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Biggest cultural shock you have come across?

731 replies

hibbledobble · 08/05/2017 14:11

What have you encountered while travelling that was your biggest cultural shock?

I'll go first: in Poland I saw families/extended families living 10+ in a 2 bedroom home. The concept of having a bedroom or even a bed to oneself is seemingly unheard of. Everyone sleeps in different beds each night, and beds are often shared. Having visitors in this set up is no problem either: everyone just rearranges. Water also came from Wells, lots of homes had no bathrooms. Ovens were these metal beasts that were plugged into the mains.

OP posts:
BlastedtoSmithereens · 10/05/2017 12:10

free just read your post on page 20 and it made me cry. Hardly do you hear stories like that anymore. You sound like a lovely family.

quencher · 10/05/2017 12:14

I remember trying to explain the uk class system to my cousin. She could not understand it. Her only understanding of class was those who "work and have jobs as working class and those who don't.

Where am from the concept of invitation didn't exist or still does not. People just turn up at your house. People will travel for two days and just turn up. No notice given most doors are left open during the day when someone is home. If I arrive and the door is closed, it means people are not home. You walk away.

In the uk you know someone has adopted British ways when,
They call people turning up to your house.
They expect a phone call before coming
They don't expect to be fed when they turn up
The amount of sugar they drink changes to two tea spoons.
They don't boil their milk with tea in the same kettle or source pan but add it to their tea from a jug.
Tea with milk isn't referred to as English tea any more. And you start to refer to what was known as normal tea as tea with water (I can't translate properly)
When every day normal potatoes is no longer sweet potatoes but potatoes. (From Irish/English potatoes to just potatoes).
When you know the amount of people attending your wedding and not the whole village and there relatives too from another village turning up.
When you don't have to cook food with random people turning up in mind. Just in case.

Once my mum and group of family members and friends where watching question time. Two of them demanded they were to be taken to BBC question time because the people where talking rubbish. They didn't know you had to be invited. Secondly, that it's filmed in advance. Thirdly, that it might not be nearby, they assumed they would just be let in. Not forgetting the show airs a 10pm

When you go to a cafe to order a hot beverage and you don't have to question whether to ask for an escort. Not to be stared at like you have just asked for a prostitute instead of biscuit/ doughnuts or whatever nibble you want.

To use the word "walk someone to the door" instead escort you to the door. Not only that. You don't walk with that person half way to their house sometimes because they are too polite or scared to say thank you , I can walk from here.

You don't have to use the word soda instead of fizzy drink.
When you don't have to involve all of your family members including extended ones in your marital issues.

When you can't just move in with a relative because you don't like at your house.

When meat isn't a priority but any other food on the plate and they have equal value or vegetables are sometimes seen as better for you.

When you don't have to insist your child seats with a guest you have invited when eating. And also share the same food.

When you don't remember the last time you used your fingers to eat food instead of a knife and fork. More so, if it's the traditional food that is not English.

When the word "please" becomes a concept you can grasp and understand and at the end or beginning of every sentence when asking for something because it's considered polite and not the tone of your voice as way to plead and ask things.

You have learnt not to kneel down when greeting someone elderly person. When you don't mind when someone you does not understand this calls you an English child.

When rudeness to elderly people is seen as ok and you don't flinch when that happens.

The concept of old people living alone becomes acceptable and it no longer bothers you.

When you feel pity and sadness when you see street children on tv and you would not have butted an eyelid before.

When all dogs sleep in the house and not outside and fed scraps. (I know someone who had food that was going off and offered it to their neighbour to feed the dog, and thought it was acceptable behaviour. I had to explain why it was so wrong to do so in England)

When you can sort off grasp why and how some people love their dogs more than humans and not see it as white thing.
When your normal clothes become traditional clothes and you refer to them as that. Only now reserved for special occasions of cultural purpose.

When your children can eat fish fingers and not feel like you are making a protest by not giving them your traditional food.

Phew! I could go on.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 10/05/2017 12:28

We really wanted to immerse ourselves but it was so hard with everyone trying to practise their English constantly.

Same in Germany. Especially amongst young people - speaking English is 'cool' and they jump at the chance to show off. As I'm sure I would in their situation!

quencher · 10/05/2017 12:36

You can live in the uk and not see one bicycle with wing mirrors.
You don't have to think about electricity and water as long as you pay your bills.
You learn that there is no such thing as "pick what you want" on the side of the road but on rare occasion someone one will put things out stead of binning for people to take.
You can actually move into a semi furnish house if that's is what you are looking for for renting.
Houses and flats are counted by the number of bedrooms and not rooms in the house.
You expect to find the toilet, kitchen inside and it's expected.
You don't look for a septic tank in the back yard and not plan for when it needs draining.
a bungalow meaning a one floor house and not a mansion with a boys quarter where your servants live away from the main house.

