Friendships ! How complicated does it need to be!

[Ineedmorepatience]

I am really bad at friendships! I do want friends or at least another friend but once again I have lost a friend that I thought was going to be around for a while!

I have always drifted between friends and friendship groups and have only ever had one or two friends at a time but I seem to be unable to keep them.

Sometimes I think I am useful to a person but when I cant fulfill any purpose for them or be who theywant me to be they drift away!

I am also a bridge burner and cant bear to be taken for a fool soI have in the past walked away from long friendships.

I have one friend from childhood, she is my cousin and she has aspergers too, she and I dont see each other frequently now and she is planning to move even further away next yr, we are rubbish at staying in touch but we do try hard (ish).

I could just do with someone other than Dp to chat to face to face sometimes, all the best people I know are online!

Anyone got any suggestions?

Ah thanks polter I hope I didnt offend you!

I think I have been spending too much time reflecting on all the friendships that have come and gone over the yrs.

More tea would be fab after the madness of school holidays

Yes I miss some of the friendships I have had too. What I dont miss and I dont really want to repeat is the feeling of being used! Too many times people have taken advantage of my over helpful, empathetic nature and I think I have mistaken this for friendship when actually I was just fulfilling a need for them.

Yes, I love spending time with Dp we are soul mates and get alot of pleasure out of our time together but its not quite enough some how.

I have been a crap friend this yr because I have had to put myself and Dd3 and Dp before the people outside our family because we were all falling apart and we needed to just re group and recover.

I have been thinking of a friend I had 30 years ago! I must have come across as narcissistic but if course now realise I had Aspergers. I couldn't seem to give her my time and must have seemed very thoughtless. I think about contacting her and apologising but something stops me. It was so long ago.

This might sound strange but for some reason I've always found making friends with NT men and even men with ASD to be easier than with NT women.

I don't set out to make friends with men...it just kind of happens that way and I'm actually kind of sad about that because whilst I do appreciate the friendship I don't think it's the same thing as having a close female friend iyswim.

I don't know whether you're looking for specifically female friends/female friends on the spectrum or just any kind of friendship but I think it's worth perhaps looking for men who you get on with and might want to form a friendship with. But I realise you have a DP so I'm not sure if close male friends would be out of the question for you...

Sorry I've just read that back and realised that sounds so stupid . "Looking for men"? Seriously wtf!

I think it's friendships in general you're struggling with so my whole post is probably irrelevant anyway.

Just ignore me.

Oh FGS seriously just ignore everything I say.

WTF am I going on about?

toads it makes perfect sense and I do get on well with men!

Over the yrs I have had some great male friends, my partner doesnt mind, he knows I am not like most females and I cant relate to them. I have more issues with the partners of the men who have been my friends

Most people I get on with are from within the autism world, I dont know if I am defining the word "Friend" wrongly because I get on with lots of people but I dont think of them as friends!

I dont know if I am defining the word "Friend" wrongly because I get on with lots of people but I dont think of them as friends!

I think that's my problem too. I will often call anyone who I get on with a friend but I don't think that's the definition of the word. I doubt any of those people would call me a friend.

I did have a best friend at school who I suspect was likely on the spectrum although she never had a diagnosis.

She passed away when we were 18 and she was really the only female friend I had

Thats a shame toads 💐

I can definitely relate OP. I find friendships really hard work compared to other people. I just don't know where I go wrong. Moving from general superficial niceties to a more in-depth friendship is a struggle. But then I also don't do particularly well with the maintaining bit either!
I don't know whether I just over-think things either.

I could have written the OP. I find I don't get people. I have broken off lots of friendships because they haven't treated me how I would treat them so that's it, I'm done with them. I'm very empathetic. Too much. It annoys the crap out of me.

I seem to struggle to hold on to a friend and eventually I'll cut loose and realise I'm back where I started. I'm and, so and bit crap in that if someone asks me to do something, I'll likely say yes (and worry and possibly back out depending on what it is, where it is and how many people there will be, small groups are much better) but if they don't initiate, I'll just sit at home on my own all day. And that is no good for my mental health. I like a safe chat with people I know I can approach as long as I get a lot of down time as well.