Dr Tanya Byron's coming back from 1.30-2pm on Tues 11th December and wants your views on video games and the internet

[CarrieMumsnet]

Dr Tanya Byron would like to pick your brains on how parents can help children deal with the benefits and potential risks of video games and the internet.

Is this an issue that worries you? Do you feel supported/equipped to help your child/ren navigate this technology safely?

Dr Tanya is producing a report for the Government - The Byron report - and is particularly keen to get parents to canvass opinions on this subject from their children, so do go ask the dc's what they think...if you can drag them away from their playstation that is .

As always if you can't attend on Tues, do feel free to post your thoughts/opinions/questions here.

I'm always very carfeul when it comes to buying PS2 games. DS1 is always asking for the WWE game, which ahs a 16+ certificate. Both DH and I say no, he's not getting it. Then DS says "oh but X has it and he's only 9 like me". More needs to be done to stop parents buying these games, although I do realise that many will buy them over the internet, so its impossible to police it

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My biggest worry is with the seeming addictiveness of my son's favourite online game, Runescape.

I think most MNers are familiar with the addictive potential of online entertainment, and it is a lot for a child to deal with. I'd like to see better parentsal controls built in to the game, which allowed us to set a weekly time limit.

My DD is only 5yo so as yet he access to the Internet and also to computer games is somwaht limited, and therefore unde rmy control.

DD has used the Internet from being very little, with me. And we have recently been showing her how to use Google and to look up things she is interested in. And she enjoys using a rnage of internet sites for games and learning from Club Penguin (on safe mode) to Rainforest Maths, etc.

I think it is very important that online computer use is monitoroed, and for that reason our computer will always be in an open family room, and not hidden away somewhere for a child to use alone.

DD loves her games consoles - we have a Wii and I have a DS, she is getting a DS for Christmas. But again I actually pay attention to the game content, so I select her games carefully to make sure they are apporpriate for her to use. We also limit her time on the machines too.

I think that computer/technology games have lots of good points, and can do a lot of good BUT they need monitoring by responsible adults.

Dr T is Looooooooooooooovely, but I am going out

Mine are too young to have the games themselves, but I do have regular squabbles with DH about him playing killing games with the children around (He is baffled as to why killing games are bad but Buffy is fine ). It is the you going and killing something though rather than watching a programme iysiwm.

They need the games to be clearer - big letters on websites saying the age rating etc. I remember in Game my mate taking great pleasure one Christmas in telling parents that Grand Theft Auto was unsuitable for under 18s, telling them about the pimps and whores, and suggesting the Simpson's version instead. He thinks there were some very disappointed kids that year

Not sure if any of that is at all relevant , but really - much more detail about the content and age ratings ONLINE so that parents can make an informed choice - they are mroe likely to be told instore, but preferably more information there too.

I argee with Saltire, the key is to get the information out there more so there is less of "X has it though"

My dd is six and we don't have playstations or video games. She goes to after school club where she goes on their playstation for an alloted time.
She would like a play-station or a nintendo ds for christmas but we have told her Father Christmas doesn't bring presents like that!
We feel as parents that (young) children need to be engaged in the great outside rather than being exposed to this type of stimulus.
I am concerned that there is a wide varity of violent, grusome games availible and some children are exposed to these images (by their family) at an age inapproprite for them. Research with Bo-Bo dolls many years ago suggested that children who see physical aggresion were more likely to be aggresive themselves.
How can we influence parents to take this on board? I don't know but maybe by educating parents,or parenting classes but at the end of the day I guess it's up to the parents.

My other comment on this topic is about how some people against children using computers/games consoles is that it somehow means that that is all they play with.

Variety and balance is very important. My DD does all manner of activites, organised and informal, playing outside, playing with toys, playing with friends, playing on her own, reading, writing, colouring, sport, music, etc. A wide range of normal 5 year odld activities. But yes, she also has access to computers and games consoles to use. None are exclusively used.

