Tim Dowling webchat: Thursday 5 June, 1-2pm

[RachelMumsnet]

Guardian columnist and author Tim Dowling is joining us for a webchat next Thursday (5 June) between 1 and 2pm. It's his second visit to MNHQ; he last joined us back in 2008 for a Mumsnet bookclub webchat about his novel The Giles Wareing Haters' Club. This time he's going to be chatting about his latest book, How to be a Husband.

How To Be A Husband is a very funny - and genuinely touching - anatomy of Tim's 20 year relationship with his wife. Regular readers of Tim's column, in which she figures as an exasperated witness to his attempts to master family life, will be pleased to hear that she has agreed to answer a couple of questions too. So if you have something to ask her, do post it here - Tim will be reading out her answers (which he won't previously have seen) in a video we'll post after the webchat.

Come and chat to Tim next Thursday (5 June) at 1pm or post a question for him in advance on this thread.

[speakerexplosion]

I... I don't think you're telling the truth about Mr Rogers

[TimDowling]

@BettyBotter

Dh and I both love your column. Trouble is, dh looks to you as a role model Like you, we have teenaged chimps who do the stuff that teenage chimps do. Ours are excrutiatingly embarrassed by our very existence and would not tolerate us admitting any relationship with them in a national newspaper, though I agree that you are very good at striking a good balance between family comedy and respecting privacy. Does your family have the right to veto any embarrassing subjects you would love to write about in your columns? Do you run things by them first or do they find out on a Saturday morning what you've said about them?

And for Mrs D - you are a mumsnetter arent you? Do you mind not having your own voice when you're quoted so liberally and one-sidedly?

I almost never run the column by anyone first - my wife usually reads it on Saturday. It's meant to be a surprise. Occasionally, if it's to do with school or something, I might let her check it. The youngest one vetoed a story once, which I promised to respect. And then I gave him £15 and he let me write about it. He bargained me up from £10.

[JustOneCube]

Tim - how differently do you reckon your life would have turned out if you hadn't met your wife?

[pinkballoon19]

hi tim! who are your favourite columnists? apart from yourself OBVIOUSLY...

[TimDowling]

@Poofus

Tim Dowling, you were nearly responsible for the ending of my marriage. I read the story of how you saved your wife's life after her dive off the side of a boat went wrong over lunch with my husband. I was very impressed, particularly because you hadn't seemed in your previous columns much like of a heroic man of action, so I asked my husband if he'd do the same for me. Sadly he said he'd have to think about it (??), and it might depend on a few things (!). Lunch was abandoned rather violently and we didn't speak for the best part of a week. The words "even Tim Dowling would do this" still get bandied about in our house quite a lot when one of us is feeling ill-treated, sometimes with "for fuck's sake" on the end for good measure.

"Even Tim Dowling, for example, would do this." I'm sorry to have raised the bar for husbandly chivalry, but I had to save my wife - she knows all the PIN numbers.

[TimDowling]

@ladyblablah

Oh my, the "Tim Dowling, for example, is a twat" threads were some of my favourites.

And Tim's response was rather epic:

"I have decided I no longer need to begin my day by finding out that in the intervening 24 hours someone somewhere felt the need to type the words, "Tim Dowling, for example, is a twat." I'm not upset that people think I'm a twat. I'm aware that this is a commonly held opinion, if not a distinct school of thought. It's the casual insertion of "for example" that really hurts. I'm not just a twat to that person. I'm the twat you name when you need an example."

So the question is, do you have "Tim Dowling, for example, is a twat" in an embroidery or some other suitable Mumsnet tribute?

My wife was just asking me what I wanted for my birthday...

[TimDowling]

@Merguez

My husband and I learned our favourite argument-winning line from your column many years ago.

It's all about you, isn't it?

Yes, it's always a winner, because it's almost impossible to respond without making your answer All About You

[TimDowling]

@spudpudding

Can I please have the recipes for spicey ricey and Mexican thing, they sound interesting!!

The Mexican thing is basically an enchilada-style dish made with tinned refried beans - it doesn't deserve to be written down. The recipe for Spicey Ricey, however, is in the book, in a footnote on page 81. I think I even read it out for the audiobook.

[woeface]

Argh am I too late?
Tim, we love you (and your wife obv)
How are you hoping your relationship with your boys will develop as they become adults?
AND
what has been the biggest source of marital conflict in your house?

[Swannery]

Do you feel more or less English by now, or does being American still give you some distance on England and the English, and make you a better observer of your life here?

[TimDowling]

@LauraChant

Hi Tim

I listened to some of your audio book today. You sound more American than I had imagined. My husband's book group is "doing" your book for their next meeting. Previous books have included Regeneration and The Fermata. Do you have any suggestions for lines of discussion? Also, my husband says you are welcome to join them as they dissect your book, they meet in a pub in Essex.

