Self diagnosed Aspie/ASD (HF) struggling at work

[TQBD]

Hi,

I'm a self diagnosed HF ASD/Aspergers (hope they're the right terms) sufferer.

I was made redundant last summer; didn't struggle to get interviews but struggled for a job offer. Reasons offered were quite weak; and I think often they just didn't know how to say it was a cultural fit issues.

I got an offer, accepted and have been in the role since Autumn. I'm really struggling.

It's a totally different organisation, culture and my manager style is really not what I'm used to.
Her approach is very 'tell' which I struggle with - I feel she feels I'm incapable. I know I'm not (role is a step down from previous roles) but feel anxious all the time.

I feel we have a personality clash - she struggles to understand me, and I often get things 'wrong' socially. We have good days and bad days.

I find feedback difficult; and my 'default' reaction is to get upset. I accept the feedback, but it comes across as 'weak' and not professional when you are upset. This isn't what I want to say about myself.

I struggle with leave/weekends - the night before I find myself worrying about what she might say, or what I might have done wrong before I left and often am awake very early because of these thoughts.

I also dwell on an interaction if I think I've behaved in a 'wrong' way - but by then it is 'too late'. I often am not sure if I was wrong or if it was okay - which makes me anxious.

Are there any ASD/Aspergers sufferers out there who experience similar and can share coping strategies/tools?

Oddly, considering my diagnosis I did feel the role i had most success in was a role with high people interaction but for short times and in a tutor type capacity where I played an 'expert' role. This role is a more supporting function role with transactional based tasks.

Thank you for your reply.

I'm not sure an official diagnosis would make much difference in terms of work - I don't believe my manager would be receptive, or that things would be more positive. I think she would use it as an excuse to behave in a more negative way but would frame it as 'support'.

Thank you for the suggestion though

We do have OH, but I'm not sure how I'd get a referral or what I'd tell them.

What would make life easier for me is if she gave me a task/desired outcome and then left me to tackle it - what she does is gives me a list of 'to do' to achieve the outcome. I'm capable of getting there without the list; and I'm not the only one she behaves like this with so I know it isn't personal as such.
I worry that if OH intervened, she would ramp up this approach and style - thinking she was supporting me - when in reality, it would make me feel work.
I feel micro managed, and this makes me anxious as I then question my ability, lose confidence and feel like I'm thought of as rubbish at my job. Maybe I need to tell her this?

I do feel comforted by the fact it isn't just me getting it from her, but it adds to my anxiety. She also stores up feedback for appraisals, which builds anxiety.

Keeping my head down could be a good strategy; although I'm quite an extrovert personality type so struggle with that..

Thank you :)

Assertiveness training might help. I think you should get a diagnosis though.

I went self employed and never looked back. Employment was a horror. I tried so hard to keep under the radar and I just couldn't do it, I still don't really know where I went so wrong. I realise not everyone is in a position to do that (my field is one where self employment is a real option)

If you don't want to do a full diagnosis you could pursue a non-clinical assessment with Action for Aspergers - it is enough for reasonable adjustments in the workplace and you would then be able to take control over what adjustments you need (i.e. back off and give me an outcome, don't micromanage me)

The alternative would be just to sit down with her and say "this is what I need" and ascribe it to your personality. Suggest that she backs off on the micromanaging for a while as it makes you anxious and is therefore counterproductive. You don't have to disclose that it's suspected ASD contributing.