Does anyone fancy going a bit Stepford with me?

[BEAUTlFUL]

I regret that title now! but will carry on regardless...

Basically, I have recently read a marriage book called "Fascinating Womanhood" by helen Andelin, written in the 1960's, and am starting to practise it in my marriage. It involves a lot of work, but good work, IYKWIM, accepting DH, admiring him, appreciating his efforts, listening to him, being a "domestic goddess", taking over childcare completely, settling him with a drink when he comes home, etc.

I'm LOVING it and actually weirdly feel a lot happier and more confident since I started it! I know it's not going to be popular with many of you, but is there anyone out there who fancies trying it out?

We could do it like a sort of bookclub, and follow the assignments every week. It promises to make your DH absolutely gaga in love again, v attentive, romantic, etc.

But more than that, it really teaches you acceptance, so if they're not being perfect, it really doesn't get to you as much. Or at all.

I know it'll get scoffed at, but I don't care really!

Anyone? It's hard work, but I'm convinced it's worth it as after just 3 weeks, DH and I feel so much closer, he is saying ILY all the time, we are laughing again, holding hands in bed, etc.

Even my mum has noticed. We went there for lunch and afterwards Mum rang up and said, "What's with you two? Your DH looks so happy and confident, and your body-language together was so 'united'!"

[Tortington]

your right of course.

off to mek a brew, bbs, calmer

[anyfucker]

dsr, you are crackin me up

what a weird evening on MN this has turned out to be

I have sobbed-with sadness and laughter

I must go to bed now

[BEAUTlFUL]

I'm embarrassed - so embarrassed - that I ever started this. And that people can't believe I'm a real person. eep.

I read the book and got all enthused. You haven't read it. She's so convincing. she has filled it with millions of "success stories" from women whose husbands are just adorable, over-the-top lovely, and I thought, "I'll have some of that!"

The house was in chaos anyway, so it didn't hurt. You're not allowed to tell your DH what you're doing well, of course you can, it's not like joining a cult (help, is it?!), but it won't be as effective so I just flung myself into it and began going all 50s.

DH kept a sceptical "How long is this going to last?", "What have you done?", "Look, just tell me when it was towed to and I'll have it picked up" sort of distance for 2 days, then just exploded into niceness and I really thought I was on to something.

I haven't given up work (I work part-time), but I have given him control of the money, as a) I'm SHITE at it, and b) I trust him 100% absolutely, and c) A bit more responsibility wouldn't hurt him in that direction... One of us needs to feel the pressure/worry of it all, and why can't that be him?

[differentID]

Yes, beautiful, your dh is probably shocked about this complete change- probably scared that you'll end up jumping out from behind a curtain with a carving knife. He is probably shitting himself right now. I know mine would be.

[thumbwitch]

By BEAUTlFUL on Mon 24-Nov-08 23:51:44
"Oh God. Look, stop posting to me so manfully! You just know I'm weak and will crumble!

I didn't think it was that bad. I was only doing it for fun. I just wanted a bit more hair-stroking."

By BEAUTlFUL on Mon 24-Nov-08 23:57:10

"Am I the only one to read something and be so spineless impressionable to have leapt all over it like it's The Answer and then tried to convert everyone else?"

I present these 2 statements as evidence in the case of "beautiful is trolling", M'Lud and ladies.

[anyfucker]

beautiful, don't be embarassed

you have made my fucking night, honestly

[Saturn74]

Bless you, Beautiful.

Now shut up and make us all a cup of tea, will ya?

[sweetgrapes]

Why thumbwitch?
[naive]

[sweetgrapes]

the tea would be good though.

[thumbwitch]

ech, they look like tongue in cheek "look at pore li'l lady me" statements.

[Tortington]

pmsl humphrey!!!!

yeah and a cake - homemade, and hurry up about it, ive been working all day, not like you you lazy arse slacker

[anyfucker]

and stick a broom up your arse so you can sweep up on the way.......

[dsrplus8]

fuck it ,anyone for vodka???>

[thumbwitch]

Fill'er up dsrplus8 - Slainte! To a good bit of trollery.

[anyfucker]

my sides are aching...

[Nappiesgalore]

... how very odd...

[dsrplus8]

hiya napies . do you want a drink? we are toasting the troll!

[pooter]

ok - i think i understand where Beautiful (who i think i have seen on MN for quite a while) is coming from.

I have a husband who never lifts a finger if he can help it. It drives me round the bend and i have posted in absolute frustration on MN in the past. We have had almighty rows, i have cried, i have considered leaving etc etc. I'm a SAHM on anti-depressants and my house is in chaos. Before the whole 'handing over control of the finances' bombshell was dropped i actually thought "Hmmm.....so this has worked for someone....maybe i'll give it a go".

