Having trouble getting your baby to sleep? Join our webchat with sleep expert Andrea Grace, Thursday 23 March, midday - 1pm

[RachelMumsnet]

Does your baby still wake regularly in the night? Are they resistant to daytime naps? Are you unsure how to set up a good bedtime routine? We’re running a webchat on Thursday 23 March between midday and 1pm with sleep expert Andrea Grace who will be on-hand to answer all your questions about baby sleep.

Andrea is a trained health visitor, nurse and mental health nurse and is a mother to four children. Since setting up as a sleep specialist in 1999 she has helped hundreds of families to overcome their children’s sleep problems. She writes for Mother & Baby magazine as well as other national newspapers and her book Andrea Grace’s Sleep Solutions is described as "a saving grace". Andrea has a sleep clinic based in London which offers individual consultations both nationally and internationally via Skype, Face time and telephone.

Join Andrea on Thursday 23 March at midday or post up your questions for Andrea in advance on this thread.

A very warm welcome to Andrea Grace who will be answering questions for the next hour on this thread. Andrea will try and get through as many qs as possible but as some questions are quite similar, it's worth reading through all her answers as her advice to other users could well be helpful to you. Over to you Andrea...

Hi there! I'm here now to answer your questions for the next hour, so do feel free to ask away!

@LalaLeona

How can i stop my 13 month old waking for the day between 4 and 5am? hes grumpy and tired all day.

Hi LalaLeona
Early waking is very common in babies of this age. Sleep is much lighter towards morning and they have the momentum to remain awake when they stir any time after 4am. These early wake ups will resolve but may take a bit of time. Right now, you need to keep to your usual bed time. Putting him to bed later will not mean that he wakes later in the morning, and he is likely to just end up over tired. When he wakes very early in the morning, if his crying is very severe, stay quietly in the room, patting and shushing or even picking him up until he either goes back to sleep or until its clear he is definitely not going back to sleep. Do give him a good half an hour at least to try and go back to sleep though and please don’t feed him.

Try not to get him up before 6 am and when you do - ALWAYS open the curtains first [day time signal.] Then most important of all - regardless of whether he is tired or not, please push him to at least 10am or even lunch time before he takes his first nap, and prevent him from falling asleep earlier. If this happens, not only will the early napping support and enable the early waking, but you also may find yourself in a vicious cycle, where he is waking early, napping early and then probably missing an afternoon sleep and becoming “over tired” at bed time - which in itself will impact on his night’s sleep. Good luck!

@LillyLollyLandy

I'm very familiar with the various sleep regressions due to having two older children, but what should I do with my 10 week old now to develop good sleep hygiene habits that help us get through those regressions?

Hi LillyLollyLandy,

Your 10 week old baby will just about be getting their days and nights sorted out now and good sleep will hopefully be just around the corner for you.

Although the little one might not be ready to have a bed time routine at the same time as your older ones, you should now be starting a simple routine that is very close to the time that your 10 week old baby is naturally settling for the night. In addition to this, you should try the following:

1. If you’re breastfeeding - feed on demand. Babies are more settled with a full tummy and lots of cuddles. Cluster feed” in the evening because late in the day, breast milk secretes Tryptophan - which converts to Seratonin, a sleep hormone.

2. Allow them to experience the difference between night time and day light. This encourages the production of another night time sleep hormone - melatonin.

3. Wind them well after the final feed and introduce a familiar bedtime song or poem which will become a sleep cue.

4. Try whenever possible to put them into the cot sleepy but still awake - or when they wake later, they may feel confused about no longer being in your arms.
   Good luck with your growing family!

