Super soaker etiquette at parties

[tigermoth]

Does this sound ok to you?

My ds2 age 8 has been invited to a classmate's party tomorrow (after school ends, last day of term).

The party will take place outdoors in a small park next to the school. (Host and helpers will take the whole class to the park after school ends in the afternoon - hurrah!)

I saw the host's mother yesterday to confirm arrangements. Ds1 begged to bring his large super soaker water pistol with him - and a spare one to give to someone else.

Host's mother and I had a quick talk and agreed it was ok as long as it was warm weather. But I am not sure if host's mother was agreeing under duress IYSWIM. Ds2 was being very insistent and I wonder if the mother was just being polite through gritted teeth?

I told ds2 in front of host's mum that she had my absolute permission to veto any super soaker activity on the day.

ds2 has come home from school today obsessed with super soaker plans. He has apparently got his teacher's permission to bring in bottles of water and store them, along with his two super soakers, in school for use at the party (as there is no water supply at the park). I keep reminding him that if it is cool or if children get upset, the water fight is off, but he seems to have his mind set on this.

I cannot contact host's mother - can't get her phone number and I am unlikely to see her tomorrow morning as she does not do the school drop off. So as it stands,
ds2 will arrive at school tomorrow complete with super soakers.

I plan to write a letter to host's mother re-iterating that she has my utter permission to ban super soakers and ds2 knows this. I will give this letter to ds2 to give to her at the beginning of the party. Ds2 knows I will check that he has given her the letter when I collect him.

It's the end of term, the party is outdoors, I don't want to put the dampers on ds2's plans but hmmm.... what would you think if you were the host's mother? Would you be ok with this?

PS Bit of extra background - some of the parents of ds2's classmates see him as a bit of a livewire, so from what I can gather, he tends not to get too many play date or party invites. This is the first class party he has been invited to for ages and I have told ds2 it's really important that he does what he is told by the host mother so the other parents will see he takes notice. At school, ds2 is reasonably well behaved - I never have to see his teachers about his behaviour, and as a rule he plays well in a group, but I know he will be running around in a frenzy of super soaker, end of term excitement.....

[unfitmother]

NO, you are not being fair.

[welshdeb]

Your choice - disappoint your son over this and don't piss off the rest of the parents in the class, (who get cold wet kids at the end of the party) or give in and run the risk of him not being invited to any more parties/ play dates.

[Hulababy]

The woman may not feel like she is able to say no, even at the time.

I think it is wrong to let DS do this, I really do. I would definitely say no now. It is his classmate's birthday party - he should be the special child, the one who is the focus and centre of attention. Mum shouldn;t have to be supervising other child and friend running round, not joining in with rest of party activities and doing their own thing. It just doesn;t seem fair.

[andyrobo237]

I agree with spicemonster - a fair is different to a party as you just go the the fair and dont know who is there, whereas a party you have been invited - it would have been hard for the host mum to say no to you, unless she was a very good friend. I as the parent of the child would have said ' o' but you can have it on the way home or we will go to the park the next day and you can have fun with it then. It is not fair on the other kids at the party - some may not like water pistols - there may be girls there in pretty summer dresses, who would not like it.

No No No No - and again No

I think the theme on this thread is a resounding no!

[andyrobo237]

I agree with spicemonster - a fair is different to a party as you just go the the fair and dont know who is there, whereas a party you have been invited - it would have been hard for the host mum to say no to you, unless she was a very good friend. I as the parent of the child would have said ' o' but you can have it on the way home or we will go to the park the next day and you can have fun with it then. It is not fair on the other kids at the party - some may not like water pistols - there may be girls there in pretty summer dresses, who would not like it.

No No No No - and again No

I think the theme on this thread is a resounding no!

[andyrobo237]

I agree with spicemonster - a fair is different to a party as you just go the the fair and dont know who is there, whereas a party you have been invited - it would have been hard for the host mum to say no to you, unless she was a very good friend. I as the parent of the child would have said ' o' but you can have it on the way home or we will go to the park the next day and you can have fun with it then. It is not fair on the other kids at the party - some may not like water pistols - there may be girls there in pretty summer dresses, who would not like it.

