Secrets of your trade.

[Confusedfornow]

I have worked in my current area of expertise for the last 20 years or so. It's in Aviation, can't say exactly what or for who as it's a relatively small community (for my role) and it would be VERY outing. Before this, my only other "job" that I did for a few years was dancing (yes, that kind ). So I don't have massive experience of the world of work.

But I was chatting with some people in a bar over the weekend and conversation turned to jobs and then to my role. I was telling them about some stuff which is perfectly normal to me, but was absolutely news to them.

For instance . .

When a plane is "parked" and everything is switched off, the aircraft is referred to as being "Cold and dark".

If a helicopter has engine failure, it won't just fall out of the sky. The pilots are trained in a procedure called "autorotation" and can usually land safely even if the engine isn't running at all.

All British Airways flights use the call sign "Speed Bird". It's unique and no other airline in the world uses it.

Last one . .

Pilots can't wear polarised sunglasses. They make the electronic displays on the flight deck appear black, and you can't read any information from them.

So, what do you know from your jobs that is mundane for you but which most people wouldn't have a clue/be surprised by?

@Mysterian totally agree. Ofsted is a stupid waste of energy.

Midwife here.

I’d never let it show, but I judge your baby name choices! If I can’t bring myself to compliment it then I’ll say something like “oooh, you won’t get many of them in a class!” 😳

If your epidural works - you’re very lucky!

We have code phrases: if I press the call bell to get another midwife in then I might say “the back is on maternal right” (I.e. I think this’ll be a shoulder dystopia) or “can I have 40 units please?” (She’s gonna bleed!)

Delivering dead babies is far more satisfying than delivering live ones, and I don’t know why that is

Never ever ask your midwife if they’ve got kids of their own. I know you might mean well, but fertility issues don’t disappear just because of your job title.

All newborns look the same.

If I’m suturing a woman after she’s given birth and her partner asks me to “put an extra one in there” I’ll give him a hard stare and ask how small he’s talking.

We do have a chuckle at laminated birth plans.

I once had a patient tell me he was going to murder someone.
He went on to murder someone else and is now serving life in prison.

Did you report it, olddentist?

Delivering dead babies is far more satisfying than delivering live ones, and I don’t know why that is

Can you elaborate further please?

theyvallgone

Your post about caring for angel babies is very moving

@Shimy

I’m sorry, I phrased that very poorly - I mean scenarios where the baby is known to have died in utero. I get no satisfaction at all from unexpected deaths. In fact I get no satisfaction at all from any fetal death, but I do feel that it’s a more rewarding part of the job.

Why? think it’s because there’s an opportunity to make more of a difference to the couple. They tend to cling on to any act of kindness, and there’s a sense that, as a professional, you can only improve their situation - nothing can make it worse. Also the care can be truly ‘woman centred’, because the worst has already happened to the baby.

Never ever ask your midwife if they’ve got kids of their own.

Does this apply to every profession?

MadGreyCatLady
Outside of a hospital setting, if you wish to have a DNACPR order, the best way is probably speaking to your GP. They can record this in your clinical notes and complete a community DNACPR form. You should have a copy to keep at home in case emergency services are called out. Most hospital trusts in my area now have access to GP records but not all will. Usually a new form is completed if you are admitted to hospital to ensure uniform documentation in the trust. They will not necessarily re-discuss with you if you already have / can show a community DNACPR form.

GPs can also create an online record for you on something called Coordinate My Care, which documents your medical history, allergies, resuscitation status etc and is available to healthcare services and the emergency services to view.

Theyvallgone - that brought a tear to my eye **

ihate true they aren't secret

Midwifes, what if any is the consequence of a BBA where the mother was sent home (i didn't fit the model of contraction timings)?
I slightly want to print and laminate my contraction timings and stick them on the front of my next birth plan (hypothetical, not pregnant atm I hope)

@olderthanyouthink

An incident form would (should!) have been completed, which means it would have been looked into. Unless seriously unwise advice was given (eg sending home a woman pregnant with her 7th baby at 5cm dilated) then it’s just considered ‘one of those things’ - there are always going to be people, like yourself, who don’t fit the (pretty inflexible) model we work with.

theyvallgonethat made me well up, I'm sure it brings lots of comfort to people that have gone through that awful experience.

Olddentist A question or two if you don't mind?

I had chicken pox when I was a few weeks old and when my milk teeth came through they all had a horrible brown line across. The dentist told my DM it was due to the CP. My teeth lasted until I was about 4 and then started to decay from the brown line and I had to have most of them removed when I was about 5. It was horrible. I still remember the smell and taste of the gas and coming round feeling like shite and spitting blood. It was probably 1972. My DM was anal about tooth brushing and we didn't have sweets, juice or anything sugary.

Can CP really do that to teeth that have yet to erupt or was I just unlucky?