@Pregnantabroad

I have non identical twins who are just over 3 months old (born at 37 weeks). I struggle to get them to sleep without constant rocking. I have a 4 yr old at school and a 3 yr old at pre-school/home so morning and afternoon naps are always in the buggy then continued at home by rocking to try and get them to 45 mins. Inbetween times I either have to take them for a long walk/drive or rock them in the buggy at home. It is utterly exhausting and unsustainable. It has got worse over the last 3 or 4 weeks where I can't rock for a few mins and then leave them. After 5 mins one wakes up, so I rock, then the other wakes up, so I rock and so on. Occassionally I get a longer break but it is very unpredictable. After a bad night (also getting worse) I can't bear it. I am also recovering from a slipped disc and rocking the buggy irritates my sciatica. I know how important sleep is but it is ruling my life and impacting on my relationship with my other family. I am not expecting them to sleep through the night, I just need them to settle themselves. I feel like cry it out training is the only option (especially as my husband often gets home late and travels) but I didn't do that until my other children were a bit older. Also, I'm cowering at the thought of how much crying might be involved. What do you suggest? Thank you.

DearPregnantabroad,

I think that your sleep problem takes the biscuit for the most difficult and really my heart goes out to you with 4 children under the age of 4 years! At 3 months old, I suspect that your babies are just about to turn the corner with their sleeping. It is about this time that most babies get their days and night sorted out and sleep through a few hours at night. If they are over reliant on being rocked to sleep however, this process will be delayed. I think that you should concentrate on establishing their self settling skills just before they settle for their longest stretch of sleep - which will probably be late evening. [when your older children are in bed and you'll have more time.] Try rocking them in their cribs/moses baskets so that at least they have a sense of where they are and won't wake later feeling alarmed that they are no longer in your arms. It will also help remove the strain on your back. Yes there will be tears, but provided that they are fed and winded, they will come to no harm and they will soon learn. If you can teach them to fall asleep more independently at the time when it is easiest for them to lear [i.e bed time!] they will soon be able to transfer those skills to day time naps and later night time wakings. I really do hope that this improves for you very soon x

Hi Andrea
For the last month, our 14 month old daughter has been awake in the night for up to 2 hours, chatting, playing and grizzling in her cot. Her bedroom is next to ours so she wakes us. She can wake up any time of night but it's usually in the middle of the night , anywhere between 12 and 3am. She starts off just chatting and gradually gets upset (probably due to being overtired). Occasionally she's settle back to sleep on her own, but often we end up going into her and giving her some water. She doesn't drink much of it so it's not that she's thirsty.
She goes to bed at 7pm and straight to sleep. In the morning she wakes anywhere between 6.30am and 7.30am. She's had a few ear infections this winter but this night waking started when she was perfectly well. Can you advise what to do (if anything)? Thanks

@PontypandyPioneer

Hi, sorry long one!

My 8 month old still catnaps during the day - he'll only sleep for half an hour at a time, wakes up crying and will not be settled back down. Can I do anything to stop this?

At night he wakes between 10-11pm and will rarely settle back in his own cot. If we move him into our bed he's asleep in seconds. I don't want to co-sleep, I want him in his own cot! We have a good night routine going on - including quiet time, bath and milk.

He will also not self settle - I have to push him in buggy for naps and feed to sleep (bottle) or rock him at night. CIO/CC not an option as we also have a 2.5 year old (who, coincidentally, wouldn't nap either!!)

Thanks in advance for any help!

Hi Pontypandy Pioneer,

It is a long one but its a good one and I’m sure that many others experience the same issues that you are having.

Let’s start with the nights. Despite your good bedtime routine, your baby is waking up as soon as he goes into a light sleep phase expecting the ritual of the transfer to your bed! Right now, he regards his cot as just a temporary “holding pen” until he gets into his “proper” sleeping place [in bed with you.] It is not helped by the fact that in order to avoid disruption to your older one, you are over helping him to go to sleep at bedtime by feeding him to sleep.

You’ve ended up in a vicious cycle with the nights and his generally poor sleep skills having a knock on effect to his days.

DON’T WORRY - this is completely resolvable, but you do need to accept that there may be some temporary disruption to your 2.5 year old.

