Webchat with Ruby Wax, Wednesday 6 January, 9-10pm

[RachelMumsnet]

Ruby Wax will be joining us on Wednesday 6 January between 9 and 10pm for a webchat.

She last joined us back in 2011 when she chatted about her experience with mental illness and her show theatre show 'Losing It'. Since then she's written two books; In Sane New World she popularised the idea of mindfulness as a means to finding calm. Her latest book Frazzled (published this week) Ruby takes us on the next step by providing a comprehensive guide to the technique of mindfulness. With specific advice for relationships, for parents, for children and teenagers, and a six week course based on her studies of Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy with Mark Williams at Oxford University.

Ruby will be online to answer your questions and hopefully offer up some tips to help us become less frazzled in 2016. Join us on Wednesday at 9pm or post up your Qs for Ruby here in advance.

Hi Ruby!! Do you have any advice for couples practising mindfulness? It's something we both want to do but seems to end up with us in separate rooms which sometimes seems contrived because with all the difficult things going on we need to spend time together! That makes me sound clingy, not the case!

Hi Ruby,

Thank you for everything you do to address mental health with such generosity of spirit. I have been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and am trying very hard to get properly well. I love mindfulness meditation but need a boot up my arse to remind me to keep doing it!

My question, and I hope it's not a cheeky one, is how did you find stopping smoking affected your mental health? I've quit and was doing great for 7 months, feeling better than ever, but have recently felt rotten, like I want to smoke again (I really, really don't). Any words of wisdom?

Thanks

Hi Ruby,
Loved your singing on the celebrity show - can't remember what it was called, but I remember your singing. I particularly liked your rendition of "Leader of the Pack". Have you ever thought of releasing a song?

Hi Ruby. I checked Sane New World out of the library in September and have racked up some incredible library fines in my complete reluctance to return it. It did help, but I found I kind of had to ride the wave of anxiety I was on to let it pass. Weeks and weeks it took, but just having the book there as a comfort, so thank you, truly.
My question is a depressing one. Just how bad do you think things have to get in this country before something, anything is done to address the woeful inadequacy of our mental health services? I've been incredibly lucky in the last 5 or 6 years that I was able to access a course of CBT, which definitely helped, and continues to do so, but I had to wait a year to see someone, during which time my anxiety got worse and also developed an eating disorder. My worry is now for my 7 year old son. Child mental health referrals in our area have been put on hold for a year and counting. My son had ADHD and ASD and has non existent self esteem. A lot of my worries are worries for and about him, but the ironic thing is that, in my area now, the waiting time for psychotherapy for adults is just a few weeks, so I can go and talk to someone about my anxiety about my son, but my son himself is on a waiting list to go on a waiting list and getting steadily more in need of help as we are quietly ignored. Why are we so reluctant to treat ill mental health with the same urgency as other problems? I had a spectacularly stupid fall from my bike a few months ago and received more guidance and checkups as a result of that than my son has in a whole year for his very real and present difficulties. It's madness, and its time we all got angry about it.

Hi Ruby, I am studying an MS in Mindfulness, following my own experiences with depression, anxiety/OCD.

I just love that you did a comedy show instead of the 8 week protocol for your MS.

What are your thoughts on criticisms that Mindfulness is overly targeted at middle class yummy mummies excluding people from other classes and walks of life who most need it, especially those who are very poor or who are otherwise socially marginalised?

Though I am training to deliver MBCT I sometimes wonder if shorter and more immediate forms of Mindfulness might be more accessible for many e.g. the types of short mindfulness practices seen in sister interventions like ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) and DBT (Dialectal Behaviour Therapy)?

Hi Ruby! How fantastic to have you on a MN webchat, you are an inspiration and a fantastic role model. I am reading my way through Sane new world. I can really relate to the stripy cushion episode!

Do you have any advice at all about changing our own habits so that unhealthy mental health is not passed down to our children? I am 3rd generation depressed/bitter/angry mother (a harsh thing to say, but unfortunately true...although in my mothers and grandmothers cases there was probably due cause). I try not to be too analytical, but I have taken note of the really unhelpful things that they did/do. Some of the things are easy to not do...others are not so easy. I am convinced that the cycle can be broken...am I correct?