I am in no way subservient to anyone, and when my PIL visit i turn apoplectic with rage at their master/servant relationship - but i need something to change in my marriage. He just doesnt respond to anything ive tried so far.

I really envy those of you whose husbands wouldnt want you to be a domestic goddess. I would love for my DH to take some responsibility for our home/child - but he won't. If its going to be up to me anyway, then perhaps i should just 'suck it up' and do a decent job of it instead of getting angry and frustrated.

But no way am i relinquishing control of the money. That is just setting yourself up for a fall. How many women trust their husbands 100% then find they've been screwed over. Just read MN.

[thumbwitch]

you don't have to BE a troll to indulge in a bit of trollery, I know Beautiful has been around for a while, I have seen her post before too. But I still think (and really hope!) that this is a tongue-in-the-cheek wind-up thread. If not, she's having a delusional episode (although I am glad for her that she is having fun with it!)

[thumbwitch]

for you pooter - sounds like your DH needs some kind of rocket up the arse, don't think he's likely to change much now, though.

[pooter]

ta thumbwitch. I think it was desperation that drove me to considering joining in with Beautiful! Honestly, some days i think im going to whack him with a pan. Hes having some time off soon (works very long hours - more like having an invisible messy teenager than a husband!) so im hoping we can sort out an equitable division of labour. ie, he owes me big time!

[ToThrottleablackbird]

pmpl

[BEAUTlFUL]

I'm so tempted to say I was trolling. it would be an easy escape route, and the only way I can think of to avoid having to delete my profile and run away to some other, cosier, more doormatty forum...

But I wasn't. I did in fact read a self-help book, in real life, honestly, and got all swept away. I'm glad you have forced me to realise that I have been somewhat brainwashed by the scary book. (The woman who wrote it was a Mormon!)

OK. I just checked the bank accounts and all the money is still where it should be, so phew. That bit I won't, on balance, pursue.

But, I like the rest. The arguments do vanish when you take control of an area of the marriage (in this case, the home) and throw yourself into it 100%. there are good points made in the scary book about housework. Namely: If you just do enough to get by, you will not enjoy it. The joy comes in "Going the second mile".

This I have found to be true. I've been laying the breakfast table the night before with bowls, cereals, etc. In the morning it is lovely. we all eat together well, when my DH allows me to have food, of course and it is much calmer.

What else? I will stand by the "make the house peaceful when he comes home" idea. Don't slag that off until you have tried it at least once. It is lovely.

I used to criticise DH's driving. He is a good driver, but faster than I am. I used to flinch and twitch when we got past 75. I have stopped that. He actually thanked me yesterday for not saying anything about his driving! He said it was a lot easier to concentrate without someone next to him yelping and covering their eyes every 5 minutes.

I have been using DS2's morning nap to have a shower, put make-up on and get nicely dressed. that has boosted my confidence endlessly, and the application of mascara now means I can actually look people in the eye when I go out. I have been wearing an apron (a 50s style, polka-dot one), which is actually quite good fun when you can do it out of choice and not because it's what your Overlord laid out for you to wear.

I have meal-planned, and cooked in advance, so our evenings are calm.

I have encouraged DH to talk about his work, to the extent that he says he now thinks of us as being "in it together" (since I am no longer trying to impress him, but am letting him impress me).

I no longer feel guilty, or lazy. I'm not gazing at the dishwasher in fury, I just empty it. It takes approximately 1 minute. I leave the messy, dirty jobs for him to do and he does them cheerfully, because he knows I appreciate it.

When DH asks for my advice I give it to him. But, I don't offer it unsolicited any more. This makes me feel less like his Mum, and makes him feel that I trust him. Instead of worrying about my DH, I concentrate on my stuff.

What else? Oh, I appreciate his discipline in the bedroom, and know that the Taser is actually helping me be a better wife...

The atmosphere is lovely, really. I have got a lot more out of this than I have put in. I think what's good if you don't go 100% brainwashed like I did before (thanks to everyone for the virtual slapping the only language I understand...) -- is that this has helped me show him love in the ways he responds to (the admiration, trust, acceptance, etc) which has made him feel understood and accepted, and much, much lovelier to me.

For example -- before this, I wanted him to call me every day from work. I used to nag him. (Eek.) When I did the bit about "acceptance", I stopped trying to change him, and just thought, "He isn't that chatty, he's busy at work, leave him alone." Because I could let that go and feel happier, he of course now calls me every day because he wants to.

So maybe there is a middle ground. Learning to accept your partner for who he is, right now, and concentrating on what YOU can put into your marriage rather than what YOU will get out of it, is a much healthier way to live.

If I'm delusional about that, I don't want to be talked out of it!

But yes, you're right about the money.

[Tortington]

when he lets you eat - was a joke right ?

i get tazer was a joke.

discipline in the bedroom

apron.

i...i..i...