I hope it's okay me posting here, a thread about adult women with asd came up in active threads a few days ago, and ever since then I've been doing some reading and it's like I've had a bit of a light bulb moment. I think I might be HFA. I've yet to discuss this with dp or anyone in real life yet because there's every chance that I'm NT and I'm making completely normal aspects of myself into something they're not or I won't be believed as I seem to function (mostly) in every day life. So I'm just looking to hear what other people think. Sorry in advance if it's long, I'm sort of thinking out loud.
I've always felt 'different' throughout my whole life. Yet no one else seemed to really notice, I just assumed It was in my head and that I was just the same as everyone else really.
Eye contact has always been a difficult one for me, I don't seem to know what is an appropriate amount of eye contact to make, I end up either avoiding it completely or doing it too much, or making eye contact, but not being able to hold it. I feel like everyone else manages this fine but I can't.
Food has always been an issue. Growing up I pretty much lived on a diet of chips, spaghetti hoops and toast, gradually expanding to things like pizza and chicken nuggets as I got older. I am loads better now as an adult but I'm still funny about textures and tastes that most people are fine with. I thought it was just me being fussy but maybe it's linked in some way. I do try new foods, but it has to be on my terms, when I feel 100% comfortable. Sometimes I go off certain foods completely for a while for no real reason.
I struggle with change and unexpected events. Unexpected guests spring to mind, even if it's my DM or PIL, it makes me feel unsettled and massively inconvenienced although I'm sure that's not uncommon anyway.
I hate loud noise and crowds. Even the tv being up too loud makes me snappy and I literally feel like I can't hear myself think. I get (inwardly) annoyed in busy shops with people being in my way and being unable to just get to where I want to be without hassle.
I was always a 'tomboy' growing up, still am now to an extent. Never really been into traditional girly things, although I did try on occasion in my youth in order to try and fit in.
I twirl/mess with my hair, usually shorter pieces of hair at the front in my fringe and around my hair line, I don't even realise I'm doing it but I find it comforting I guess?
I'm far to serious sometimes and I take things personally. Dp will poke fun at me, nothing mean, just light hearted stuff and I will be offended by it. Always been this way, again in my youth I learnt to laugh it off even if I wasn't finding it particularly funny.
I struggle to contain my emotions sometimes, have on occasion lost my rag during a 'bicker' with dp and ended up shouting and storming off, really embarrassing teenage-type behaviour for someone who is supposed to be a mum of 2. Always tell myself I'm going to keep my cool but sometimes it gets too much too quickly and I feel 'overloaded'.
I rarely get enough sleep at night because I prefer to stay up.
I can get very set in my ways, I don't like people telling me how to do 'x' when I already have my own way of doing it, even if their way is a better or more efficient way. This drives dp mad as I can be so dismissive in a "thanks but I like doing it my way" way.
My interests are a bit 'different'. I'm not massively into a lot of the mainstream stuff that lots of people I know are into.
I find it hard verbalising thoughts, feelings, opinions etc. I find it much easier to type or write things down.
Pretty sure I have undiagnosed depression, struggle some days to get every day tasks done. Dd's are always taken care of but some days basic housework can be a struggle. If I force myself to get up and do stuff, I feel tonnes better but some days I just don't/can't.
I'm quite forgetful. Even on this post I'm thinking of the next point, then as I'm finishing typing my current point I forget it.
Never really had friends until late primary/secondary. When I must have started becoming more self aware and trying to fit in more. I mainly just tried to act 'normal'. In fact I'm sure I remember writing a diary just before starting yr7 where I said I was going to turn over a new leaf.
I remember random things that most people forget about. I also talk about random or pointless things, and end up going into far to much detail, that most people don't care about.
Repeat myself, either because I can't remember whether I've said it or not, or I feel that the person/people didn't take it in or acknowledge what I said first time round even though they have.
Hate talking over the phone unless it's one or two specific people I feel comfortable with. Will only make phone calls if I absolutely have to I.e if I need to make a doctors appointment for one of the dc's.
I find dd1 (3) especially really difficult to cope with at the moment. The demand for constant attention is just draining and difficult to cope with. The constant questions which I sometimes struggle to find an answer for, the constant climbing and cuddles and kisses whilst lovely, are also a horrific invasion of my personal space.
I'm sure there's probably more but that's all I can think of for now. Does this sound like it could be anything? Or is it how things are for everyone. Hope I haven't caused any offence posting here, I feel a bit silly and embarrassed posting this but guess I'm looking for answers really.