Meltdowns

[WizzardHat]

I don't quite know why I'm posting or what I'm asking, I just feel like I need to talk. I'm almost certain I have aspergers, and so was a counsellor I saw a few years ago, but I haven't pursued a formal diagnosis as I wasn't sure what practical difference it would make.
I've been looking for a job all year. Seriously, all year. And a lot of last year (I was contracting but on the shitty end of teh payscale, so I was chasing permanent jobs - hard to get through interview as they were looking for more outgoing people. Then I got one and it turned out the owner had lied about the nature of the job). Anyway, long, long jobhunt. Unemployed most of this year but as I went back to contracting and started a limited company I wasn't able to sign on. I've lately been able to get temp jobs but they tend to finish rather abruptly. There's no contract work here and I can't move. It's difficult to get permanent jobs as I come across badly in interview.
So I've been under masses of stress and have run out of money. None left. Was told the job I would have till October was finishing on Friday as I'd been too efficient. I managed to stay professional at work but had a complete meltdown when I got home and for most of the night. I still feel shaky now. The tiniest things are setting me off right now - including the red line under typos. I just feel like I can't go on much longer like this - I'm still applying, obviously but getting nowhere all year. Please don't reply with 'oh have you tried..?' Yes, I have. Many times. I have tried everything. I can try no more. I just can't keep going on like this and I can't cope with the stress anymore.

Wizzard that sounds really shit, I'm not surprised you're struggling to cope. Have you got any way of de-stressing temporarily ie alcohol, noise cancelling headphones and a good book, or getting outside for a long walk? i hope that doesn't sound trite, apologies if it does.

For what it's worth, I'm currently so choked up with stress that I've asked DH to get some wine on his way home and earlier was in such a state that I was on the verge of self harming. Youre not alone.

Oh and re diagnosis, it could help in that you'd be able to mention it at interview (and I think if you say on a job application form that you consider yourself to have a disability then they have to interview you). Then you'd get a chance to explain your difficulties with face to face communication so the interviewers wouldn't put any awkwardness down to you being rude/disinterested/etc

I'm sorry you're stressed as well - no, it doesn't sound trite! I might go for a walk later, I went out for a bit at lunchtime and it helped a little bit, and I do have a good book that I'm part way through. I might try a drink too, it can't hurt - I'm overeating and wondering if I am selfish enough to jump under a train just now so willing to try anything that could help tbh.

I might try and pursue diagnosis but I think right now anything is going to set off a meltdown so not sure if now is the right time.

I hope you manage to solve whatever is stressing you out - please feel free to talk about it here if it helps at all!

Disinterested is exactly what the feedback says btw! And they probably don't say rude as then they would feel rude instead.

Please don't throw yourself under a train! Have a BIG drink instead Yeah I'm overeating too. It's weird how it really does help calm you down in that moment isn't it? Even though you know it's a bad idea in the long term, it does actually work at the time

I ended up having four chicken kiev and feel a bit better. Still feeling broken but I had news that I have a temp job to start on Monday so at least a little more breathing space.

Thanks - the job seems to be okay so far. And I feel much better than I did last week!

It's really near home as well so that helps. I think you're right. I was thinking about it on my way home earlier and I'm going to call the GP and ask her about it. I had a big long list of symptoms from aspienwomen and can tick almost all of them.

Hello Wizzard. I'm Faith. I'm 35 and I was diagnosed this year. I would think in your circumstances it would be worth considering a diagnosis. There's a variety of routes. I went NHS (not complicated in my area but a long time, 18 months from requesting it to getting the assessment!). There are private options and many assessors do them via Skype. I've been struggling to find a new job (I have one but I hate it!), struggling at interview. Since my diagnosis I state that I have ASD prior to interview so I'm automatically short-listed and can have special considerations if I need them. (I've just been offered a new job!). I really hope things get easier for you.

Re meltdowns - I'm much more likely to have a melt down if I have low blood sugar. (Obviously it's triggered by extreme stress). Low carb diet helps me because it keeps you fuller for longer.

I think you're right - I'm going to see the GP and ask about a referral. A job has come up at my current place and I'm applying for it - one question was about do I consider myself to have a disability so I've said yes, and that it can make me seem disinterested in interview but that that isn't the case.

It's a civil service job and apparently they're pretty good about this sort of thing which is helpful. If they ask more questions about it I can tell them I'm in the process of getting an official diagnosis but that it was strongly suggested by a counsellor I saw a few years ago.

I do find it hard to deal with low blood sugar, but mostly it's stress for me I think. Like being out of work for months. Good luck with your interview - I hope you get it!

Hi, sorry things have been so stressful and you're feeling so meltdowny.
I was diagnosed a year ago at 36 and diagnosis has been life changing. I've had to do a lot of work figuring out what lifestyle works for me in terms on regular rest breaks, minimal socialising, sensory lights in bedroom, hobbies which relax me (in my case colouring in, lego and a fair amount of candy crush).

I would recommend avoiding alcohol as a coping strategy, it works at the time but will leave your system worse for it afterwards. Instead could you list some healthy coping strategies to use when you're struggling? Mine are find space and quiet, do a relaxing activities, yoga, mindfulness. Worse case I have sedatives to use.

I have been out of work for ten years but have just started a day a week volunteer work in my children's school. I'm officially teaching assistant training and will be aiming to find employment two days a week once I've finished this year of training in the school.

Anyway I also write a blog with suggestions for aspies. If you fancy checking it out it's www.purpleella.com

Thanks Ella, that looks really interesting. What I normally do is to keep socialising to a minimum and things like meditation actually - I've never liked the taste of alcohol so don't drink anyway.