Best parenting tip you ever got?

[giantwaterbottle]

Obviously I'm not being unreasonable to ask 🤷‍♀️

Mine was from some friends who had older kids.
Always double the sheets/plastic sheet in baby/toddler bed.

It's saved us in the middle of the night on countless occasions.

Haven't read all thread so someone may of already said this but here goes:

Kids may not listen to all you say, but they are watching everything you do.

Someone told me that many years ago. Ive never forgotten it.

Sleep/rest when the baby sleeps (during the day). Housework etc will wait.
Buy a slow cooker. It will become your BF.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

The baby vests with the "envelope" necks... you can pull them down after a poonami instead of trying to get them over the head.

I was going to say this one!

It’s always the one I pass on. That and ‘trust your instincts’

The wisest words I heard from my Mum, which rings true more than fifty years on, was to be an individual and not to follow the crowd. So many of my friends then were experimenting with drugs but I always heard her words and I rejected that route It doesn't only apply to drugs though, but to mob mentality.

My grandmother on babies: "Keep one end wet and the other end dry".

@ChocolateDeficitDisorder

My own advice to myself.

Don't hit your children, even if you're really angry and frustrated.

I remember wishing death on my mother after she had hit me over the head so hard that my ears were ringing. I never, ever wanted my own children to hate me as much as I hated her at those moments.

I admit to shouting at times but would never hit my children. When I'm feeling broken by them I lock myself in the bathroom, swear under my breath and come out feeling better....

They usually stop messing when they don't have an audience as well!

When they go through fussy stages don't focus on what they eat in one day, look at the week as a whole. Chances are that they're getting far more healthy food than you realise.

Also so long as the household gets sleep it doesn't matter where that happens they all leave your bed eventually, or want you to leave theirs.

@kindaclassy

Don't focus on the kids beds with waterproof/spare sheets... DO yours too!

Where do you think your baby will spend the rest of the night when they are poorly, and likely to be sick again? Your king-size mattress....

I wish I'd have done this the other night. 6yo DS crept unannounced into our bed and proceeded to wet himself.
I woke up and started shrieking as my hair and back were sopping wet.

Thanks for peeing on mummy's side son. 😆
AND I'd changed the sheets the previous day 😩

@IvanTheDragon

A friend introduced me to the concept of a “yes space” - you make a room or space so that everything the child can reach, they’re fine to interact with. Once my daughter could crawl we adapted our front room like this - cabinets with doors she can’t open, baby gate at the door and furniture positioned in front of sockets etc. It means she can play in there without me hovering and telling her no, don’t touch that or distracting and redirecting all the time. I find it invaluable to be able to be a bit less Professor Moody (Constant vigilance!).

So the 'yes space' is basically a positive and modern way of saying child proof room.....like it, even though child proofing is not a new concept!

From a fridge magnet: Tidying the house while the kids are growing is like shovelling snow while it’s still snowing. (priorities!)

And: children cry. At any age. It’s ok, you don’t always need to ‘fix it’ for them. Just knowing there is an empathetic, loving parent there with them is often all they need while they work it out for themselves.

With the sheets thing, I used to just put a clean dry towel on straight over the wet bit, change DC night clothes and back to bed... I didn't have more than 4 sets of waterproof sheets and my 2 DSs weren't dry overnight until they were 13 and 11.

Agree with the PP about not saying 'don't'. I saw this on a parenting programme years ago and they said the child doesn't hear the 'don't' so for example 'don't climb on there' is heard as 'climb on there'. So tell them what you want them to do 'please get down from there', or 'come over here', look what's this? - distraction at it's best haha.

Love the Christmas stocking idea, brilliant.

@Batsy

That's interesting, DS (5) is also a very picky eater and I think heading for a sensory processing diagnosis.

I'm fairly sure he isn't autistic (at least he's very articulate and fairly socially confident) but were there any early signs of it with yours?

Remove the audience when the child has a tantrum- works for any age. Don't argue with a child; it's takes two to have an argument- don't be that second person.

Buy some ear plugs

If a child is tantrum-ing, and they are safe and in a secure place (and doesn’t have any issues), let them have a tantrum. Don’t give in to their demands. Not always easy, I know, especially if in a public space, but in the long run, it pays dividends.

Allow children to be bored. They don’t need to be entertained all the time.

The only bit of advice my mum gave me - just keep talking to her. Helped in so many ways (DD was about 6 weeks at the time). Just the physical act of talking released tension (I had no idea what I was doing as a parent), DD became my mate as she started to respond to me, and obviously (with hindsight) v important to talk to them for their development.