I think I've actually read both those books, but I've never been to a book club. I'm afraid I would just sit there worrying about what I was missing on TV.

[badooby]

Have MNHQ given you the bumps yet for your birthday and if so can we see the video please?

[TimDowling]

@AthalieX

Tim - Happy Birthday!

It is today, right? I happened to be reading an old column of yours about your birthday the other day... www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/jun/05/birthday-family-tim-dowling

Anyway, the big question: did your wife remember, and if so, what did she get you?!

It IS my birthday. I'm 51 today, and feeling about 100, cos I went to the gym this morning. That was a huge mistake. My wife did remember. I don't what she's got me yet, but I don't want another salad spinner. Even if they come in different colours.

[mrsjavierbardem]

Might you answer either of my questions?

[TimDowling]

@ThePonderer

Garrison Keillor wrote, "There's a lot to be said for lack of communication and so many problems we can't talk about simply go away after a while."

Can this be true in a marriage, do you think?

And, is Pasta Kak on the menu rotation?

I think there's some truth in that - if you communicated about everything, you'd never be able to get through a box set together.

You're not really selling me on the idea of Pasta Kak, tbh.

[JustineMumsnet]

Tim, gather you did a similar webchat on the Guardian site yesterday - how did that experience compare? We're better aren't we?

[TimDowling]

@mrsjavierbardem

Hi Tim,

Did you see Bear Grylls 'The Island'?
If so what did you think of it as an experiment in modern masculinity?
Did you know that Ray Mears apparently harbours disrespect for Bear Grylls? Who do you think would win in hand to hand combat? I think Ray would have him, just with the power of his own moral authority. I think he would look at Bear and make cry like a babby.
I loved you piece on the bastard decorators.

I only saw the final one, and then a bit of the making of afterward. I thought they were all pretty impressive, but it definitely showed a sore lack of "soft skills" in a men-only group. Mind you, if you can butcher a crocodile, to hell with soft skills - I want you on my team.

[TimDowling]

@RowanMumsnet

I so wanted to be in the office for this but I am hungover indisposed

Your piece about attending the school leavers' assembly for one of your boys made me properly cry when I read it the first time. Are you dreading an empty nest when all your chimps have left home?

I am, actually. But even with one gone, it's amazingly much quieter. And he was the one who slept all day. Weird.

[TheOneWithTheNicestSmile]

ooh, I was going to ask about the Guardian webchat but when I looked there were only about 3 comments & I don't think any of them were questions

Then I forgot about it

[TimDowling]

@speakerexplosion

Sometimes I think you're on the verge of mounting an armed coup to seize control of your local park. Is this a thing that might actually happen?

I've got nothing bad to say about that park, which is very well run, and much cherished by its "Friends Of..." group, which my wife is in charge of, and which she keeps trying to get me sacked from. She can't though: I am an elected officer, and the AGM is a year away.

[TimDowling]

@JustOneCube

Tim - how differently do you reckon your life would have turned out if you hadn't met your wife?

That's easy - I'd be a tramp. I still hanker for that life, sometimes.

[TimDowling]

@JustineMumsnet

Tim, gather you did a similar webchat on the Guardian site yesterday - how did that experience compare? We're better aren't we?

It was very nice, but obviously not as glamorous and I wasn't as well treated, and didn't get any free sushi or anything. In fact, I did it from home.

[TimDowling]

@pinkballoon19

hi tim! who are your favourite columnists? apart from yourself OBVIOUSLY...

I used to really like Jon Ronson, but some jerk replaced him. I also really like Zoe Williams, L. Mangan and Janice Turner in the Times [PAYWALL].

[TimDowling]

@woeface

Argh am I too late?
Tim, we love you (and your wife obv)
How are you hoping your relationship with your boys will develop as they become adults?
AND
what has been the biggest source of marital conflict in your house?

Biggest conflict: the little dog, and ironing; we both hate ironing, and my wife does most of it, and not very well. I had to re-iron the shirt I'm wearing right now, which was not popular. I think I might be getting an iron for my birthday.

It's already rather nice dealing with my children as quasi-adults, although it means they're prepared - well prepared - to argue about everything.

[TimDowling]

@Swannery

Do you feel more or less English by now, or does being American still give you some distance on England and the English, and make you a better observer of your life here?

I don't feel English, but I am pretty acclimatised. Being American means you can recycle old American jokes for British consumption, and people think you've just invented them. I suppose I'm always on the look-out for things that strike me as odd, and being American means those are different things. For instance: all your TO LET signs - why does no one ever deface them so they say TOILET?