Crowshay · 10/05/2017 12:47

Mommybunny - how infuriatingly patronising!

Conversely though, the French, when confronted with a foreigner who only knows rusty GCSE French, often refuse to translate even if their English is half decent! But I like that though, must be much easier to learn French in France because of that attitude. Italians are ruining their language with far too many (often dreadful) anglocisms in the process of being too keen about English.

BarbaraofSeville · 10/05/2017 12:49

quencher

Reading your list, I can't help thinking that MN AIBU would have a field day with some of those, especially the wedding and visiting/feeding relatives ones.

I am British and I don't really understand the class system, so I can see how bonkers it must seem to other nationalities.

People probably disagree with me, but I think that, for a lot of people, there is a lot of overlap between middle and working class, that it isn't really relevant though.

EBearhug · 10/05/2017 12:53

You don't have to think about electricity and water as long as you pay your bills.

Unless you live in a rural area at the end of the line. You need to be prepared for power cuts, at least.

CheersMedea · 10/05/2017 13:38

StrangeLookingParasite

Some tourists are just ferociously rude. I evidently blend in as French, and was standing in rue Cler once, and one approached me and just barked 'Eiffel Tower' at me. No excusez-moi/excuse me/désolée, je ne parlais pas français, rien.

Not what you were talking about I know, but re barking, I remember being told that because a number of Asian languages (Chinese, Japanese) emphasise every syllable that people with such a mother tongue typically sound very aggressive when speaking English as a second language -because they are used to emphasising every syllable which is not how English is spoken.

I found that v. interesting.

BBCNewsRave · 10/05/2017 13:47

Niki She also said she had no idea you bought salmon in tesco. There is a difference between being working class and being a total imbecile. Im struggling with how before Uni she apparently either never went to supermarket or if she did walked around it with her eyes shut. Meat, counter, cheese counter, fish counter. How can you not see?

I didn't go to a supermarket with a meat/cheese/fish counter until I was 20 or so! (I actually thought they had been brought back as a marketing ploy to make it feel you were shopping in the good old days, with specialist butchers, bakers etc. Have they actually been in some supermarkets all along?!) The supermarket where I grew up had no counters, my nearest supermarket only has a bakery counter, and there are things I can't buy there (have to go to Waitrose in posh bit of town Grin). They cater to the demographic of the area, really. Plus an 18 year old, who likely hasn't been in charge of food shopping could easily not have seen salmon in the supermarket, even if it was something their local supermarket sold.

On that note - I was baffled on being asked if I could "buy some electric" from the corner shop. Thought it was a joke. Utterly bewildered as had never encountered key meters before, and thought they were something from the 70s. Grin

brasty · 10/05/2017 13:50

When I grew up in the 70s, salmon was posh food. It wasn't until salmon started being farmed that it became much cheaper. Hell I even remember scampi being posh food.

NotCitrus · 10/05/2017 14:06

ShoutOut Not my experience in Germany - outside main tourist areas, the mere fact of being an English person speaking some German has meant loads of people being delighted to speak to me in German. They all apologise for not having spoken any English since leaving school.

As opposed to French people who wince at my accent (or worse, DP's excruciating accent) and launch into English to try to shut him up.

Thinking back to the UK, my first job after a lovely middle-class upbringing mainly in Surrey, was being a youth worker supervising "young people known to the police", for all sorts of reasons such as neglectful parents to 17yos with convictions for GBH, for a summer in inner London. Boy was that a culture shock - the constant loud music, constant shouting, how the teenagers were constantly getting into physical fights, even the ones without criminal records, the fact that bright 14yos had never heard of a university or that anyone might stay in education after 18, the bright lad whom I eventually found out could not read nor write enough to fill in a form saying 'Name, Address, Date of Birth', the prevalence of kebab and chicken shops locally, the inability of most of the kids to argue in words without hitting each other, and did I mention the constant loud crap music? One kid who sticks in my mind was a nightmare, until one of the police organisers told me he was really, really desperate for attention. He told me just to nod or say hello when I wandered past, a couple times a day. Within a week this 12yo was practically like a puppy at my heels. Sad

Obviously nowadays anyone I tell about it is shocked that I was dropped in there with my entire training being 5 minutes on how to separate fighting kids (pull their ears) and to shout for help when anyone pulled a knife. I now live about 2 miles away and the differences aren't so obvious.

