's good to know there is a reason for all this isn't it Harry - really helps when you feel so alone with it all.

Areyoufree · 25/11/2016 15:14

Decided to buy my husband a watch for Christmas. Found a brand I liked, then decided vintage would be better. Did some research. Did some more research. I now have bought 3 vintage watches, am a member of a watch forum, and am waiting for some watchmaking tools so that I can start taking the things apart. Yet, if you'd asked me before this year (only put two and two together in February) if I had obsessions, I would have said no. It's not an obsession if it's something really interesting, or really important, right? Everyone cares deeply about the really interesting, important things!

I have many other traits too - mild face blindness, sensory issues, big social issues, was believed to be brain damaged up until the age of 2, then taught myself to read by the age of 3, used to sit for hours in my cupboard, oh and, which I never realised wasn't normal either, if I close my eyes, I fall over. I genuinely thought everyone did that!

Openup41 · 30/11/2016 18:38

Wow - I can relate to so many of these;

Fear of being wrong/told off - I am in a middle management role for crying out loud! Whenever my manager or a colleague say they want a word, I assume the worst. I back track to my recent conversations and actions to identify if I could have slipped up.

I make wrong assumptions

I cannot stand sudden noises - car with loud exhaust, moped, police siren

I cannot stand many conversations taking place around me. At work people often congregate at the water machine near me and have discussions. I freeze until they have gone. I cannot concentrate on anything.

I listen to myself when speaking.

I cannot stand uncomfortable fabrics on my skin. Anything slightly itchy and I have to wear a cotton top underneath.

I over explain myself

I get so upset and angry over trivial things

I have to write down instructions - do not trust myself to remember from memory

I take longer to do a task than the average person - work at least five hours more a week than my colleagues and they deliver the same standard of work - if not better.

I rehearse my words before speaking especially if in a large meeting

I prefer to be alone at break/lunchtimes

I do not like being touched - never have done but do it anyway

I become obsessed with hobbies/social media

I hate being interrupted when in the middle of something

I over think and feel exhausted daily

Openup41 · 30/11/2016 18:42

I do not like seeing people in places other than where I normally see them, for example bumping into a colleague when in the shops at lunchtime. This is by far the weirdest trait. Also if I see someone I know when out and about I do not like bumping into them again that same day. I have already greeted them, there is nothing more to say - sheer awkwardness.

thelastwingedthing · 30/11/2016 23:32

I feel the same way about seeing people out of their usual context, but for me it's to do with mild face blindness. There's no guarantee that I'll know who they are, especially if I haven't seen them for a while or if they look similar to someone else I know.

I once mortally offended my dentist by mistaking him for one of my previous school teachers. I'd seen him once a year (since the age of 4, admittedly) and I ran into him at a school fete. How was I supposed to know who he was? Confused

AVirginLitTheCandle · 01/12/2016 00:24

I've said this before elsewhere but I'm going to say it again here; I am amazed that there are people who managed to be nurses.

Seriously I am in awe because I know I could never do that. All the bright lights constantly in medical settings and OMG, all the touching you have to do 😱. It actually makes me feel a bit sick just thinking about it.

I'm another one who listens to the same song over and over. If there is a song I like I will literally listen to it non stop for days or weeks on end. Not sure why.

I also sometimes write little scripts for myself so I know what I'm going to say in a situation before I get there.