Webchat with Ruby Wax, Wednesday 6 January, 9-10pm

[RachelMumsnet]

Ruby Wax will be joining us on Wednesday 6 January between 9 and 10pm for a webchat.

She last joined us back in 2011 when she chatted about her experience with mental illness and her show theatre show 'Losing It'. Since then she's written two books; In Sane New World she popularised the idea of mindfulness as a means to finding calm. Her latest book Frazzled (published this week) Ruby takes us on the next step by providing a comprehensive guide to the technique of mindfulness. With specific advice for relationships, for parents, for children and teenagers, and a six week course based on her studies of Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy with Mark Williams at Oxford University.

Ruby will be online to answer your questions and hopefully offer up some tips to help us become less frazzled in 2016. Join us on Wednesday at 9pm or post up your Qs for Ruby here in advance.

Hi Ruby.

Thank you for all the laughs over the years and for being so honest about all this stuff. It really helps to normalise it.

Can mindfulness become routine? I've tried it for anxiety but I feel I have to find the time/space/inclination which with being 'frazzled' (see what I did there ) I don't always manage. With practice can it just become the way I deal with my thoughts to stop them spiralling in the first place?

@Flamingo1980

Hi Ruby, I watched your Dutch college talk on YouTube and I was as mesmerised as you were by the guy who read his question as a poem. The one about death? He was clearly the most beautiful and fragile soul and I'd love to know if you did indeed meet him after the show and if you're friends. Basically, what happened to him I can't stop thinking about him!

Here's the poem:

How do you want to be remembered?
When finally your soul is tempered
When rest and peace fall onto thee
Then what will be or not to be
When there's nothing left to see
And we cry rivers into seas
Coz the mists of Autumn trees and humming summer bees
Your spirit lifts so magically
Salt of earth be born in thee
But if death takes you ruthlessly
And your soul is finally tempered
How do you want to be remembered?

Anyway, I think you're brilliant. Thank you for being so genuine and fearless. I'm coming to see you in Worthing in April I can't wait!
Emma xx

I met him and he was acting it up. I told him he was a brilliant actor and we became friends. I want to be remembered as a super model with a great ass

Hi Ruby, thanks for Sane New World. How should I proceed if I don't know whether my cushions are gluten free? Not really, I am in psychoanalytic psychotherapy. Am I confusing my brain if I try to do mindfulness as well, or do they sit well together?

@RealHuman

Hi,

I've read what you've written about walk-in centres for mental health and wondered what you thought of the Safe Haven cafés which are being partially funded by an NHS trust covering Surrey and parts of Hampshire? There have been a couple of news articles about them and the one in Aldershot has been very successful according to the figures. (Links in next post.)

I haven't heard about them but will check them out. I want to make centres throughout the UK which can be found as easily as any AA meeting. Half the cure is being with other people in the same boat. There's too much isolation and no one is addressing the exhausted elephant in the room so I'm trying to throw a wide net of these places to meet your tribe.

Thank you, I will keep that in mind. What are your tips for mindful eating /watching TV/ browsing the Internet? I seem to only do the above mindlessly.

@Baconyum

Hi Ruby

I have been a fan of yours since the 80's. I love how open and honest you have been wrt mental health conditions. I have ocd depression and other DX but wasn't diagnosed. Until my 30's however in hindsight I think I have probably been anxious and depressed since my teens. My daughter is unfortunately showing similar signs and I am trying to persuade her to see the Dr but she is afraid of the stigma, people knowing especially at school. Have you any advice? Do you think contrary to popular opinion (in the media at least) that mh is over diagnosed its actually under diagnosed/diagnosed late?

Looking forward to the webchat.

@Baconyum

Hi Ruby

I have been a fan of yours since the 80's. I love how open and honest you have been wrt mental health conditions. I have ocd depression and other DX but wasn't diagnosed. Until my 30's however in hindsight I think I have probably been anxious and depressed since my teens. My daughter is unfortunately showing similar signs and I am trying to persuade her to see the Dr but she is afraid of the stigma, people knowing especially at school. Have you any advice? Do you think contrary to popular opinion (in the media at least) that mh is over diagnosed its actually under diagnosed/diagnosed late?

Looking forward to the webchat.

Mental illness is a disease just like any physical disease. If she has depression she needs help that should override any fear of stigma because nothing is worth that kind of suffering. 1 out of 4 people have a mental illness so at school she won't be the only one.

@purplepandas

Hello Ruby. My question is, what makes you happy? I know the question is not focused specifically on mindfulness but it is only the small things for me. It's always lovely to hear what small things make people happy, it gives me new ideas of things to look out for and take the time to appreciate. Thanks :)

If I can be present and notice what's in front of my eyes rather than my mind going off on some wild goose chase then I'm happy. I also love my cat who doesn't like me at all. It's a tragedy

I think that's an excellent idea. Social isolation is definitely the killer - the madness cooties. Are you familiar with Vikram Patel's model, Ruby? It's a Global Mental Health model where lay people within the community are trained in just being decent supportive sort of people - the outcomes are as good with very highly trained professionals, like a cascade model.

