Small talk/general chit chat

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

Does anyone else not understand this at all or know what to say and how to let the conversation flow?

Earlier today I was standing at the bus stop and a woman kept trying to engage with me. It was just general chit chat about her job; how she had been working lates and how everyone was annoyed with the Christmas rota, etc - you know just general chit chat but I honestly had no clue what to say. I just kept replying "yeah" and "hmm" whilst she's doing all the talking.

I've always had this problem and I'm sure people think I'm rude and ignorant but I'm mostly just like "wtf, this is a weird conversation and I have no clue what you want me to say so I'll just keep quiet or be vague."

I think it's weird to randomly start having a little chit chat with someone you don't know but obviously other people think it's normal.

Anyone else not get small talk or is it just me?

I should add that I'm from the north east and people do randomly start chit chatting away to strangers at the bus stop or whatever. That's "normal" here but I'm not sure if it is in other places

I massively struggle with this. My brain will be totally blank with no clue what to say.

I know you can always talk about the weather for example but my thoughts just don't connect and make words.

Dh says to ask them about themselves, but that still required my brain to think of a question and then make a sound.

I have alot of awkward silences

my thoughts just don't connect and make words.

I think that's my problem too.

I always try to get away from the situation as bad as that may sound.

Yup that's me all over. I can't process a response quick enough. So I could across as rude or aloof or cold. Mostly though I don't know what to say or I fear what I do say will be too rude, wrong, insensitive or stupid. I'm fine if I know someone will engage with me and then I can plan responses.

I find listening and smiling to be the best when people start up conversations. Most people just want to be heard in that situation.

Now my child is in reception I feel like I should join in that social chit chat but then I find it really boring so I've just opted out!

But obviously there are cases where one really should do it and so I've a few things up my sleeve. One, hang out with talkers, takes the pressure off. Two, now the pressure if off to speak, observe those talkers and then use their words when talking to others! Or three, comment on how I've run out of things to say, or laugh about the uncomfortable silence or something like that just to break the tension!

For ongoing relationships (that aren't proper friendships) when I'm feeling good I keep a mental checklist to remind myself to ask about x, y, or z and then they consider you a Nice Person (like one is inside really but people don't always get to see it!) and will be more likely to forgive awkward silences/weirdness etc. But the down side with that is that sometimes I lose who I am because of all the brain space taken up with remembering and you soon find the majority of people don't actually do the same!

I wish there was a series of videos or a website somewhere teaching you exactly how to do small talk.

Maybe we need to crowdfund and get them going