Because I think that your problem will resonate with others, I have designed a sleep plan for you. I’ve put it below and wish you lots of luck with it!

In order for your 8 month old to improve his over all sleep, he needs to:

1. Settle independently at the beginning of the night.
2. Drop his night feeds.
3. Be helped to accept his own cot as a safe and permanent sleeping place.

Explain to your toddler that baby is learning to sleep better and he might be a bit cross but he's ok and mummy is with him. If you’ve got someone on hand to help you on the first couple of night - staying with your older one - that would be ideal.

The sequence of the routine is more important than the timing of it, so its fine to be a little bit flexible if you need to be.

After bathing the children together and getting them dressed for bed, encourage them to kiss one another goodnight, hand your toddler to your partner or trusted friend and then take the baby through to the room he sleeps in. Give him his bottle sitting on your knee with the light kept on and discouraging him from dozing off. Then [to break the milk/sleep association] look at a little baby book together [same one each night.] Don’t worry if it seems to stimulate him and wakes him up. Then hold him as you stand up with him and go and turn the light down. As you are doing this, you should start your “goodnight phrase” - Something like, “Sleepy time now, darling!” Place him into him cot wide awake, and if he doesn’t cry, you can potter in and out of the room, clearing up etc. Give him as much time as it takes if he just wants to fidget, fuss and play!

When he starts to cry, you should kneel beside him; allow him to kneel up or sit up and then hold him as he is kneeling/sitting and give as much physical contact as he needs [whilst keeping him in the cot.] So you can pat/stroke down his back etc.

Speak softly/sing to him or use a repeated soothing phrase/song that he will come to recognise as a sleep signifier.

Don’t be afraid of his crying, and please be assured that he will be OK. You are kneeling right beside him and therefore, he does not feel frightened or abandoned. His cries are down to frustration that you are not following the familiar settling routine of feeding him to sleep.

Every 5 minutes or so, you can lay him down if he will let you but at first he will get straight back up. When he does this, you should let him. Give him time and don’t fight with him.

As he eventually becomes calm and allows you to lay him down; withdraw the amount of your contact, until you are sitting beside his cot and not touching him. Do stay with him, however. The whole process is probably going to take about an hour - but it could be longer and there is no upper time limit.

For the first 2-3 nights, it is advisable for you to stay beside him, and not attempt to withdraw. This is to help him develop positive associations with the cot.

Once he is asleep, go and check on your older one and then go to bed as early as you can, and be mentally prepared to be up in the night with him when he wakes up.

When he wakes, you should kneel or sit beside him, holding him in the cot and repeating the same sleepy phrase as you did earlier. Please do not feed him [at 8 months old he no longer needs a night bottle] and do not bring him into your bed - even if you are concerned that he might disturb your older one.

You may be up many times on the first night or two and each time you go to him, you must be completely consistent in your response to him.

You should treat any time before 6/7am as if it is a night waking. If he sleeps beyond this time, you can allow him to wake up when he’s ready. Before getting him up, you should open the bedroom blind/curtains and put the light on, to offer him a visual clue that it is now daytime and give him an emphatic, “Good Morning!”

Then bring him into the living room [not your bed] and start the day. You can give him a bottle after a few minutes.

Day time naps:

It is important that for daytime cot naps, he is settled in exactly the same way as at night time - so go to his room - change his nappy - feed if he’s due one - baby book [same one as night time] and then into the cot awake. It’s fine for him to nap in the pram if you’re out.

At 8 months, you would expect 2 main naps a day. One mid morning and one mid afternoon totalling about 3 hours [give or take.] As his night time sleep skills improve, so should his day time naps [unless he takes after your older one!]