Here’s another. Toddlers quickly learn to tune out cries of ‘careful!’ and it often is meaningless to them as they lack the context to understand what you’re telling them to be careful of. I also think that overusing ‘be careful’ can make the world seem a scarier, more dangerous place. So instead of saying that, I bring his attention to the ‘risk’. For example ‘wow, see how big that step is?’ ‘oh look, the sink is above your head!’ ‘ooh, see how the floor is bumpy there?’. Sounds daft written down but it works!

Parent and love the child you have not the one you imagined. They'll thrive on it!

God I hate that passive aggressive bullshit. Ignores the reality that unless you’re privileged enough to have support you can’t simply ignore chores, you still need a vaguely sanitary home, clean dishes, and a usable bathroom. It guilts parents who need to be able to put their baby down for a bit and crack on with housework, work or caring for other siblings.

Ask parents in the slums in Mumbai how much time they get to focus solely on playing with their babies and how much time is spent on survival.

Absolutely.

And so many mothers are much happier to find a system that works, and means a clean, comfortable and happy environment AND time with their baby than being brought down by mess and rubbish.

Be kind to yourself and if you care then you’re doing a good job. Only good parents worry they’re not!
It sounds weird because we all breathe, but sometimes we get so busy and stressed we forget to breath deeply. Take 3 minutes, treat yourself to that wee or cuppa and breathe deeply, suck in all the calm you can!

"Fighters like an audience".

Works wonders to ignore two warring little ones without appearing to do it deliberately. Eg remember something you have to find in another room.

1. what you tell them, they become eg you lazy lazy child etc. Teens are still learning keep teaching, not that awful tone talking to them like 100 year old who should know everything..

1. Listen when they talk about mundane things you think are trivial, one day they will trust you with the big stuff.
2. We don't own our children and one day they may choose not to see us much, and that will be our issue not theirs.
3. Have a house that works for the children not against them,they didn't choose the cream carpets they keep getting screamed at for messing up. (I'm literally choosing a kitchen with materials that are child friendly that I don't have to constantly defend to keep pristine, I'm choosing stuff I don't want to worry about).

1. A family that has fun stays together... Down time, games.. Adventures... And time time time.

1. Anything can happen at any moment... Any of us can be snatched into the Jaws of death, so give them the best childhood you can and don't sweat the small stuff.

7 lastly!! No one cares about your child like you do (unless incredibly dysfunctional family) you are your child's advocate and voice, defend them, fight for them and don't worry about pushing for them if they need it esp (sen needs) everyone else has a different agenda... Yours is your child, fight for them.

What a wonderful thread!
I've read every post, and as a mum of seven, agree with most of them. Definitely the ones that advise leaving kids to be 'bored' though. My next door but one neighbour took her kids out in her car to a different place every day through the long six weeks hols.. one day her kids asked if they could just stay home & play in the street with their friends.. she was GUTTED. They make their own entertainment & it definitely helps as they get older.
I still have my youngest ones at home, one 20 and two mid-twenties. We hug & say we love each other all the time. Best thing that ever happened to me, my kids! :-)

Some words of wisdom from my mum’s best friend. A senior midwife in the UK with over 30 years of experience, she helped me out a lot at the beginning. I was struggling with postpartum depression and guilt from not being able to breastfeed exclusively and having to supplement with formula. I should also add I’m a secondary teacher hence the start of the sentence!

“As a teacher, can you walk into a room and tell who’s been breastfed and who’s been formula fed? Can you tell who slept in their parents bed and who slept in a crib? What about who took a dummy and who didn’t? Or can you tell who has been loved and cared for, respected and brought up with kindness and understanding and who hasn’t? These things like feeding and sleeping may seem huge but we are talking about one year or less of your child’s life. As long as they are fed, warm, clean, clothed, loved, and cuddled your baby will be fine. No one knows your baby as well as you, not even your doctor, midwife or lady down the road with 13 kids! Trust your instincts, believe in your love for your child and you will be absolutely grand. The other things are details which will sort themselves out in the end. Your baby will tell you what she wants. Follow her and your own instincts. You can do this.”

With your first baby, when you start saying " I don't have the time, I can't find the time, I can't do this or that..."

Just imagine it's your 3rd or 4th child. You would find the time to feed them, bath them, take them to school, of course you would.

So it's fine to pop to the loo or have a shower, even if you take the moses basket in the bathroom with you, leave the door open and you see your baby or whatever works in your house.

It's fine to organise a coffee with friends.