What does having autism actually mean?

[ToadsJustFellFromTheSky]

I really should know this as I have autism but I'm still not sure what it actually means.

What is it that makes me the way I am? What is it that makes me struggle so much socially? What is it that makes me obsess about things, makes me hate noises and people touching me, makes me want to clap my hands repeatedly when I'm happy?

I know it's supposed to just mean my brain is wired up a little differently but that just makes it even more confusing. Is it literally wired up differently? If my brain and someone who is NT's brain were both dissected, examined and compared would there actually be physical differenced in how they were wired up? Surely they would be...it just doesn't make sense to me otherwise.

*differences

Brain scans can show differences in people who are autistic. I think the connections are arranged differently. It's certainly a strange thing to get to grips with.

I don't really think of it as a disorder, more just a difference, albeit a significant one which makes its presence felt at all times.

Brain scans can show differences in people who are autistic

Have you got the article that came from please, Hidden? I looked into this a couple of years ago and could only find things that said some people with autism had brains which showed differences and others with identical autism did not, so if anyone wanted to use a brain scan as "proof" of autism, it wouldn't be accurate.

The thing with brain connections, (synapses) is again very inconclusive. I've seen some research which says certain conditions allow people with damaged connections to make new ones and yet others which say once a connection is broken, no amount of circumventing of the wiring can get it to fire again.

As afar as I'm aware, brain imaging and conclusivity of autism is a long way from being exact, but if anyone has the latest research, I'd be very interested in seeing it.

blankmind Does the research you refer to relate to autism? I have heard about some research describing rewiring, but these related to attachment.
I don't know of any related to autism.

It was something I found on YouTube.

I too have heard about brain scans showing differences in those who have autism. But if that's the case then why can't autism just be diagnosed with a brain scan instead of the way assesments are carried out currently? I guess there's not enough science backing it up yet.

I just think there must be some physical differences though even if they are hidden deep down. Otherwise I can't get my head around the brain simply being wired up differently.

Melon the synapses stuff I picked up from reading papers on neurology, I'd need a better grasp of the subject to know which were correct.
Also, it's years ago but I think there's bits of it referenced in Jean Ayers' book on sensory integration saying how OT can create new pathways so a child can master an action where it couldn't previously.

Anecdotally, I've seen Alexander Technique enable someone to do a few tasks they were unable to do before the therapy. Oddly enough, that doesn't involve anything like forcibly practising the desired movement.

Hidden thank-you, it would be of benefit to me right now if I could get a neurologist to point to a brain scan and say 'look at that bit right there, it proves that the related disability is of x-level of severity and the person can do y but can never do z.

I don't think we're able to do so yet, if anyone definitely knows it's possible and knows a UK based neurologist who can do that, please pm me.

Toads as I said previously, there are no current scans that show identifiable autism. Some autistic people have brains that on scans are indistinguishable from NTs.
I think current science is around this level of distinguishing some autistic traits in brains www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/12/151217130500.htm

Are you getting too hung up on the phrase 'wired differently' and imagining that you could physically see or detect 'wiring' or some form of physical connection? AFAIK Synapses fire, like electricity or little flashes of light, or have a chemical reaction, there's not a visible physical connection between them that forms a pathway. Happy to be corrected if my recollections are wrong.

Maybe a better analogy is that NT people run on Windows and Autistic people run on Mac. One of the early books on differences mentioned marching to a different drummer.

That is exactly it. I just keep thinking that there must be something physically different in there otherwise how does it even work? What makes me the way I am?

Thinking along the lines of it not being a disorder, I have wondered whether it is only seen as a disorder because of the way society expects us to be.

We only really view being socially awkward as odd or a problem because society has made the rules as to what is socially acceptable. We only view repetitive behaviour like clapping or hand flapping as odd because that's what people are taught is odd and something you shouldn't do.

If we didn't have such rigid social rules, would asperger's or hfa even be viewed as a disorder?

I hope nobody is offended by that. It's just something I've wondered.

Societal rules certainly are too rigid.

Research has shown that autistics who are given intensive therapy designed to 'normalise' them are more likely to develop mental illness as they go through life. Pretending to be normal puts such a mental strain on autistics that it's unreasonable of neurotypicals to put them through that. Who is it benefiting? Neurotypical honestly believe that autistics can be trained out of their difference

I certainly don't feel disordered, and my functioning is far above most of the NTs that I come across - particularly at work. They come across as incompetent and sloppy due to their lack of attention to detail and inability to grasp things they seem to wander around in a befuddled fog most of the time.

As far as I'm concerned, it's the NTs who are dysfunctional and at a disadvantage. They seem tormented and held back by their emotions, irrational, superficial, obsessed by social crap, dull and sentimental or cruel and jealous.

All that standing around talking about social stuff means that nothing gets done.

"Oo, my sister's daughter's best friend's dog gave me a dirty look on Facebook, I'm devastated and will never get over this, how can my life continue and how can I ever go to the supermarket again?"

I wasn't given intensive therapy but I did try very hard to fit in and be normal, and yes, I have been diagnosed with mental illnesses. My
Psych retracted the depression label though, saying it was due to my previously undiagnosed AS.

I also think it's the NT way that is 'wrong'- if something's wrong you can't say it because it's rude, you have to hint about it and hope the other person knows what it is!

My anxiety is a lot better since I started talking to people and getting them to talk back about what I'm doing wrong.

For example- I thought I upset my SIL 9 months ago (I thought that because she didn't reply to a text for days and when she did she didn't put kisses on the end). She denied and denied that she was upset.

The other day we had a chat about something else and she said that the way I text is 'too abrupt' and I never ask how she is or even a greeting, and I just say what it is I'm texting for.

Which is a fair comment, it's different communication styles, and she was reading my 'straight to the point' texts as being short and snappy with her, but I've spent the last 9 months making the same mistake over and over because she didn't just admit that she was upset and what the matter was!

Obviously now I know I can make an effort to text in the way she would like.

So why didn't she tell me 9 months ago but instead play a game where if I don't text in the 'right' way she won't reply? I was never going to figure it out on my own! And in the end gave up texting for a while (which also upset her...)