Now I've travelled much more of the UK but you can really tell when you've left London for work, as meeting catering changes from platters of meat, fish, and veggie sandwiches plus fruit plus nibbles, to plates of ham sandwiches, maybe a few cheese ones, crisps and sausages and pork pies.

BlastedtoSmithereens · 10/05/2017 14:08

Posh scampi Grin

brasty · 10/05/2017 14:16

Any proper wholetail scampi was posh. But I am old. I can remember when a tiny glass of orange juice was considered a suitable starter.

reetgood · 10/05/2017 14:17

@notcitrus oh the regions, we're so delightfully backward. Maybe it's just the industry you're in.

CheersMedea · 10/05/2017 14:22

Niki She also said she had no idea you bought salmon in tesco. There is a difference between being working class and being a total imbecile. Im struggling with how before Uni she apparently either never went to supermarket or if she did walked around it with her eyes shut. Meat, counter, cheese counter, fish counter. How can you not see?

This is totally underpinned with a judgment of "my life is like this so your life must be". It's very nasty judgmental without a proper understanding that people (particularly the disadvantaged) can live very different lives to you.

Plenty of families can't afford to shop at Tescos or supermarkets with a fresh meat/fish counter. Plenty of people themselves would never visit a supermarket in a price bracket like Tescos prior to age of 18 either because they/their family couldn't afford it or because the food shopping/provision was being done

I remember being very chastened by hearing a woman from extreme poverty (severely disadvantaged socio-economic background) who had managed to get to university speaking about how she nearly left within the first two weeks because she felt she didn't fit in.

She had to work virtually full time to be able to afford to stay and to support her own family (by which I mean parents & siblings). She said she saw all these other students going out drinking, socialising and even the poorer ones could afford to do this - but she couldn't at all. She felt her background was so different that this was not for her.

She is now a business leader and an inspiration but it was a salutary lesson.

CheersMedea · 10/05/2017 14:23

*or because the food shopping/provision was being done by others in the family (eg.father/mother/grandmother/sibling)

brasty · 10/05/2017 14:26

Where I lived, as in many of the poorest communities, there was only a large co-op. That is the only supermarket we went to until my dad finally got a car. Because it was in walking distance. So the choice was not great.
Although probably different now as even Iceland and Heron do salmon. Salmon was a more expensive fish until recently.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 10/05/2017 14:30

NotCitrus yes, I only ever lived in Berlin, as a student. Not much experience of rural Germany other than day trips (with fellow English speakers!).

CheddarIsNotTheOnlyCheese · 10/05/2017 14:36

My mum used to think scampi was posh and would go "Ooh they have scampi on the menu! Must be a fancy place. " :o

treaclesoda · 10/05/2017 14:40

We have regular catered meetings in work and I promise that our sandwiches are very middle class indeed (rocket, sun dried tomatoes and the like) and I'm about as far from London as you can get without leaving the UK Wink

LaLegue · 10/05/2017 14:42

brasty DH and I were watching Mad Men yesterday and Betty Draper ordered a tomato juice as a starter and we both burst out laughing, but it was de rigueur in the 60s!

LurkingHusband · 10/05/2017 14:59

I remember trying to explain the uk class system to my cousin.

(The excellent) Reginald D. Hunter defined it as "a way of discriminating against people who look like you."

lizzieoak · 10/05/2017 15:29

Treacle, can I work in your office? My office, when they put on food for us (which we have to pay for!), always serve up ham sandwiches, turkey sandwiches, meat chilli, and cakes which seem to be sugar-flavoured. I don't eat meat, and have never worked anywhere I was the sole vegetarian, so am excluded from eating at all the work do's.

I was somewhat outside the British class system, being a foreigner, so this may not be appropriate to say, but at least in Britain it's out in the open. Canada is very class-based, including heavy snobbery towards the intelligentsia, but no-one must speak of it. At least in Britain you know why people despise you.

MatadorBowerBird · 10/05/2017 15:40

mousymary How do you know how long people have spent in a place?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/05/2017 15:46

Where I lived, as in many of the poorest communities, there was only a large co-op

And the sheer prices at the Coop don't exactly help less well off communities Hmm

Another "reverse shock" one: years ago I hosted a Ukrainian guy on a NATO "learn English" thing, and he wanted to buy his wife a pair of western trainers. Knowing he didn't have much, I took him to a discount store and had to explain that no, all those shoes weren't just there for display - they were actually for sale. He just couldn't grasp it, and was shellshocked to hear that, when those were sold, more would simply arrive from the warehouse

This was back in the days when anything worth having had to be ordered via Moscow and took 6 weeks to arrive if it arrived at all - it really was an eye opener on an utterly ruined economy