Hi Andrea
My 11 month old is taking only 1 nap per day- at 10:30 until 12:30( 6am wakeup and 7pm bedtime with waking every hour in the night but that's a different question!)
He refuses to nap earlier or after. Any tips? Should I just stop trying to get him to have 2 nap now? I'm worried he I not sleeping enough.
Thanks

Hi OhWhatAPalaver,

When a baby goes to sleep at the start of the night, they don’t go into one long period of continuous unconsciousness. Healthy sleep happens in cycles and this means that it is normal for them to wake up a few times in the night. Even babies who are “good sleepers” wake in the night, but the difference is that they put themselves back to sleep. What’s happened with your baby is that she has developed a breast/sleep dependence. So even though she no longer needs to feed at night for nutritional reasons, she needs it in order to re settle. In a nutshell she needs to stop breastfeeding to sleep at the start of the night and drop all of her night feeds. To feed her some times and not others is not only unnecessary but also it may confuse and upset her.

So follow a simple consistent routine and do a bed time story after her breast feed [to break the connection] then put her into the cot awake and if she cries - stay with her and comfort her until she goes to sleep. If she’s standing up in the cot, hold her as she stands and just cuddle her but lay her down every 5 min or so. Give her time! Its a new skill that she’s learning and it will take as long as it takes. Expect about an hour’s crying but it might be longer and theres no upper time limit. Calmly accept the tears - she’s not feeling abandoned - just cross! Sleep will come - mother nature will take care of that.

@OhWhatAPalaver

Please could you help us with our 9 month old? She's goes down okay after 8pm breastfeed (have to feed to sleep) but during the night she wakes frequently and is impossible to put down in her cot without waking her and when she does finally go down it's only for 1-2 hours and every time she wakes she will only be breastfed back to sleep. She seems to just want to sleep on me all night. I don't know why she's doing this again, a few weeks ago we had got to a point where she was going for 4 hour stretches sometimes, which was great but it didn't last long. I don't know if it's wind, teeth, that we've just upgraded to the sleepyhead grand or if it's something else entirely. I'm getting migraines and muscle pains from lack of sleep so something needs to be done. Would greatly appreciate your advice.

@PontypandyPioneer

Me again,

Also have 2.5 year old who loves routine. His bedtime routine has been the same since he was about 3 months old and he's usually a great night time sleeper.

However, he's still in a cot with sides and a sleeping bag - how can I do a smooth transition to duvet/pillow and pyjamas? He loves his sleeping bag and loves getting in it at night but he's getting too big!

Another great question, PontypandyPioneer! It will only take 2-3 nights for your older boy to get used to a different sleep environment, so long as you introduce the change with enthusiasm, confidence and consistency. It is possible to get hold of zip up duvets - try The Gro company and I’m sure there are others, but if you want to avoid dependency on a new piece of kit, I would simply tuck him in firmly at both the sides and base of the cot/bed mattress with a soft sheet. That should give him a nice feeling of security and cosiness. Good luck!

@haywhenthesunshines

Hi Andrea My 11 month old is taking only 1 nap per day- at 10:30 until 12:30( 6am wakeup and 7pm bedtime with waking every hour in the night but that's a different question!) He refuses to nap earlier or after. Any tips? Should I just stop trying to get him to have 2 nap now? I'm worried he I not sleeping enough. Thanks

Hi Haywhenthesunshines,

Its not unusual for babies as young as 9 months to go down to just one nap a day - so what your 11 month old is doing is not that outlandish. If he is only taking one nap a day though, it needs to be in the MIDDLE of the day - so try to push it a bit later.

As far as him waking every hour in the night- you should not be accepting this. Please will you have look at my sleep plans for YoucantscaremeIhavechildren and PontyPanda. You might find that they help you with your little boy's sleeping. Good luck!

Hi LilaGrace,

The best thing to do with this is not to intervene unless she is clearly upset. Try and leave her to put herself back to sleep in her own time. Going in and trying to expedite things by giving her an unnecessary drink. Check that she’s not sleeping more than 3 hours in the day time, as excessive day time sleep could cause this and lead you into a vicious cycle. Otherwise - don’t worry. Leave her to it and she will outgrow it. I hope that helps.

