ASD parents any coping strategies?

[MattBerrysHair]

I have Aspergers and am on sertraline for anxiety and depression. I'm not doing too well at the moment and am easily exhausted by the smallest things. I co-parent 50/50 with my ex, one week on one week off. My DS's are 8 and 5, and the eldest can be incredibly stroppy and testing at times. Today I've been a shit mum hiding in my bedroom and sticking the dc in front of the tv. They've had hours
The house is a mess, I don't cook anything from scratch anymore, and I've had to take time off work because I just need to be at home where I'm 'safe'.

How do other aspies do parenting, work and housework without it all falling to pieces? Suggestions gratefully received.

Anyone?

Thanks for replying. Unfortunately it's not possible to have it any other way at the moment due to their working hours. Also, it provides some stability for the dc to know where they are and for how long etc. I'm really struggling as it's half term and I'm not getting any alone time. It's much easier when they're at school as the school day provides structure and routine. When I don't have them all routine goes out of the window and I can't manage to even eat properly. I exist of toast and cereal!

How do other aspies do parenting, work and housework without it all falling to pieces?

Timetables, lists, and the ability to say "fuck it" when it gets too much and not worry that the floor isn't hoovered.

I read the housework boards on here sometimes just to marvel at what other people do. There was a hoovering thread where some people said they hoovered every day, and most people once a week. I hoover about four times a year!

I focus on one thing at a time, and I start small. If that thing is still too overwhelming, I break it down even more. So, cleaning the house is too big - I am immediately trying to think of everything that I need to do, and I end up paralysed. Maybe start with the kitchen, but then maybe that is too big. Maybe the first thing is to pick up a cup and put it next to the sink. Then look for the next thing. I keep my gaze fixed on the task at hand, because if I am distracted, I see everything that needs doing, and I panic.

I agree that lists are good. Toodoist is a great list app - you can order things in order of urgency, and, once everything is written down, you don't have to worry about forgetting stuff.

Schedule kid time. Set a timer if need be - tell them you will work with them on an activity, or play a game for a set amount of time. Have a goal of giving them a certain amount of undivided attention each day. My kids are (mostly) less whiny if I have given them some good quality time.

Some days are just going to be rubbish. Go with it. I have been known to set up blankets and an inflatable mattress in the living room, and have a pyjama party with the kids. Most importantly - don't believe anything you see on Facebook. People love to set up perfect family pictures!

I tend to plug myself into my iPod and listen to Audible and podcasts whilst carrying out tedious domestic chores as it seems to help.

So, cleaning the house is too big - I am immediately trying to think of everything that I need to do, and I end up paralysed

This is exactly me right now. I am trying to break down my time and my tasks into small chunks.

I have had to learn to let some things go. I am constantly stressed at the state of my house but I've managed to get it so the "public rooms" are straight (hallway, bathroom, lounge, kitchen/diner) and the others will get there slowly.

I have a big family organiser calender, a chalkboard and a letter rack in my hallway. These have been a lifesaver for me. EVERY apointment or event goes on the calender under the specific persons name. I also put on things like the bin days, the school holiday dates, birthdays, outings etc. I used to get into a panic checking all these things all the time. Now they are on the calender and I know they are correct because I checked them 3 times and got DH to check as well.

The chalkboard is used for everyday things that need remembering. I write shopping lists on it or make notes to myself. If it's a shopping list I snap a photo of it before I leave the house. I then delete the photo once the shopping is done. It also has a copy of DDs school timetable on it so we can both double check it each morning to make sure she has the right books/PE kit etc. She has ASD as well and a 2 week timetable which we both find a pain. We have a magnetic pin thing as a marker that tells us which week it is and we move it each week when I sign her planner.

We also have a letter rack with a space for each of us. In here go things I would usually loose but need to keep so things like school trip letters. The trip date goes on the board then the letter stays in the persons tray until after the trip so I have it to double check times/kit lists etc. I also put in things like appointment letters, invites etc.