No No No No - and again No

I think the theme on this thread is a resounding no!

[pgwithnumber3]

NO NO NO NO NO! I can't believe you thought it was an okay idea in the first place. Water pistols are great if you are in your own garden, kids are stripped off and there are only a couple of them having a laugh with it. NOT at a party where there will only be 2 pistols available and most children are not going to be wanting to be soaked to the skin and freezing cold thus ruining the party for them.

Can't believe you are not taking on board the advice already given. Just say no to your DS. I understand he will be disappointed but unfortunately, it is not his party.

[cornsilk]

I put ours in the car boot yesterday and it's staying there. It will be a nightmare. There's a big difference between playing at the school fair and playing at a birthday party when the chn are full of pop and cakes. Do not send it.

[morningpaper]

what everyone else said

Also - I would think that if it was my child who wasn't invited to many parties because he was a bit of a PITA, I would probably want to attend to keep him in check as a favour to the other parents - hang around and help and be nice and make sure that you are the one keeping him in control, and hopefully he'll be invited out a lot more

good luck

[CaptainUnderpants]

NO NO NO ! You are being very unfair to the other Mum - 'she has my utter permission to ban the super soaker on the day ' - what a cop out by you !

Stand up to your DS and tell him NO, not his party.

[cocolepew]

Nobody has said yes doesn't that tell you something? It's not up to the other mum to say 'no' to your son, it's up to you.

[melpomene]

Not fair to give host mother the responsibility of confiscating it. It would only take seconds for him (or another boy) to squirt people who aren't happy with it, and by then it's too late to confiscate it. People won't have changes of clothes with them. (or adult helpers could get soaked, party food could get soaked etc)

Agree with previous suggestions to arrange a super soaker party for him another time, when everyone knows what they are letting themselves in for.

[flowerybeanbag]

I'm a bit bemused about why you even asked us tbh. You do seem either dead keen to let him take it or frightened of saying no to him and to make yourself feel less guilty you are really trying to get someone to say it's ok. It's not.

[SorenLorensen]

I'm going to go even further - dh's boss was shot in the eye at close range with one of these at a family barbecue a couple of years ago. He was lucky not to lose his eye and still only has partial vision in that eye. I know it was a one-in-a-million accident but you are not going to be there to supervise, loads of over-excited kids...I wouldn't do it, personally.

[melpomene]

I'm also surprised that the teacher gave permission for him to bring them to school!

[CaptainUnderpants]

You will not be doing your DS any favours by letting him take it to the party - looks like he will live up to his name as a livewire and gets even less invites and playdates .

Make a stance - for his sake .

[welshdeb]

You have said that he "apparently" has the teacher's permission for this.

Have you verified that he actually has permission to take these into school. I know that it wouldn't be allowed in my dc school.

[OurHamsterisevil]

No its not fair unless every child has one.

[tigermoth]

I can't be there at the beginning as I will be at work, but will arrive about mid way through.

I'd be happy if I was hosting a party to ban OTT super soaker activity from guests - it's just part of what you'd normally do as a host. I wouldn't feel put upon, but I do take notice of your overwhelming feeling that this mother could feel under pressure. I do know the mother to some extent and she strikes me as being quite strong and fiesty - able to hold her own.

But I want opinions, hence starting the thread.

PS the birthday child is a girl, and likes playing running around 'boys versus girls' games with my ds - she is also quite fiesty.

[pgwithnumber3]

Well I am going to change my mind and say YES DO IT and then let us know tomorrow night if it goes down like letting a rabid dog off its lead at the party.

[spicemonster]

No. I feel sorry for tigermoth - I don't think I've ever read a thread where everyone was in agreement (and not with the OP)

[CaptainUnderpants]

Hopefully OP is having a good think about this or telling her DS 'NO ! '

[WhatsupDoc]

Who is the adult here - mum or DS?

Sounds like DS is calling all the shots. I don't understand why mum won't put her foot down.