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Original poster

Teenage son and contraception

21 replies

Leah2005 · 07/02/2017 15:29

My nearly 17 yo son has been with his girlfriend for 2.5 years. I believed she started taking the pill last year but now find she didn't continue after 3 months. My son says it's not a problem as they don't have sex. I have given him condoms but I am very uncomfortable that there is no other contraception in place. Additionally I am concerned if they are not having sex(!) because that doesn't sound very healthy to me. Do I open the conversation with his gf? Who is very introverted and struggles to talk. Help!!!!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 07/02/2017 15:32

You're concerned a 17 year old isn't having sex and want to talk to his gf about it? WTF? Confused

Original poster
Leah2005 · 07/02/2017 15:43

Perhaps that sounds stranger written down! Would you not find it odd that a 17 was not having sex with his gf of 2.5 years?

OP posts:
Original poster
Leah2005 · 07/02/2017 15:43

I meant talk to her about contraception not sex!!!

OP posts:
FellOutOfBed2wice · 07/02/2017 15:44

I would leave this well alone. If my bfs Mum when I was 17- the bf who I actually for a large part of our relationship wasn't having sex with- had started trying to talk to me about contraception I would have been seriously unreceptive!

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 07/02/2017 15:49

As long as.he knows about contraception (for him and her) then stay aware. Whether or not they have sex is nothing to do with you, and neither are their contraceptive choices.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 07/02/2017 15:49

Stay away not aware Blush

Original poster
Leah2005 · 07/02/2017 15:53

Whether they have sex or not is nothing to do with me but if they bring a baby home it kind of changes things. 😑

OP posts:
Original poster
Leah2005 · 07/02/2017 15:53

Thank you. It's just scary.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 07/02/2017 15:55

I think you have to make sure he absolutely understands about the morning after pill, for one thing. Apart from that and making sure he's stocked up with condoms, I think you should leave it alone.

NerrSnerr · 07/02/2017 15:58

Please don't talk to her about contraception. That would be one way of making sure I never visited my boyfriend's house again if his mum tried to have that conversation with me!

Just make sure your son knows about contraception and how to get it.

I'm curious you say you 'believed' she was taking the pill. How did you come to that conclusion.

TenaciousOne · 07/02/2017 16:01

I'd leave her alone. I dont really understand why you want to have a conversation with her. He can take responsibility for contraception from his side which is what you should be encouraging anyway.

FatCatFaces · 07/02/2017 16:08

Bloody hell OP, beak out! Imagine your fellas mum trying to give you a lecture on the method of contraception she'd prefer you to use! Shock

You would be overstepping massively if you say anything to her. Chew your son's ear off by all means, but there's no reason for you to utter a word to the girlfriend. If she doesn't want to or cannot take hormonal contraception then that's her business. Likewise if she doesn't want a coil or implant.

If they've decided they're happy to be celibate for the time being then that's also none of your business. You're the one being odd here, not them Confused

Beak out.

Original poster
Leah2005 · 07/02/2017 16:09

He does have condoms and knows how to be responsible - my worry is that they aren't the best form of contraception. I thought she was taking the pill as my son told me so last year and she also left them on our dining table - by accident or on purpose I don't know. She is very pro life and I would be surprised if she would take the morning after pill. It came up in conversation that she was not taking it now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Leah2005 · 07/02/2017 16:16

I guess the message here is that I'm the weirdo! Oh dear! My bf's mum took me to get the pill when I was 16 as my mum wasn't around. I guess that's what's coloured my odd views. Jeez......

OP posts:
BillyButtfuck · 07/02/2017 16:22

I think you're getting a bit of a hard time here OP.
My boyfriends mum (I think I was 16/17) used to hint about contraception from time to time and bought a box of condoms and placed them in the bathroom.
She said she had bought me a toothbrush and some bits and bobs for when I stayed over and in the little basket there was a toothbrush, shower gel and the condoms.
He was very Blush but I thought it was kind of nice and didn't make things awkward, thought we didn't have sex whilst she was in for a while, he thought she had heard us and that triggered the basket.

Original poster
Leah2005 · 07/02/2017 16:38

Thank you Billybuttfuck! I did wonder if what I had said was so odd! My own mother's solution was to tell me not to have sex! I'm trying to be a realist - if I was the mother of the girl I think it would be easier but then is parenting ever easy?!

OP posts:
BillyButtfuck · 07/02/2017 16:42

I have two boys but they are both under 1 so I have all this to look forward to Grin no one on here knows your son or his girlfriend, but you do - so only you can judge the situation.
If you do choose to have a chat I think it would be best to make it short, sweet and informal?

Itmustbemyage · 07/02/2017 17:00

Just make sure your son understands that he is also responsible for contraception if/when they are having sex. I wouldn't speak to the girl unless you know her very well, maybe you have a good relationship after they have dated for 2 1/2 years? There is not a lot else you can do.
I say this as a parent of a 17 year old son whose girlfriend is currently pregnant, due in two weeks and they are living with us as otherwise they would be homeless. I thought that my son was taking precautions, I had very frank and open conversations with him as did his dad. I had only met his girlfriend once before they announced she was pregnant so didn't have any opportunity to get to know her well beforehand.
Now of course I know her better, after she has been living with us a few months, so we have had a chat about what contraception she plans to use after the birth, she brought the subject up herself.

Original poster
Leah2005 · 07/02/2017 17:50

Now perhaps people will understand what my concern is! That's hard for you - it really isn't the end of the world but perhaps not the path you would have chosen for them. It's frustrating that they get to make their own decisions but then rely on you to pick up the pieces. Good luck to you and your family - hope all goes well. X

OP posts:
Itmustbemyage · 07/02/2017 18:21

Leah2005
Thank you for your kind wishes , as you say it's not the end of the world but not ideal either. Obviously my grandchild will be very much loved but it's hard being a parent at any age and I would have liked them to have enjoyed their teenage years free from such a big responsibility.

SloanyAnne · 07/02/2017 18:25

Make sure he knows that he needs to use condoms whatever other contraception his gf might be using.

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