I agree that if a child was playign with a games console allthe time and not doing other stuff it would be bad, but to play on and off every so often - to me that is perfectly fine.

As far as ds is concerned (he is eight and a half) we are fairly hardline about certification for stuff for his DS Lite - nothing over 12 plus.
We don't even have a games console, but he does have a subscription to Club Penguin - IMO the perfect example of a really positive way for children to use the internet.
Dh and I both work in a web-dependent profession so feel fairly up to speed with filtering software and internet privacy/safety issues. We read the IT pages in several broadsheets and dh also reads some of the professional press.
But I'm well aware that a lot of families do find this major issue a worry so I think it's great the governement has commissioned a parenting expert of Dr Tanya's calibre to look into this subject.

My DS is 7. We don't have any games consoles but he does play games on a PC. We started off with educational games & he does still like these but he also plays other types of platform game now too - Lego Star Wars being a favourite. Personally, I'm not too keen on the 'violence' even with Lego characters & so we limit time of use. I prefer him using a PC though to play, as at least he has great PC skills - navigating & using keyboard & mouse which I think is important. I do monitor game content & he can't shut himself away to play. Sometimes its hard to see just from a cover of a game, exactly the sort of content it has & I don't always think the ratings are that useful compared to cinema ratings for example.

I agree - the ratings are not clear at all and games these days give so little away on the back cover that you have little understanding of what the game actually involves.

Please could the divine Dr T give me some tips on controlling DP's game usage?

Seriously though, DS is just a baby but his dad spends hours on the x-box or playing PC games. I am concerned that kids these days do not have role models who play sports and get outdoors - I'm sure as the years pass DP and I will have frequent arguments re the mountain bike languishing in the shed while he shoots zombies with DS. It worries me in terms of our kids developing healthy attitudes to active pursuits.

Oooh yes - me too Chubby!

I'm so glad we didn't scare her away after last time.

Keep the pc in a family room so that temptation to be where they shouldn't be is lessened.

Check out the age guidance and if necessary surf the net to find out what the game is about. We won't let them watch films that are above their age range nor play games above them either.

Get some family friendly games so that you can play together (or challenge your children to see who can get the highest score lol). That's why I like the Wii console and am considering getting one after Christmas.

What makes the games so desirable is the fact that mum or dad don't like them or won't get involved.

It's all about age appropriateness and gentle policing as well as having some fun.

The thing is, I know for a fact that DP would listen to Tanya. Albeit with a small trickle of saliva on his chin, he would definitely take more notice of the good lady doc than he would of me. He calls her "the hot one" (vs supernanny ... won't repeat what he calls her for fear of legal reprisals ).

OK, I have 3 boys, aged almost 14, 12 (next Friday) and 9. They all play video games to one degree or another.

I have a number of issues with them. The age rating may be OK for the 14 yo, but the 9 yo also gets to see them (and sometimes play them). The games are hard to assess as a parent, unlike dvds which you can watch beforehand. With the game you have to play it to see what it is like and I (a) don't have the time for that and (b) undoubtedly do not have the skill to get past Level 1! And so many of them involve killing or blowing people up - even the ones with cutesy little dragons and furry critters.

I have had to ban all video games during the week as otherwise the desire to play on them interferes with homework, etc.

When they do play, I find that the games become all-consuming. They cannot be dragged away from them without huge arguments and any request to do something for me causes ructions. I also find that they are losing the ability to amuse themselves in any other way. They are currently on a ban until Christmas (because of bad behaviour whilst playing games) and it's turning into a punishment for me because they are now boooorrrreeeed .

I also have an issue with the price of the games. Given that they are so popular, the price for each game as it is released is far too much. And the pressure to have the latest game, acquire the latest console, is huge. There will always be children whose parents can afford to buy the latest whatever and then the pressure is on the rest of us to do likewise "but X has it, why can't I???".