I think fusionconfusion makes a great point about the accessibility of mindfulness and it's 'fashionable' (for want of a better word) reputation. It's very 'in' at the moment and although I personally recognise it's benefits, I can understand how the idea of it might be alien to some people because of the slightly hippyish connotations or it maybe being used/recommended inappropriately. Do you think mindfulness may have a bit of an image problem Ruby?

Hi I'm here to answer your questions - no pressure on me. My book "A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled" comes out tomorrow so if I can't answer the questions tonight, my book will.

I think the question by Dancingwiththediamonddogs is a really good one. My mother is the epitome of cats-bum-mouth and I don't have a single memory or photo of her or her own mother laughing or joshing around.

I know I'm different, but how do I make sure I stay that way with my lips unpursed? It's fucking exhausting having a female family culture of choreographed unhappiness. And frankly, scary.

Hi everyone, we're delighted to welcome Ruby to Mumsnet this evening and really looking forward to hearing about her brilliant book Frazzled. (I've been dipping in the last few nights and found it such a great and thoroughly entertaining read, particularly in the aftermath of the Christmas mayhem).

A quick reminder that we have 10 copies up for review.

Over to you Ruby...

@ApologiesToInsectLife

I think fusionconfusion makes a great point about the accessibility of mindfulness and it's 'fashionable' (for want of a better word) reputation. It's very 'in' at the moment and although I personally recognise it's benefits, I can understand how the idea of it might be alien to some people because of the slightly hippyish connotations or it maybe being used/recommended inappropriately. Do you think mindfulness may have a bit of an image problem Ruby?

Ok let's call it a Mind Gym for learning to stay calm when all around you there's chaos. That's the benefit. The only reason I decided to study it was because of the scientific evidence otherwise I agree it sounds hippyish and I don't do things that are fluffy. You can see the positive results of 'mindfulness' in brain scans and I can't argue with that.

Hi Ruby,

What is the funniest film of all time?

@Dancingwiththediamonddogs

Hi Ruby! How fantastic to have you on a MN webchat, you are an inspiration and a fantastic role model. I am reading my way through Sane new world. I can really relate to the stripy cushion episode!

Do you have any advice at all about changing our own habits so that unhealthy mental health is not passed down to our children? I am 3rd generation depressed/bitter/angry mother (a harsh thing to say, but unfortunately true...although in my mothers and grandmothers cases there was probably due cause). I try not to be too analytical, but I have taken note of the really unhelpful things that they did/do. Some of the things are easy to not do...others are not so easy. I am convinced that the cycle can be broken...am I correct?

It's not necessarily passed to your kids so don't blame yourself or your parents. The court is out whether it's nature or nurture. If you had ten kids they won't all get what you've got. If you have that kind of fear surrounding you,your child will pick up on it -not a good start.

@fusionconfusion

Hi Ruby, I am studying an MS in Mindfulness, following my own experiences with depression, anxiety/OCD.

I just love that you did a comedy show instead of the 8 week protocol for your MS.

What are your thoughts on criticisms that Mindfulness is overly targeted at middle class yummy mummies excluding people from other classes and walks of life who most need it, especially those who are very poor or who are otherwise socially marginalised?

Though I am training to deliver MBCT I sometimes wonder if shorter and more immediate forms of Mindfulness might be more accessible for many e.g. the types of short mindfulness practices seen in sister interventions like ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) and DBT (Dialectal Behaviour Therapy)?

They're teaching mindfulness in prisons and if someone wants mindfulness it's offered through the NHS across the country and they don't care what class you're from.

If you read my book I give you a shorter and more practical way of learning mindfulness which you can incorporate into normal life not sit on a gluten free cushion and you can practice just a few minutes a day.

Hi Ruby and welcome! Waves from my bed in my pyjamas clutching a large gin horlicks

@Jenda

Hi Ruby!! Do you have any advice for couples practising mindfulness? It's something we both want to do but seems to end up with us in separate rooms which sometimes seems contrived because with all the difficult things going on we need to spend time together! That makes me sound clingy, not the case!

You can be mindful anywhere with anyone. It just means you're aware of your thoughts and feelings so if you're anxious or stressed you don't pass it to the next person so it's perfect for couples.