@LilaGrace

Hi Andrea For the last month, our 14 month old daughter has been awake in the night for up to 2 hours, chatting, playing and grizzling in her cot. Her bedroom is next to ours so she wakes us. She can wake up any time of night but it's usually in the middle of the night , anywhere between 12 and 3am. She starts off just chatting and gradually gets upset (probably due to being overtired). Occasionally she's settle back to sleep on her own, but often we end up going into her and giving her some water. She doesn't drink much of it so it's not that she's thirsty. She goes to bed at 7pm and straight to sleep. In the morning she wakes anywhere between 6.30am and 7.30am. She's had a few ear infections this winter but this night waking started when she was perfectly well. Can you advise what to do (if anything)? Thanks in advance x

Thanks Andrea- it does!

Wow what awfull advice.

Basically cry it out and stop night feeds as no nutritional value for a 9th old.

Where's your evidence base for these claims? ??

@thatmakesmehappy

My 11 month old has started waking at 5am ready for the day, and refuses to go back to sleep. He is therefore knackered and is back asleep by 9ish. We've tried leaving him to self settle but he just screams himself hysterical and won't go back to sleep anyway. He has a good bedtime routine, dinner followed by Bath, a story, milk and bed. He's always been a good sleeper, sleeping 8pm-7am, but since he was poorly a few weeks ago we just haven't been able to get him back to his sleeping pattern. We deliberately avoided doing things like bringing him into our bed, rocking him to sleep and feeding him, out of fear he would develop those into habits. He gets a quick cuddle to reassure him and then I sit with my hand on his back until he settles. This is the only other thing that will keep him quiet and relaxed but doesn't always get him back to sleep. Any tips? Or is this just a phase?

Hi thatmakesmehappy!
Well done for not getting into bad habits here - bringing him into your bed etc. Please refer to my very first answer - to Lalaleona and good luck!

Hi Samanthajayne17,
Its great that you're breastfeeding but rather like Ohwhatapalaver, it sounds like you and Jim have unwittingly got into the trap of breast/sleep dependence. Please will you follow the advice that I have given to her and if you need more info - go to my website www.andreagrace.co.uk and look at the article on how to safely drop your baby's night feeds. The key is to introduce another element like a book/song/poem etc AFTER the feed and before they go into the cot. This will become their main sleep clue and even though there will be some tears and protest at first, this will soon resolve and at 9 and a half months, Jim is at a great age to learn new tricks!

@samanthajayne17

My 9 and a half month old son can not sleep unless he's breastfed to sleep. I want to start weaning Jim off breast milk before his first birthday so how can I get him to sleep without breast? I tried just ignoring him but he will cry all night and not be able to sleep unless he's had his breast milk. He also wakes another 2 times in the night where he will again need a breastfeed to sleep.

@maccamummy

Hi - I have a 10 month old who typically sleeps 7pm - 5am. We put him down awake, and he gets himself off to sleep quietly. Same for naps, all in the cot, but they last half an hour - but he needs more as I then pick him up, and within seconds he's back asleep so i have to hold him for another hour. How do I get him to nap for the whole hour and a half in the cot? Thank you.

Hi Maccamummy,

Many babies struggle with taking naps - especially those babies that doesn’t like to miss anything! The early waking is all part and parcel of the same thing. Your baby is just taking the minimum amount of sleep that he needs and as soon as he comes into lighter sleep, he wants to be up. You are doing the right thing in allowing him to self settle to sleep and I am presuming that when you put him down for naps he is not getting hungry and that he is warm enough in his cot. If you’ve got all that covered then I’m afraid that for the moment, you are likely to need to carry on cuddling him back to sleep for that hour. I say for the moment because there’s every chance that when he’s a bit older and drops to one nap a day, after his lunch, he will settle for longer. In the meantime, try to make the most of the cuddles!

