Super soaker etiquette at parties

[tigermoth]

Does this sound ok to you?

My ds2 age 8 has been invited to a classmate's party tomorrow (after school ends, last day of term).

The party will take place outdoors in a small park next to the school. (Host and helpers will take the whole class to the park after school ends in the afternoon - hurrah!)

I saw the host's mother yesterday to confirm arrangements. Ds1 begged to bring his large super soaker water pistol with him - and a spare one to give to someone else.

Host's mother and I had a quick talk and agreed it was ok as long as it was warm weather. But I am not sure if host's mother was agreeing under duress IYSWIM. Ds2 was being very insistent and I wonder if the mother was just being polite through gritted teeth?

I told ds2 in front of host's mum that she had my absolute permission to veto any super soaker activity on the day.

ds2 has come home from school today obsessed with super soaker plans. He has apparently got his teacher's permission to bring in bottles of water and store them, along with his two super soakers, in school for use at the party (as there is no water supply at the park). I keep reminding him that if it is cool or if children get upset, the water fight is off, but he seems to have his mind set on this.

I cannot contact host's mother - can't get her phone number and I am unlikely to see her tomorrow morning as she does not do the school drop off. So as it stands,
ds2 will arrive at school tomorrow complete with super soakers.

I plan to write a letter to host's mother re-iterating that she has my utter permission to ban super soakers and ds2 knows this. I will give this letter to ds2 to give to her at the beginning of the party. Ds2 knows I will check that he has given her the letter when I collect him.

It's the end of term, the party is outdoors, I don't want to put the dampers on ds2's plans but hmmm.... what would you think if you were the host's mother? Would you be ok with this?

PS Bit of extra background - some of the parents of ds2's classmates see him as a bit of a livewire, so from what I can gather, he tends not to get too many play date or party invites. This is the first class party he has been invited to for ages and I have told ds2 it's really important that he does what he is told by the host mother so the other parents will see he takes notice. At school, ds2 is reasonably well behaved - I never have to see his teachers about his behaviour, and as a rule he plays well in a group, but I know he will be running around in a frenzy of super soaker, end of term excitement.....

[TheFallenMadonna]

I would honestly already be at you not just knocking it on the head to start with TBH.

[flowerybeanbag]

tigermoth you sound an awful lot less than 100% against him taking it. You are coming across as though you are happy for him to take it and are looking for people here to tell you it's fine. Apologies if that's not the case but that's how it sounds to me.

[partaria]

Hosting a whole class party outdoors + livewire with supersoaker + spare supersoaker + water store + end of term excitement = sorry but absolutely not. It's your ds's classmate's party, not ds's own "plan" which may or may not need to have "dampers" put on it...
...let him have his own supersoaker party at yours another time.

[tigermoth]

Have already said to ds2 that the whole super soaker thing is a definite no if the weather is cool like it has been today. But on wednesday it was hot here - don't know what the forecast is for Friday.

[juuule]

No, from me too. Take note of all the posts and don't let him take it.

[Hulababy]

If you are at all concerned that she didn't really mean it or that she felt somewhat pressured into it by you or your DS - don't let him take it.

Instead of him going with the soaker, and doing his own thing - encourage him to go without, and to join in with the actual party events that will take place, with all the children that are there.

[TheFallenMadonna]

Given the feedback you've got here, and your own doubts, why not just say 'not this time'. It honestly seems like a no-brainer to me...

[tigermoth]

I'm 50/50 I think. It depends on whether I take the host mother's stated feelings on this at face value or assume she was lying to me.

[juuule]

And thinking about it, I can't believe that you even considered it for more than a microsecond without dismissing it.

[TheFallenMadonna]

I'm sure someone will be along soon who will turn the thread for you - there usually is

[flowerybeanbag]

I think saying she was lying to you is a bit harsh! She felt cornered and caught off guard and with DS there begging felt she had to say yes, which she is now regretting but feels she can't take it back. That's not lying.

[tigermoth]

I can see from my ds2 POV that it was a logical request - he was only asking to do the same thing he had done a few weeks ago, in the same place with the same people - with no mishaps.( Host's mother was at the school fair so saw him in action there).

[traceybath]

she was being polite. You now need to be polite and tell your son - not this time.

[snice]

THe "etiquette" here is that it is not your DS's party and so he should not be setting the agenda for it.

[juuule]

Whatever the mother said or meant (and it sounds as though she was put on the spot) think it out for yourself. Your ds has been invited to a party. He should join in with the others who have been invited and not have the potential to swamp the proceedings with a super soaker which only he and one other could use when it wasn't originally a 'wet' type of party.

[traceybath]

But its her son's party - its his special day not your sons.

And the letter idea is not a good one - i'd hate that if i was the host. She'll have enough to deal with without telling your son he can't after all play with a super soaker.

[tigermoth]

Remember she has a get out clause - she has my utter permission to ban the super soaker on the day - can do so 2 minutes into the party if she wants to.

[flowerybeanbag]

Just because an 8 year old thinks something is logical doesn't mean it's ok or a good idea!

[TheFallenMadonna]

I think it would be hard to issue an outright 'no' when a child is "very insistent" and his mother is negotiating on his behalf.

But I wasn't there and I don't know her, so I guess you are better placed to make a judgement regarding her poisition.

[spicemonster]

I think some people have trouble saying no when put on the spot like that. School fair is one thing because that is a general occasion. This is one little boy's birthday party. The boy whose birthday it is does not have a super-soaker. He is not going to have a nice time if your DS takes his. Sorry.

[partaria]

Tigermoth it's not about whether she was lying; the woman was put by you on what all the posters think was an awkward spot. she had to think on her feet and you must see the big fat social clue staring at you - namely there are conditions put on the use of the invasive disruptive nuisance toy at her son's party.

boot on other foot; if you were hosting a large party for excited children and someone's child and his mum were keen on him bringing something that wasn't universally popular with a danger of it irritating the hell out of some/all of the other children, would you honestly be 100% chilled about it or would you privately be thinking "I wish X hadn't asked me that; hope she gets the hint"...??

Honestly now ?

[juuule]

You ban it and then she doesn't need a get out clause.