NOW CLOSED: To all MNers - please take our survey about rape and sexual assault - we'd like to hear from everyone

[AnnMumsnet]

Hello

As you probably know, Mumsnet is planning to launch a rape awareness campaign in the middle of March, and as part of that campaign we're asking Mumsnetters to complete a survey about their own experience, if any, of rape and sexual assault (following last year's informal survey by MNetter CristinedePizan).

Please note the survey is open to all MNers - whether you have been raped and/or sexually assaulted or not.

We've thought carefully about whether to run this survey, and about the wording of the questions that are on it. Indeed we have consulted with leading charities and organisations operating in this field. We're aware that this will be terribly painful for some of you, but we believe that evidence of MNers' own experiences of sexual violence is probably the most powerful way to get our campaign message across - to politicians, to the media and to the wider world.

The survey is open to to all female Mumsnetters, whether you have been raped and/or sexually assaulted or not. We want to get as accurate a picture as possible, so don't feel that you can't take part if this has never happened to you.

For those that do have personal experience, there are inevitably some very difficult and personal questions in the survey which you may find very upsetting to fill out. We're so sorry if that is the case; do feel free to leave without completing it if it becomes too painful.

Please also rest assured that all survey responses will remain completely anonymous, and won't be linked in any way to your MN nickname or RL identity. As a small gesture of thanks for taking part, there is a £50 Amazon voucher to be won.

If you have any thoughts on the campaign you are welcome to post them on this thread.

Here's the link to the survey

Many thanks,
Ann on behalf of the MNHQ Insight and Campaigns Teams

NB: If you've been affected by these issues, Rape Crisis offer support through their national helpline. The number is 0808 802 9999, and it's open every day of the year from 12pm to 2.30pm, and 7pm to 9.30pm. You can also visit their website for details of Rape Crisis Centres in your area www.rapecrisis.org.uk

No CatitainaHatita you're spot on, no ignoring necessary.

Done, good to think about things in this survery. I was abused as a child by an older male cousin and it was never reported to the police quite simply because my mother did not know what to do.

Done. Thanks for this campaign MNHQ - if it can change even one person's mind with regard to how rape & sexual assault survivors are treated then it'll be worth it.

Hi Everyone

Thanks for taking the time to complete the survey and comment here - really good to have had such a response already.

On a couple of the specific points - Notthefullshilling we did consider including men, and were initially keen to - for the reasons you discuss - however, we realised the number of responses we got were unlikely to be statistically significant and we felt it would be good to reflect the questions and discussions that arose following CristinedePizan's original survey.

That said, I think in the press release and our coverage we can definitely look to include the most relevant British Crime Survey Stats (BCS) on male rape and make the point it's not a women only issue.

PattiMayor In terms of conflating rape and sexual assault, although the survey covers both, we can separate out the results eg xx% have suffered rape xx% have suffered sexual assault. We also worked hard to have clear definitions, informed by the BCS in the opening paragraph. You're right though - this is a very tricky survey and we're working hard with the insight team (who are trained and experienced in these matters) to ensure our final stats are very robust.

TwllBach The law was changed in 2003 to include penetration of the mouth or anus without consent in the legal definition of rape.

happygilmore we will definitely add the Rape Crisis link (and hopefully a phone number) to the bottom of the survey - thanks for pointing that out.

KatieMiddleton we thought long and hard about your point. We hope that the note on language in the intro will let MNers know what is included in each category. From a legal standpoint, "non-consensual groping" is considered sexual assault.

Monsterbookoftyson As far as we can see, you could talk about your case in general terms but could not include details (including his name, circumstances of rape etc) that could identify her attacker, though do only do what you feel comfortable doing.

Thanks again to everyone who's completed the survey, especially to those for whom it will have been a difficult thing to do.

Best

MNHQ

Done, thanks for raising awareness

Done.

KatieMumsnet: Hi Katie thank you for your comprehensive reply to my post, I fully appreciate the thinking behind your reasons. Rape and sexual abuse is a societal problem not a gendered one and I would like to see a change in he national psyche that puts rape against any human outside the acceptible norm in our society. This would mean openly discussing male, and child rape as it would bring home to a much wider and in particular the small percentage of men who passively support the notions often spoke about here that other humans are "fair" game for what ever reason. So I hope you do not see this as me throwing toys out the pram but I will continue to look for a way that to make the argument that provides the largest body of evidence that is not able to be sidelined becouse it is from "the usual suspects".