@CalJo

I have a 3 month old that has silent reflux and to get any sleep when he was first born I had to sleep with him on me while I was propped up on the bed upright. I've tried co-sleeping and just laying down flat with him on my chest but to not be kept upright wakes him up. He is properly medicated now for his silent reflux and is generally a lot more comfortable but I'm shattered and it's breaking my back having to sleep upright. What can I do to get him to sleep off of me (I have the next to me crib, with sleepyhead and have it propped up for his reflux)

Hi CalJo,

It’s really tough caring for a baby who has severe silent reflux and certainly you were doing the right thing in letting him sleep upright on your chest when his symptoms were not controlled. Now that he is properly medicated, his insistence on being held close to you is more likely to be down to habit than need.

I suggest that you concentrate on getting him to go down in his cot primarily at the beginning of the night. At this time, you can be sure that he is ready to go to sleep - the sleep hormones are coming into play now and his days and nights are established. So start off with a bed time routine half an hour or so before you predict that he’s ready to settle for the night. Bath him every night and then feed. Afterwards hold him upright for as long as you have been advised to but try not to let him fall asleep on you. As you’re holding him, start to repeat a “sleepy mantra” which will in time become a sleep signifier for him. Then put him down [awake] in the sleepy head in the crib and give him time to go to sleep - keep repeating the mantra and feel free to pick him up and pace around with him if he cries a lot. Then put him back into the crib when he’s a bit calmer. Don’t feed him again and don’t give up and have him fall asleep on your chest. At this time of night, sleep is inevitably going to come and therefore it is the ideal time to teach your baby some new sleep tricks. Over the coming nights, your baby will get better at settling in the crib and it will take less time and less crying. If you can get this initial settling right, then there is every chance that your nights [and days] will improve. Good luck!

@bigkidsdidit

I don't have a question - I just wanted to say THANK YOU

Five years ago I came to see you with my six month old who was waking every 45 minutes. I honestly was on the verge of a breakdown (weeping by his cot etc). After a month with you he was sleeping 12 hours.

I used the same technique with no 2 child and it was the same.

So many many thanks

How kind of you to post that - you’ve just made my day, bigkidsdidit! Thank you xx

@Youcantscaremeihavechildren

We are at the end of our tether with my nearly 2 year olds sleep. He takes ages to go to sleep, sometimes an hour, with me having to be with him all that time or he just screams, he wakes at least once in the night, always wakes crying, and wakes up for the day anytime from 3-5 am. I just can't see an end in sight. He seems to need a proper nap still as he's desperate for it and is worse with the early waking if he's overtired. Weve seen a sleep consultant but nothing helped. Are we just going to have to accept more years of no sleep? Do some children just not sleep well? (my dd was 4 before she slept properly!)

Dear Youcan’tscaremeihavechildren,

You absolutely do not have to accept this! What you describe is so common and it is resolvable. The night waking and early waking are down to the fact that you are “having to be with him” as he goes to sleep. You don’t have to be with him! What you need to do is the following:

Follow a consistent bed time routine. Once the bath time is finished, go directly to his room for milk followed by a story. Keep the light on and keep the story the same one each night.

After this, hold him upright as you turn down the light and walk around with him for a moment or two. Begin to repeat a “sleepy phrase” such as, “Sleepy time now” then place him into his cot whilst he is still clearly awake and calmly kiss him goodnight.

Leave the corridor light on then use the sleepy phrase again. Leave the room but do not fully close the door. Don’t worry if he stands up immediately or if he cries/screams.

You should return to him briefly after 2 minutes only. Be kind, brisk and reassuring as you pat the mattress or lay him down. If he doesn’t want to lay down, don’t worry. Just say something like, “Never mind. Lay down later.” If he does lay down, expect him to stand up again almost immediately, but still leave the room.

Then return to him every 2 minutes and do exactly the same thing until he gives in to sleep. He needs to develop some stronger sleep skills at this time. Because this is happening at the start of the night, sleep coming is absolutely inevitable.

