"You can't have autism because..."

[ToadsJustFellFromTheSky]

Is it just me that gets this? I know there's a lot of ignorance about autism out there but I find it tiring when people question my diagnosis or even go as far as to outright say my diagnosis is wrong because of some preconceived notion of autism they have.

I have been told that there's "no way" I have autism because I'm creative and like to write. Apparently you can only be interested in and be good at maths and Science if you have autism.

I've also been told that I can't have autism because I'm not intelligent and that I'm actually "a bit thick" .

Not in relation to me, as til its official i've only spoken to one (aspie) friend about it. But i've heard both in general. Both got corrected monologues, either "asd and male-centric diagnosis" or "autism and savantism are not the same thing"

Yes this was the first thing I encountered when sharing my initial diagnosis. But more in the vein of "You dont look like you have Aspergers".

It was said by the first female doctor I approached about my suspicions. She had NEVER met me before and knew nothing of my medical history.

So i got a second diagnosis to confirm it to myself! I have found that people are not that interested anyway.

Ps. I went private to Lorna Wing centre in the end. I am 60 now and did not want to waste another minute more than I had to.

I can chat and make eye contact but inside my brain is swirling and whirring with rapid thoughts, analysis and an invisible barrier between me and the person. It is hard to describe.

You feel minimised when people respond like that to sharing your AS.

Actually, i forgot, a locum doctor did say it to me! It was when i saw them re ds1s possible hearing problem (that i said i think is just him tuning me out) i said that i was under mh team for asd (think i may have even specifically said aspergers) and he said "oh youre not autistic".

I get it a lot for ds2, and loads of helpful comments how to make it all go away (make him run).

I haven't really talked to anyone outside my family (meaning dh and dc), and they know better than to say something stupid like that.

The first one I had was this Tuesday.
A customer of mine that I've got to know really well decided I hadn't got asd because his wife and his son have and I'm not like them.
Turns out his son is very severe
His wife is also very shy, which I don't come across as.
But hey, it made me doubt myself so very unhelpful!

I haven't had too many comments along those lines, mostly people have said they're not surprised when I tell them. But then they are very familiar with ASDs, perhaps that makes a difference in that they know the stereotypes aren't all true.

It was only my boss who said 'I'd never have guessed' so not doubting my diagnosis just pointing out that I mask very well.

Anyway, I came on here to say that I have been congratulated on my pregnancy (I'm not) and asked where I've been on holiday to get my gorgeous tan (I was born with it, I'm mixed race). I even embarrassingly got mistaken for a boy while bathing topless on holiday (yes, I know I'm flat chested, but come on...) If people can't get it right about blatant visible physical characteristics, is it any wonder they can't get their heads around something they can't see?

The whole "you don't look autistic" thing always reminds me of this.

Not the same thing but i'd say in the same 'zone' is the whole "everybody's on the spectrum" thing?

The person i know who says this is a qualified psych and most definitely on there herself. She may well be at the 'almost normal' end of it lies but shes there!!

I didn't realise until very recently, but the 'spectrum' in ASD doesn't refer to a continuum from NT to ASD. It refers to the symptoms and how each person can have a different 'mix'- like a colour spectrum. If each symptom is a primary colour, then various shades of aquamarine or aubergine or russet can be made by mixing in different amounts of each.

So no, not everybody is on the spectrum.

I wish I had saved a link to the blog post that I saw the explanation on, it had pictures and everything!

That's the one! Might show it to my boss and my annoying colleague (who thinks she has 'caught' autism from one of our children... but it's OK because we're all on the spectrum somewhere).

Most other people I've

I've told say they're not surprised, or gone "yes, yes you are" etc.
I'm like "and why did no one bother to tell me before?!?!"

Exactly nickel. One of my colleagues actually laughed and said 'I can't believe you needed to go to a doctor for them to tell you that.'

My mum said 'well, I've always thought you were'. Part of the reason I put off diagnosis for so long is because my mum works in the field and I thought that if I did have AS my mum would have seen the signs before. Looks like she did but just never bothered raising the subject because I was 'coping'.

If you have very mild symptoms and do appear to be coping would you still liked to have been told ? My daughter has been told she doesn't have asd because she looks at people when they talk. Where I live it's very difficult to get a diagnosis especially for girls. I thought if she is very mild she won't get any supports anyway so I gave up fighting for a diagnosis. So technically she doesn't have asd if a professional hasn't said so. But if explaining asd to her and saying she has some symptoms of it will help her at what age should I do this. Especially because it is technically only MY OPINION

It gets harder to cope.
Especially when you "growup" and see everyone else acting like grownups and you can't work out how to do it.

I'm desperate for a diagnosis because I'll be able fo show proof that I wasn't just making it up all this time, or have a reason why I still can't hack adulthood

Nickelbabe are you trying to get diagnosed currently? If so, where are you at?

I wanted mine for the same reasons.

Yes, I'm right at the beginning of the process.
I met a woman from kent autistic trust. We chatted and she asked questions, then she sent me a letter which I had to give to my gp.
So I made an appointment with him and he put me down for referral with my letter.
Then called me back in to answer some questions, which weren't hard questions, but I got scared
Now I'm waiting.
Apparently in Kent it's 2 years for assessment.
So it's a lot of thumb twiddling and a lot of reading and a lot of "ohhhh, that makes sense!"