Tim Dowling webchat: Thursday 5 June, 1-2pm

[RachelMumsnet]

Guardian columnist and author Tim Dowling is joining us for a webchat next Thursday (5 June) between 1 and 2pm. It's his second visit to MNHQ; he last joined us back in 2008 for a Mumsnet bookclub webchat about his novel The Giles Wareing Haters' Club. This time he's going to be chatting about his latest book, How to be a Husband.

How To Be A Husband is a very funny - and genuinely touching - anatomy of Tim's 20 year relationship with his wife. Regular readers of Tim's column, in which she figures as an exasperated witness to his attempts to master family life, will be pleased to hear that she has agreed to answer a couple of questions too. So if you have something to ask her, do post it here - Tim will be reading out her answers (which he won't previously have seen) in a video we'll post after the webchat.

Come and chat to Tim next Thursday (5 June) at 1pm or post a question for him in advance on this thread.

I had a pang of recognition when I read the bit about spicy ricey, then I read it out to my husband and we had a good laugh about it. 'Lucky dip rice' is a family staple here. I don't reckon there's any point in asking for a recipe. If it's anything like our lucky dip rice, it depends on what's in the fridge and nearly out of date/needs eating up.

Hi Tim

I listened to some of your audio book today. You sound more American than I had imagined. My husband's book group is "doing" your book for their next meeting. Previous books have included Regeneration and The Fermata. Do you have any suggestions for lines of discussion? Also, my husband says you are welcome to join them as they dissect your book, they meet in a pub in Essex.

Tim - Happy Birthday!

It is today, right? I happened to be reading an old column of yours about your birthday the other day... www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/jun/05/birthday-family-tim-dowling

Anyway, the big question: did your wife remember, and if so, what did she get you?!

Garrison Keillor wrote, "There's a lot to be said for lack of communication and so many problems we can't talk about simply go away after a while."

Can this be true in a marriage, do you think?

And, is Pasta Kak on the menu rotation?

Hello Tim
Tom and Kirsty - discuss.

Hi Tim,

Did you see Bear Grylls 'The Island'?
If so what did you think of it as an experiment in modern masculinity?
Did you know that Ray Mears apparently harbours disrespect for Bear Grylls? Who do you think would win in hand to hand combat? I think Ray would have him, just with the power of his own moral authority. I think he would look at Bear and make cry like a babby.
I loved you piece on the bastard decorators.

Also,
Did you know that when you wear a suit and have a beard you look dopplegangered with the Tailor in the great British sewing bee?
That's no bad thing.

I so wanted to be in the office for this but I am hungover indisposed

Your piece about attending the school leavers' assembly for one of your boys made me properly cry when I read it the first time. Are you dreading an empty nest when all your chimps have left home?

Hi. I'm here at Mumsnet Towers. I am being well-treated and am in good health, and ready to answer any questions, in accordance with my captors' demands.

@Hassled

I have 3 questions so please just pick the one you want to answer.

Firstly - I worry about your apparently free-range tortoise. How does it work? Do you now fall over it all the time? What about the poo? Have you ever dropped anything on it?

Secondly - that girl you dumped in a NY bar while your wife-to-be waited in another bar - is she OK? Do you still speak? Did she come to your wedding? It was clearly the right thing to do but I did feel for her.

Thirdly - have you got over the MN "Tim Dowling, for example, is a twat" thing yet? Do you still google yourself?

And at the risk of fawning, your column is the newspaper highlight of my week. Please don't stop.

The tortoise is in the garden wandering about. Sometime in September he'll wander indoors and sit in a corner for a few months, although on sunny days he moves about and eats a bit of lettuce. Mostly we use him as a decorative doorstop. Then in early spring he wakes up, does a massive poo on the kitchen floor and heads back outside. My wife has had him since she was 8, so we let him do what he likes.

Hello Tim!