Each time you go in to him, you should spend no more than 10 seconds in the room. Be brief, kind and brisk. Do not sit beside the cot trying to calm him. If you do this, he will only become more distressed when you leave him again. Just lay him down or pat the mattress, use your sleepy phrase and leave the room after a few seconds even if he is still crying and standing up.

During this period, as he is struggling to go to sleep, be assured that he is neither hungry nor in pain. His crying is frustration at the new routine only. There is no need to go in to him if the crying is just a grumble, or if it becomes very intermittent or low level.

Eventually sleep will come - expect it to take about an hour, but it may well be longer and there is no upper time limit.

As soon as he is asleep, you should be very glad with your [and his] achievement. Go to bed early and be mentally prepared to be up if/when he wakes in the night or at dawn.

Any time that he wakes before 6am, you should leave him for a few moments to see if he can re settle himself. If he can’t, you should go to him and then exit and return exactly as you did at the start of the night – using the same “sleepy phrases.”

After 6am, if he is showing no signs of going back to sleep, get him up for the day, open his curtains/blinds and put on the lights first before lifting him out of his cot. Give him lots of warm cuddles!

On the following day, you should try to hold off his nap until after lunch. You can let him nap in the pram if you don’t want to have the crying again. When you do decide to put him down in his cot for a nap, however, it needs to be in exactly the same way as you did the night before. It will confuse him too much if you stay with him in the day and do it differently at night.

The more resolute and confident that you are; the quicker and more effective your sleep plan will be.

Good luck!

@Girlwhowearsglasses

Another coming on to say thanks! No questions as my babies are now 10 and 8 but you saved our sanity when my twins and older toddler were all over the place.

Thank you

Dear Girlwhowearsglasses . Its lovely of you to thank me. I’m really delighted that I was able to help you xx

@Liskee

Any advice on getting an 8 month old from co sleeping to cot? He's formula fed during day but breastfeeds (a lot) at night as it's easier and less disruptive to rest of household. He naps on me during the day as otherwise he only sleeps 20/30 mins at a time. We've tried CC but he vomited everywhere - twice.

Hi Liskee,

At 8 months old, your baby doesn't need to beast feed at night for nutritional reasons - he will be feeding out of habit and as a sleep prompt when he rouses out of a sleep cycle. I suggest that you follow the 8 month sleep plan that I gave to PontypandyPioneer above but with the following addition:

If he vomits, be as calm as possible, as you very quickly change the bedding. Do not bath him, but bring a warm flannel and just wipe his hands, face and hair if necessary. Offer a small drink of water – but not another feed. Keep the bedroom lights down low. As soon as you have changed him and wiped up the mess in the room, place him back into the cot. Remember that the vomiting is not a sign of illness, and you are probably a lot more distressed about it than he is! Try not to reward his behaviour with lots of attention or you may unwittingly encourage being sick as a habitual response. Good luck!

@choclateyclare

We recently moved our 2 year old from a cot to a toddler bed as he is very tall and was getting too big for the cot/sleeping bag. He has never been a good sleeper and for the last couple of months has wanted me to sit next to the cot and hold his hand as he goes to sleep (I would leave the room initially after putting him in the cot and then return later if he got upset). We tried to ensure that it was a gradual transition – (talking about the bed, taking him to buy it and help set it up, having the bedding in the cot first, putting it in the same position as the cot etc). He also seems okay with napping in the bed during the day and is keen to sit in it and read. Since moving to the bed he has been crying and screaming as soon as I leave the room, this can continue for several hours - nothing I could do seemed to comfort him, and he only eventually fell asleep when I lay in the bed next to him (then woke again in the night and early morning). Bedtime routine has also remained exactly the same and there have been no other changes in his life. I wondered if this might be some kind of anxiety, and if so, how best to deal with it? Thanks