@yougotthelove

Ruby- i love you and wish there were more like you helping mental health

I swear I didn't pay her to say that

@loo123

Hi Ruby, do you have any advice on how to use mindfulness to help with parenting? I find I am very anxious about my son & keeping him safe - I want to protect him & worry about something happening to him which can feel overwhelming. Thanks

Try not to project your fears onto your son. Everyone worries but try to be aware when he picks up your anxiety because it's catching. Do some mindfulness (see my book) which helps stop the out of control thinking.

National Children's Day UK is focusing on adult well being this year and the role it plays in helping to raise happy children; looking at teachers as one of the main adults in many children's lives.

Do you have any experiences you could share of how #mindfulness can help teachers or be used in school as a whole school approach to benefit everyone? Or a view on how effective it would be as a tool?

Many thanks.

@Twgtwf

Ruby, I read that you want to see walk-in centres for people suffering from stress and anxiety.

It's a fantastic idea - who is going to fund it?

I'm having free walk in centres when I'm doing my show Sane New World at the Arts theatre. They take place Jan 27, Feb 3 and feb 10th from 2-4pm. I'll have a band of therapists for people who want to make contact with someone who can help. After the show finishes I'm going to do pilots backed by mental health charities. More details soon. It will work like AA you pay what you can

Thank you for replying Ruby, I will take on your advice. Looking forward to reading your book I loved your previous one

@NEmumto2

National Children's Day UK is focusing on adult well being this year and the role it plays in helping to raise happy children; looking at teachers as one of the main adults in many children's lives.

Do you have any experiences you could share of how #mindfulness can help teachers or be used in school as a whole school approach to benefit everyone? Or a view on how effective it would be as a tool?

Many thanks.

There are Mindfulness in Schools programs throughout the UK. In my book I give examples of what they teach. If the child learns early he can learn to regulate his own emotions and not have them run wild.

@Vastra

Hi Ruby, thanks for Sane New World. How should I proceed if I don't know whether my cushions are gluten free? Not really, I am in psychoanalytic psychotherapy. Am I confusing my brain if I try to do mindfulness as well, or do they sit well together?

They sit well together it's like doing pilates and yoga they both make you healthier and both can be practiced. So you'll have a stronger pelvic floor and be able to kiss your own behind from both directions

@Quiero

Hi Ruby.

Thank you for all the laughs over the years and for being so honest about all this stuff. It really helps to normalise it.

Can mindfulness become routine? I've tried it for anxiety but I feel I have to find the time/space/inclination which with being 'frazzled' (see what I did there ) I don't always manage. With practice can it just become the way I deal with my thoughts to stop them spiralling in the first place?

The idea behind mindfulness is that it becomes routine and the way you regulate and watch your thoughts, so you have a choice of how to react. You don't need a strict routine to do it, just a few minutes a day here and there - in a queue, waiting for the bus, smoking a cigarette (joking).

That's quite an image I look forward to it. Thank you for this web chat and answering my question.

Thank you. I'm looking forward to reading!

Thank you for your reply ruby, look forward to reading your book

@CountryBumpkin86

Hi Ruby Please can you explain to me in simple terms what mindfulness actually is? I hear it banded about a lot but don't understand it or its principles? Also what are the dates for and where are your public clinics in London? Thanks you :)

It's learning to pay attention to your thoughts and feelings, learning to live in the present and not kicking your own ass if you don't like what you think.

The clinics are on 27th Jan, 3rd Feb and 10th Feb, at the Arts Theatre in London from 2-4pm.

That brings us to the end of the hour. Thanks so much to everyone who joined us tonight and massive thanks to Ruby for giving up time to share her wit and wisdom. Congratulations on such a great book and we hope you're able to join us again some time in the future. Goodnight.

Thanks so much for the great questions and my magnificent answers. It's been fun, let's do this again, but maybe not tonight.

Don't forget, book is out tomorrow - buy it or borrow it. Lots more advice for parents, kids, teens, at work and in relationships - hope you enjoy it.

Thanks for replying to my post about the Safe Haven cafés!

The walk-ins you describe wanting to set up sound quite similar - the Safe Haven in Aldershot is a collaboration between the local NHS organisations and two charities (a mental health and autism charity and a drugs charity), runs every evening and weekend, is open to everyone, and there are always two charity workers and one NHS psychiatric nurse available to chat to. People go to help with social isolation, to prevent crisis, or when they're having a mental health crisis, and it's such a welcoming environment and a place where everyone "gets it".

I think it's a great model and the visibility you can give to mental health and your expertise in the area could be really helpful for people who just need somewhere to go.

Thanks for your answers!
I am off tomortow to buy your new book in my nearest bookshop.

Just bought this book Sane New World on Google Play £5.99.