@CommunistLegoBloc

Given that you got two weeks' worth of columns out of the demise of your snake, do you not think the resultant wages could have been used to give him a humane death rather than deciding to decapitate him in your garden ( which, by the way, is not a cruelty-free dispatch method)?

I used to be a big fan until I read that you'd rather let an animal suffer and ultimately die a protracted death rather than pay £200 and alleviate its pain. And I bloody hate snakes.

He died before I had to make the decision, fortunately, but the vet never gave us an indication that he was in any pain. He actually went downhill pretty fast for a snake - two months from his last meal to dead. Mrs Hammerstein hung on grimly for 5 months. Anyway, it's over - I'm all out of snakes.

@StampyIsMyBoyfriend

^^

Ours has never done that. He keeps himself to himself, mostly.

@BOFster

Btw Tim, my DP did that 3D action figure thing too. He wore jeans and a khaki jacket, but ended up with a disturbing double-denim effect. Fortunately he is an artist, and just repainted it. I think he has overdone the virtual Grecian 2000, but I digress. How happy were you with yours?

I only saw mine in real life for the first time last night. The photographer had it all this time. It is very weird up close, like a little voodoo doll. If I had it to do all over again, I would have worn a different shirt.

@NormaStanleyFletcher

Tim Hi,

Do you remember googling yourself in 2009 and findinga thread on mumsnet with your name in the title ?

Do you still Google your name?

I remember it well - "Tim Dowling, for example, is a twat". I never google myself anymore. It doesn't really work; too many other Tim Dowlings, too much internet to wade through. But these days I get my hate delivered directly.

@maras2

Please may I buy a T towel to surprise my sister.Can't seem to access them on line.PS. sorry < not > that you didn't get chance to decapitate Mr. Rogers.

I'm certain you can buy them off the Police Dog Hogan website. The only ones I have are used.

@Cereal0ffender

Do your friends avoid you in case they end up as column fodder? Do you have friends?

I do have friends. I like to think I know which ones would appreciate an occasional column appearance and which ones wouldn't, but I've got it wrong four or five times. Neighbours, on the other hand, I never mention.

@JuniDD

Why do you hate the little dog and how old is the old dog? I worry about the old dog.

Never change., I love your column.

The old dog is about 16. She's very jolly, but stone deaf and slightly wobbly in the back legs. No major health complaints yet, though.

I don't HATE hate the little dog, but you must know what's it's like when something that's small and smells really wants to be your friend.

I will never change.

I KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT MR ROGERS.

@ShineSmile

I like your column too.

Do you ever make stuff up?

Do you have another job as well as writing a weekly column?

---

For his wife:

Do you wish he didn't work from home?

I never really have to make stuff up, but I do leave a lot of stuff out. When I can I like to leave an event for a week so I recall it in a slightly more narrative way. Your memory turns things into stories after a while, even when it's really just some stuff that happened.

Besides the column, I write a lot of other stuff for the paper, and I also have a small column in the Radio Times. And I'm in a band, which is a good way to use up all my spare money.

@MsFire

I KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT MR ROGERS.

Me too

@DustBunnyFarmer

Dear Tim. I have 2 primary school aged boys. Your column has caused me to anticipate their teenage years with more than a little disquiet. Do you exaggerate your sons' behaviours for effect in your column? Either way, how about outlining some of their positive qualities and your upbeat teen parenting experiences to give me hope for the future.

I don't exaggerate at all; if anything they're worse. But they're also very funny, and kind, and charming to strangers. That's no help to me, though.

@JustineMumsnet

[quote MsFire] I KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT MR ROGERS.

Me too [/quote]

Mr Rogers went to live on a farm. I just had a postcard from him.

@slartybartfast

i love your column. how are your boys? their stories really ring true here!

Thank you! They're very well, but right in the middle of exams; ie, doing absolutely nothing.

Sometimes I think you're on the verge of mounting an armed coup to seize control of your local park. Is this a thing that might actually happen?