Feeling weird, any advice?

[hiddenhome2]

I'm going to be assessed to see if I have aspergers next month, but I'm having some very strange feelings about it all.

Since doing the research and questionnaires over the past week or so, what I am finding is that things have started to get on top of me. I'm anxious and paranoid at the best of times, but I don't feel very good.

I'm identifying with what other women are saying about having aspergers and it is potentially exciting for me to possibly have an answer to why I've felt like an alien all my life. What will I do if the assessment comes back negative though? Will I feel even more isolated? What will it mean, as I'm clearly not what you would define as 'normal'.

I'm waking in the night with palpitations and have anxiety. I'm worrying that I'll have a heart attack or something. I feel high one minute, then panicky the next.

The entire definition of my being now hangs in the balance and I don't know what to make of it all. I feel almost depersonalised.

I don't go for the assessment until 17th of November. I feel this is an age away. I need to know now. If it's positive, this is going to be so life changing for me. If it's negative, I go back to being an isolated, abnormal, asocial freak with no place in the world and with no answers.

I'm waiting for referral to come through and really relate to what you describe hidden, there are just so many unsettling unknowns mixed with hopeful highs. I just came across this blog which is quite interesting, there's a link to an earlier post about the route to diagnosis. Distracting, if nothing else

It's with a psychologist who specialises in assessing females. It's private and any positive result, will be considered non medical so if I want an official diagnosis I'll either have to go through the NHS or to a private psychiatrist.

Thank you for the link, I'll certainly look at that.

I like that link onlyone.

Its a strange feeling I think to get so far in your life knowing there's something different and then finding out what it is. It has a name.
I'm sure it's normal to have fears about what ifs, and I think I was very lucky that my assessment was only a few days after ringing.
In the neurodiversity thread someone has linked to a blog about symptoms worsening when you have a diagnosis, and I imagine it will apply when you've had the realisation that you probably have asperger's.
I'll see if I can find it for you, it's very interesting.

Here

Thanks LeChien I'll look at that now.

Thanks Lechien had a look and will read properly later, looks good.

Thanks LeChien that's very interesting and certainly struck a chord.