I suppose I should be grateful that the boys aren't into fashion (yet) so don't give two hoots whose logo is on their trainers. Sigh.

Another thought. I'm with aol and I get emailed activity reports as to where my DC have been and what sites they've attempted to go on. Can be a bit of a pain as the security won't allow them to use some of the study sites they need, but then I log them into my username (I never give them my password) and then I check the toolbar. The rule is "Delete the toolbar, lose the computer for 2 weeks" which can be a bit of a pain when they surf the internet for homework

not around tomorrow afternoon so just wanted to share our experiences. DS1 is nearly 4 - for over a year we have popped in and out of the CBeebies games on the website - some he likes more than others.. some have helped him with left and right (driving type games) some with judging timings (tennis with lunar jim)
6 months ago we got a Wii - he plays some of the games on there - he has a racing cows game and is good at table tennis.
He never plays any of these games without an adult actively supervising him and we put the timer on for 30 mins and at the buzzer the computer or wii gets switched off.
I can't see much changing in the next few years except for the games he is playing we will still supervise and set a timer.
I will be really interested if TB has any great tips.

I am much more concerned about the kind of material they might access on the internet than by video games

(which you can, up to a point, control in terms of content and time spent).

It bothers me very much that a fourteen year old or a twelve year old can access hard-core and truly extreme pornography ....

well, actually any pornography, if I'm honest, just by clicking on the little sign that says "I am 18 and can enter here".

I think we need to find ways to talk about this aspect of the net, aside from "Don't go there" -- because of all the well-rehearsed debates

about this kind of material and because of the gender politics of it and for about a hundred other reasons.

Not sure any government is in a position to take on a billion dollar global industry but we can surely think

about how to talk to and debate with our children about this.

It's all a long, long way from Penthouse.

The boys' computer is in their playroom where I can see what they are up too. Trouble is their internet connection has been down for a while so they have been using my computer, which is upstairs - pain running up and down the stairs to check what they are up to.

Their computer is set up with parental controls, so I have to approve every website they visit. Mine is not (and I don't want to set it up that way as I think I can be trusted ) but obviously that means that they can visit unapproved sites before I realise.

I have to say that they are not terribly interested in a lot of online stuff - mainly free games sites, youtube, etc. But that may change as and when their friends start talking about what sites they visit, etc. They do know not to give out personal information, but that doesn't necessarily stop them if they are chatting away and just forget. I do get the impression that my boys are not as technologically street-wise as many of their friends - which has its advantages and disadvantages.

That was a great post, Freckle. DSs are only 3 & 8, but I can see that we are heading the same way as your experiences.
If it were up to me, DS1 would have only had educational type games at home for a long time. I think it's often Dads who find it harder to stick with just educational games....
That said, games have often been a good thing -- bonding when DS and DH play together, and DS has been encouraged to learn to read by complicated strategy games (eg., Rollercoaster Tycoon, Jurassic Park, Zootopia, etc.).

Is it a boy thing? I got DS a DS lite for his birthday and he has the Spider man game. He loves it. Now what really worries me is that when DS goes to bed I find DP playing it with more vigour than DS. He argues that it is good because they do it together and it is social.

I try to balance it with other things and DP will play board games with him which he loves as much. I got him a chess set for Christmas and another strategy type game. As long as Dad plays it with him he will love it as much as DS Lite.

I think boys will tend to become obsessed with things. DP is obsessed with News and current affairs and obviously he thinks this is laudable but I see a simple obsession. DS actually suggested getting him a DVD of Channel 4 news for his birthday.

It could be that I have a low boredom threshold but I don't see the appeal of games.

I play too. I think mums should play more often, then they would have a more balanced view about it.

Everything in moderation is a maxim that fits well in this debate.

We're a bit hardline - no video games/ playstations or anything. We do allow them to use the computer for short periods to go on the internet, but have disabled the address bar, so if they want to find out about something we do it together. (our eldest is 6).