Again apologies if I sound rude, I support without reservation all the objectives the campaign is aimed at, and if nothing else I know it will raise the issue in the public sphere which is not a bad thing at all, even better if it assists people suffering, from ongoing rape, or those who have not had the ability to report a rape come forward and start to reclaim their lives.

brawhen and zuzu - I feel just the same. I initially thought I would just fill it in but have nothing to report but then I remembered that as a teenager/ young woman I was actually kissed and groped against my will on two different occasions by much older men in positions of authority over me. I never reported either of these and from where I am now I can't imagine why I didn't. At the time I really thought I would be blamed although objectively I did nothing to encourage it. I really hope that we can contribute to changing our society as I would hate my daughter to experience the same.

I've completed the survey, but I am in full agreement with Notthefullshilling regarding male rape. I work as a volunteer on a rape and sexual abuse helpline and male rape and sexual abuse is far more common than people may imagine. Many men also feel they are unable to report it because it may in some way cast doubt upon their masculinity in the eyes of others. Many people still fail to see how male rape could possible happen...but it does and in just as many ways as affects women, i.e. anal penetrative rape (by penis or object), female rape of men (many people find this hardest to understand) this can happen with younger boys/men by females in authority positions, but not always, oral rape and so on. I see what MN are saying as to why they didn't include it but it does seem like they've taken the easy option and I fear male rape will remain as hidden as it is now, which is incredibly sad. As notthefullshilling says the issue is rape against any human, regardless of gender or age. I won't even get started on the calls I take from children being raped and sexually abused. It really is a wider issue, but all of the time the myth that it's a female issue is perpetuated, we won't make progress as a society. I'm not knocking what MN are doing, all awareness raising is great, but let's lead thew way on this issue, not follow the crowd.

Perhaps the ideal way to lead on this issue would be to partner with a heavily male website and suggest they too run such a survey?

Such a thing could be announced in the press release, as it may be easier to get men to participate after seeing the women's results than just doing it cold. (All those "but what about us" feelings could be usefully harnessed - even just to encourage the Nothing to Report responses which are statistically important.)

done...

The law was changed in 2003 to include penetration of the mouth or anus without consent in the legal definition of rape.

I always thought what happened to me was a sexual assault. Seeing the legal definition of rape has shook me, tbh :(

I felt the same way Feathers it's funny how just changing one word can have such an impact. 'Sexual assault' feels much easier to brush under the carpet, when really, nothing has changed - not the act itself, not the impact it had and not the way I feel about it.

I think remembering any such experiences on this spectrum of sexual assault to rape is almost bound to be upsetting. I hope everyone here is OK.

Thank you AmethystMoon just what I wanted to say but you did it much better than I could. Also I agree with Nilgiri mumsnet can run the "female" angle but partner up with Bernardos and as a start pointwww.aest.org.uk/survivors/male/myths_about_male_rape.htm for a partner organisation for the male side of things. I wish I could remember the name of the charity that was on the Jeremy vine show but brain ache prevents it at the moment.

Thanks for the survey. Was quite shocked to realise how many times I had been sexually assaulted and can understand how hard it is to get the terms right. If you divide it into "serious" and "non-serious" sexual assault, that's really trivialising. But then being groped is not going to be as serious for many as other things.

Thanks MNHQ. I agree.

The key to all of this is respect for others. When that is missing awful behaviour occurs and then has potential to escalate.

I included the groping in my response. I think it's important to acknowledge how much "low level" (for want of a better term) sexual assault goes on. Then we can make it socially unacceptable.

It does make me wonder what on earth is going through men's minds when they grope. I have NEVER looked at another person and thought "oh I'll grope his/her arse."

How fucking odd and pathetic.

I think it's totally fine to focus on women too. Agree, of course, that male rape and child abuse are totally awful and need to be addressed. But sometimes campaigns need a tight focus.

Arg, that was horrible. But I've done it. Am trying to be more open about what happened to me and to start talking about it. Thanks for constructing a good, positive survey that did not make me feel ashamed or intimidated.

Done.

i don't think anyone needs to apologise for focussing on women in this instance.

have done the survey - bit ouchy but glad i contributed.

I think you should outline and provide the legal parameters that are set out regarding rape and sexual assault.

Under section 1(1) SOA 2003 a defendant, A, is guilty of rape if:

_ A intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of B (the complainant) with his penis;

_ B does not consent to the penetration; and,

_ A does not reasonably believe that B consents.