It's also about learning to pay attention and so you can give someone your full attention rather than your mind flitting like a butterfly in heat

Hi Ruby
Please can you explain to me in simple terms what mindfulness actually is? I hear it banded about a lot but don't understand it or its principles? Also what are the dates for and where are your public clinics in London?
Thanks you :)

How do I stop constant thoughts? My mind is always racing onto the next thing. Not in a judgmental way but they are constant and I never stop thinking.

@antimatter

How best to introduce teenagers to mindfulness? They both (age 19 and 17) said that their is the generation of big worriers. They worry much more than I ever did as a teenager. How to help them?

I give advise for teenagers and parents of teens in my book. They do need it more than we did because the pressures higher for them to succeed. Again if you try to feels like to be in their shoes rather than give them a hard time they'll feel heard. If they understand that a little mindfulness can help them when they're freaking out about exams, dealing with bullies or being rejected by the opposite sex they just might run with it. Try not to add your own anxiety on top of theirs they have enough to deal with. If you're calm it spreads like a virus.

@ArriettyMatilda

How do I stop constant thoughts? My mind is always racing onto the next thing. Not in a judgmental way but they are constant and I never stop thinking.

We're not supposed to stop thinking when you do, you're dead. It's about watching your thoughts; the good, the bad the ugly and when you face them you realise thoughts aren't facts they come and go on their own volition so they lose their sting. Mindfulness doesn't stop the thoughts but changes your relationship to them. You can deal better with the rumination. stress is stress but suffering is optional.

@supermariossister

Newly to all of this after progressively struggling more with anxiety I was taken to hospital at the weekend with a panic attack, along with the breathing exercises I have been told to identify my triggers to then be able to deal with them better, how do you identify a trigger when there seems no rhyme or reason to when the attacks occur? Interested to purchase a copy this is all very new and frightening to me right now..

If you try to pay attention to your inner thoughts you just might notice a theme coming up before the panic. It's a familiar tune that plays in your head moments before you start to panic so that's the trigger, Try not to repress it just be aware of it and it loses it's power. If you face the monster it runs away: if you run from it, he will chase you.

Hi Ruby, I wanted to thank you for your books and the tours. I went to see you in Buxton last year. I found it very thought provoking and you were inspirational. I did come away though feeling very drained by the large amount of people who were there to find help. They used the Q+A session at the end to ask very personal questions about their own desperate situations. They all felt let down by the NHS and were reaching out for a lifeline. It was clear how many of us there were struggling with mental health issues and were not being supported by services or society.
How do you protect yourself from being dragged down by the pain and anguish you must come across on tour, etc?

[quote Essaye]Humour, is it a way of masking depression? Likewise can my boys ASD (ADHD +) mask their possibly comorbid mental health issues? We only recently suspected one may be having struggling with Anxiety. Could mindfulness prevent their potential mental health issues starting?

rainbowsaretoobeautiful.blogspot.com/2015/11/disasterous-at-decision-making.html[/quote]

You can't mask depression it's a disease which can't be covered up it's like putting a bandaid on a tumour.

There is no magic pill but mindfulness can make you aware of your state and only with that awareness can you take action and do something about it.

@Merguez

Hi Ruby

I greatly enjoyed Sane New World which I read with my book club a year or so ago. It prompted me to buy a more detailed guide to practicing mindfulness - which has unfortunately sat beside my bed ever since then. I never seem to get beyond halfway through, and can't actually find the time to do the exercises.

What does your new book do that is different? And as an insomniac menopausal woman how can it help me? Or would HRT be better instead!?

Thank you.

A. I have a sense of humour and it works well with menopausal women. The point of the book is making it accessible and to easy to use it in everyday situations so you don't have to go to some hillock and tie your legs in a knot over your head to practice. You can do it waiting for a bus or on the tube in those minutes you're not doing anything else so it won't take up your precious time. It's agony when you go to the gym but no pain no gain- same with mind exercises. The brain is a muscle and if you don't use it you lose it.

@flatbellyfella

Good morning Ruby, Do you find fellow celebrities are sympathetic to you & your past problems ? Have you felt apart from their ways of life? Do you prefer mixing with every day folk ? Thank you for giving your time to MN & helping others.

everyday folk are my favourites, they're dependable and don't spend time looking at themselves in a mirror.