My adult teeth though were absolutely great - up to a point. I didn't need a filling until I was 25. Now I'm in my 50s and bone loss has become a problem along with freaky tooth roots.

I've lost most of my upper molars due to bone recession in my upper jaw - thank you menopause - and freaky pointed tooth roots. Mine don't have that claw appearance. They are sort of welded together into a point so don't anchor into my jaw. Am I very weird? My dentist says it's quite common in women.

Moo thanks. I was 1cm dilated ambit my contractions went wonky when I got to the hospital, I refused to go home for a few hours it gave in. In hindsight I should have been checked again before leaving but they said they wouldn't do that for 6 hours and I'd need to be having regular close contractions for at least 3 hours then comeback, I'd had the baby by then not bitter... thinking I had hours and hours of agony left was awful at least next time I can be a bit more prepared, Sod's law says it'll be the complete opposite though

GeneandFred

Seriously? I've not done West End but I've done professional regional theatre. I can't remember having time or being able to see an audience member putting their hand across their mouth to talk whilst the house lights were down. Even if I had I wouldn't assume they were talking about me. Going to the theatre with my DM or DH it is more likely to be something like - 'I need a wee, how long is it until the interval?'

Phones yes. You might think you are being discreet but you illuminate yourself like a Christmas tree. We can spot you a mile off. And we hate you. Turn it off or fuck off outside. I have known Company Managers ask the FoH Manager to remove audience members using phones during a performance due to distracting the performers.

Like the twats sat either side of us last weekend at the show we went to. It doesn't just piss off the performers, it also pisses off fellow audience members. We want to watch the show, not the glow from your phone. And if you can't manage a couple of hours without updating FB or IG then stay at home.

@olderthanyouthink

Believe me, if I was your midwife and knew your history, I’d invite you in at the first twinge!

Almost every single veterinary person I know loathes the drama and thinks Noel Fitzpatrick is a twat....and his real name is Martin ;) I wondered about that. I actually hate him.
I know you won't believe but here goes. I'm a sheep farmer. We actually love our sheep. When our best tup died my shepherdess and I stood crying in a bloody field.

Teacher.

I swear silently very often. And we have phrases that we use as code. I am particularly fond of 'focus' / fuck off cause you're stupid.

When the little darlings tell me to fuck off, it often takes every ounce of self control not to say it back.

Moo hahaha I've said at the first contraction I'm grabbing a midwife and hand cuffing her to me! Last time I sent DP to work (it was fine, he has a whole nervous work day), wouldn't next time.

puzzledandpissedoff
Sorry just saw your comment. In some cases an acute illness highlights how ill a person is and sometimes that makes it easier for the patient / relative to address these issues. This is probably where most DNACPR discussions are had (in hospital at least). I think for those people having the discussion may help them to accept what is coming and prepare themselves for it. Especially the knowledge that they / their loved one can die with their family around them if that’s what they want, and no medical interventions. I’d like to think it provides some level of comfort in that respect. Many older people have a clear view on resuscitation and IME the vast majority would not want to be resuscitated if they died in hospital. Unfortunately few consider this until they are forced to, so it is not unusual to find a 90-something year old on the ward who is for resuscitation because no-one has asked her what she wants or even thought about it. The chances of successful CPR in that age group is so low that IMO it would be cruel. My personal view is that it would almost be a violation of her right to dignity to attempt CPR (in that particular scenario) and so it should be an obligation for those treating her to discuss her preferences.

Sorry meant to tag @puzzledandpissedoff

Registrar of births, deaths and marriages.

If you call your baby a stupid or made up name then I we will judge you.

I will always try to find something complimentary to say about every bride, even if the only nice thing I can find to say is that I like her nails / lipstick colour etc. My 2 favourites were the bride who wore a strapless dress with a very obvious pair of handprints tattooed atop each breast and the bride with a strapless dress that slipped down during the ceremony exposing her aureoles

And please make sure that your relative is actually already dead before you ring to make an appointment to register their death.

When I worked at a very big international steel company, they fiddled the year end result by holding back paying the Suppliers for months, then did a massive payment run on the Friday, year end date was following Sunday. Think £250 million, system worked by closing the invoices off as paid on the Friday but didn't clear the bank while the following Tuesday, so showing invoices paid but money still in bank. When I pointed out it was fraud I was quickly asked to leave the meeting.

In some cases an acute illness highlights how ill a person is ... I think for those people having the discussion may help them to accept what is coming and prepare themselves for it

Even as someone with no medical expertise that makes perfect sense to me; the idea of a very sick 90 year old suffering CPR is just dreadful

As I said, this whole thing really should have more prominence than it does

@Theyvallgone you've made me cry! When you've given birth to angel babies can't tell you how much it means to have that level of empathy. My twins would have been 23 in January and I still remember the wonderful midwife who stayed all night with me. Thank you for doing what you do 🙏 xxx