Hi Chocolateyclare,

Whilst it is true that separation anxiety has a second peak at around 2 years [the first one being around 8 months] I think that this has now become a habit. You are clearly very considerate and loving parents and he obviously likes his bed. There is no need for you to reinforce any separation fears he may have by laying in his bed with him to get him to sleep. He needs to see that you are confident and in control. For that reason, I think that you should put a safety gate in his room doorway - tell him its ‘to keep you safe!” Then after your bed time routine/stories/kiss goodnight, you should tell him that you are going to do some jobs but will be back soon to check that he’s cosy. Leave the room even if he cries and follows you to the gate. Go back every 2 minutes to take him back to bed or praise him if he’s in the bed. If he stays in bed there’s no need to go to him so often but that’s unlikely to happen at first. Give him time - even if it takes ages, sleep will eventually come and when it does you must be out of the room. If he wakes in the night, respond in just the same way - going in and out. In the morning give lots of praise ‘You went to sleep all by yourself!” Big cuddles of course and if you like, you can reinforce the praise with a small reward like a star sticker on his pjs. It will only take a night or two if you are resolved and consistent and he will soon be happy and secure in his own little bed. Good luck!

@Princta

I have twin girls who are nearly 7 months old. One is a pretty good sleeper who mainly wakes when her sister screams but other than that, mostly sleeps through. Her sister is another story. She has a possible cow's milk allergy and eczema which are now pretty under control with diet and medication. She goes down quite quickly with a lot of crying and us putting the dummy in at 7pm ish but then from about 10pm (sometimes before) starts crying out and thrashing around. She can sometimes be settled with a dummy or a few strokes early in the night but by 2am we can spend the next four or five hours stroking, patting, putting the dummy in etc before often giving in and cuddling her back to sleep as nothing else seems to work. She rarely sleeps for more than 1 1/2 hours before crying out. Often she doesn't even open her eyes but if we ignore her she gets really worked up and is then fully awake and she also wakes her twin sister. She still has a dream feed at 10.30 and is not desperate for her milk in the morning so I don't think it is hunger. Do we need to separate them for a while and let her cry it out more? Sorry for the long post!

Hi Princta,

No need to apologise for the long post - I think that a lot of people will sympathise with your situation - including myself!

My view on this is that she is clearly not a naturally good sleeper at the moment, but the dream feed may be causing her extra problems - In her mind, because she gets this at the first waking, how come she doesn’t have it at the others? That feed may also cause her some discomfort in the night if she has digestive issues and for that reason, I would advise you to drop it asap.

Whilst dropping the dream feed may may things worse for a night or two, it will not be for very long and quite honestly, I would keep the babies together whilst you implement the changes.

I hope that things soon get better for you all.

@ChorusLine69

Pontypandy I am in v similar situation to you. I have an 8 month old who barely naps in the day ( if she does, it will be in the car or baby carrier or on me after a feed. I have a 2.5,year old also, which can make routines tricky as need to get out and about with him. She goes down in bedside cot around 7pm but wakes a couple of times before settling til around 11pm when she cries until I bring her into bed. She sleeps pretty well in bed with me but I'd like to get out of the habit and get her into her own cot soon! She cannot seem to settle herself either and I have tried leaving her for a couple of mins but she just cries. She is still having one night feed ( I'm breastfeeding) but it's more for comfort I think as she's eating and drinking plenty in the day. I'm really tired and just want to see a light at the end of the sleep deprived tunnel!

Hi ChorusLine69,

I hope that you will find the sleep plan that I gave to Ponypandy useful. Even though your daughter is breast fed, the principles are the same. I would also advise that you either put the side on the co sleeping cot and move it to the foot of your bed or move her to her own room if that is the eventual plan. Changing the sleeping environment will often help a baby to accept and rationalise any behavioural changes that you introduce.

Please don’t feel guilty about having her cry as she learns to sleep. You will be with her and therefore she will not feel abandoned or distressed. She’ll just be a bit cross and it won’t last for long.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and you will be more the sort of parent that you really want to be after a decent night’s sleep.

Good luck with this!