Live online discussion with Melissa Hill, Thursday May 31st 9-10.15pm

[Carriel]

Melissa Hill is the controversial author of "The Smart Woman's Guide to Staying at Home". After the birth of her first child, Melissa gave up her successful City career to be at home full-time, and suggests that if you're finding all the juggling a bit too much - you could benefit from doing the same. You can post questions in advance for Melissa here, or log onto this discussion to talk to her live from 9-10.15pm this Thursday. The first 5 contributors to the live chat will each receive a copy of Melissa's book.

Hi there

Another one who hasn't read your book but ... a couple of things:

I have gone back to work part-time (if you can call 4 days a week part-time!) and love it. My son goes to a nursery with an educational philosophy that I have neither the resources nor the training to achieve on a daily basis at home. I love my baby with a passion I never dreamt possible until I had him but like it or not what I do at work is also a part of who I am as well as being a mum. It contributes to the whole me and I think that I (and consequently he & my husband) are the richer for it.

Another, more morbid, point is that anything can happen in life and I want to be in a position where he and I can survive on our own should anything dreadful happen. I do think that it is important that women retain a level of skill such that they are able to support themselves and their families if the worst happens.

I would be interested to read your reply to Bells re your previous earning capacity, the likelihood that your pensions & investments were well founded and that you and your husband were in a very strong financial position before you took the decision to stay at home and that you had had a good run at a successful career. Being probably a little younger I would like more time in my career (and to pay off my student loans myself!)

Nancy,

I'm not a child development expert, but the research I have read says that children can develop confidence and all that other good stuff just as easily in a good nursery environment as they can being 24/7 with their mother. The catch is the good nursery environment.

For many mothers who leave work, this is the deciding question. They were not able to find or afford the care they wanted for their children so they leave work or scale back their hours.

Other mothers I have met say the years after 3 are more important for being at home - it's the early years that are best for continuing your career!

Do what is best for your family given your situation. Your child will thrive when you are confident that you are doing the best you can for them.

~~~~~~
Bon,
I'm sure you appreciate life is full of trade-offs. I am at home with my children, but I gave up a lucrative career. You have a lucrative career but want more time with your children. It is the rare individual who can have their cake and eat it too.

I do know an ex-mother at home who is a medical professional in a very technical job who was able to return to work after being away for 10 years. It wasn't like she opened her door and announced 'take me back' and the hospitals fell all over themselves to take her, but after much searching and persistance she found what she calls her dream job, good hours at a super hospital. Don't sell yourself short. You are smart enough to be a doctor; you won't forget everything you know if you take a year or so off.

I know another GP who left his surgery to become a 'tv doctor' - those doctors who do medical reports on talk shows. He did this because he is a single dad who has to look after three children. His hand is still in the medical profession, he has a fun job and he has more time to spend with his kids.

Then there is private work - you don't say if you are a specialist, but there are plenty of clinics that only operate certain hours, or you can work a limited number of hours within a group practice.

I'm not an expert in the medical industry, but I've given you three options just there. I'm sure with some thought and creativity you'll come up with even more.

Thanks for all the great questions! Several of the books I mentioned during the chat can be purchased through my website, www.melissahill.co.uk, where you can also read a free chapter of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Staying at Home. If your question didn’t get answered, do email them to me at [email protected]!

Many thanks to all who joined in and to Melissa for her intelligent and stimulating answers. We'll put an edited transcript up on the site shortly.
Justine and Carrie