Memorable poos in inappropriate places..

[TinyGang]

Children have no decorum have they?

Poet John Betjeman is a great favourite of mine and I once had the opportunity to visit his house on holiday once. Dd was very young and christened the whole visit - or perhaps expressed her opinion of it - by doing an almighty great pooey nappy and we had to leave smartish as other visitors were surreptitiously sniffing and looking sideways at each other.

I never thought I'd be mentioning the great JB in the same breath as this

We also had a rather unfortunate episode in Osborne House under the austere gaze of Queen Victoria's portrait

You and your kids? Where have they brought you down to earth with a bump in their time honoured way?

[milliec]

Message withdrawn

[EachPeachPearMum]

cocolpew I am sitting here, with tears rolling down my face!
That is one of the funniest stories on here!

[Lollypopzmummy]

Just thought I'd share. . .
Joint birthday party for our DD1 (I was pregnant with DD2 at the time) who was 2 and my BF's DD, who was 1.

BF and I chatting whilst getting food for kids etc, BF's DP holding their DD, she suddenly squirts poop all over the place, it's up her back, down her legs, splats on his nice white trainers, on his hands etc etc.
He just stands there screaming " (BF), HELP ME!!" whilst she stands there laughing so much that she's incapable of even the tiniest moverment for about five minutes, while he's still holding their DD, at arms length, almost dropping her (and threatening to do so ) and still screaming at BF
I'll never let him live it down!
Needless to say we're not having a joint birthday party this year, they're having a small BBQ or something in their own garden, in running distance of nappies, wipes and change of clothes for all!

[OrmIrian]

Many years ago when I was about 6 we were trying to get to Luton airport to go skiing (twas meant to be Heathrow but there were endless strikes at the time). We got lost in freezing fog in the small hours of the morning. Eventually we stopped and parked up. I was desperate for a poo. Mum hauled me out of the car and found me a field gate to climb over to do the neccessary. Bit later the fog cleared a little and the field gate turned out to be someone's garden gate .

So....if anyone lived somewhere near Luton in the early 70s and wondered how/why there was poo on their front lawn one January morning....I am truly sorry.

[SecondMrsDeWinter]

My little sister about 18 years ago did the wee wee dance in queue for the chairlifts at pleasurewood hills. My Dad decided that as we had been in queue for about 45 mins already he would just bop her to the side for a quick wee. Little sis proceeded to grunt, turn bright red and poop in the space of a nanosecond, loud enough for all to notice!!

[PandaG]

thanks LL - I laughed the first time I read this over 2 years ago, and laughed again today, tears rolling down my cheeks!

[AmpersandAway]

Brilliant thread, brings back too many shuddersome memories. Thanks from a newbie, LL.

DS1 was about 8 months old, I was having a lie in while he and DH had breakfast in the kitchen. As I walked in to put my cup in the sink I looked up to see DS, who was going through a sharing stage, proffering a handful of something to DH. Without taking his eyes off the paper, DH leaned over to have a bite and was only saved by my horrified shout of 'no, don't, it's shit!'.

More recently, I was at a cafe with a friend and our respective broods. Her 5 year old DS insisted on going to the loo on his own. It was close by, she's generally relaxed and was happy to let him go and keep chatting until a voice piped up 'mummy is my bottom clean?'. He was standing at the top of the steps with his pants round his ankles, his bottom in the air and his cheeks helpfully parted so that she, and everybody else in the place, could check.

[littlestrawberry]

This thread is hilarious.

When DS2 was about 8-9 months old he had a check up at baby clinic. Anyway he had a bit of a sore bottom so being a good mum I smothered him in sudacrem. I was undressing him to get him weighed and when I undid his nappy and took it off this slightly grey coloured little ball rolled out. So there I am thinking bugger he's done a poo, knowing full well its the colour it is because he was smothered in sudacrem and the HV picks it up and says whats this, looks like a marble. Why has he a marble in his nappy kind of thing. I just shrugged my shoulders and carried on. I was so stunned she didn't realise it was poo and too embarrassed to say anything as she's holding it in her hand. So I left her with this ball of my sons poo on her table

Never went back after that.

[Spidermama]

It was my fortieth birthday. Instead of our original plans which involved dh and I, child-free in Venice, we ended up in London with all four kids.

We'd been on the Eye and were sitting in a posh restaurant over-looking the Thames.

It was then I noticed a growing puddle of diarrhoea growing beneath the high chair.

I still feel I'm owed a poo-free fortieth birthday treat.

[solidgoldskullonastick]

Can I just add this?

[wehaveallbeenthere]

(sigh) First formal sitting for family pictures. Needless to say they never got done.

[wehaveallbeenthere]

Whatever you do avoid apple products at any cost. It pulls the water from the child's system to the gut making for a poo explosion. This I found out with same child while waiting for the cleaning inspector so we could leave the military housing and the island. My child literally had me scrambling to get poo off the floor, walls and ceiling before the inspector arrived.

[wehaveallbeenthere]

The first time your family is hit with a case of the stomach flu you will learn lots of survival tricks. Such as having a personal bucket for each ill member...lining the beds with mildew resistant shower curtains that can be hosed off if needed. You have an on and off love affair with cleaning products.

[AmpersandAway]

wehaveallbeenthere, you've just reminded me of a fabulous week in Tours. DS, 6 months old at the time, came down with his first stomach flu (accompanied by DH, though it wasn't his first) and would only eat yoghurt or fruit puree. We were in a borrowed flat with, thankfully, flagged stone floors. DS morphed from a cheery baby into a wailing shit-machine and proceeded to hose me, the flat and anything else in the vicinity with huge gouts of foul-smelling, bright yellow liquid poo around the clock.

Imagine my delight when the (childless) friends who lent us the flat decided to unexpectedly return home a day early so we'd have time to catch up over a leisurely dinner.

[SamJohnsMum]

Thanks for pointing me towards the CountessDracula post - I haven't laughed that much in ages. Priceless.

DH and I were having lunch with his brother and sister-in-law when their three year-old son appeared at the table to proudly show us all the poo in his own pants - "look what I've done". He seemed quite pleased with himself but his parents were pretty mortified!!

[DorisIsAPinkDragon]

at a service station on the M6 dd2 just started on antibiotics for chest infection. Sat on a wooden high chair ready for breakfast. Poos (and poos) (and poos some more) Dh off buying said breakfast for us

Poo starts running out of dd2's nappy and straight off wooden highchair onto floor, at which point I realise we are sat in carpeted section ..... try to clean but more dripping from above.....can not clean until dd moved can not leave dd1 alone to take dd2 to bathroom for a complete change.... have to wait nearly 5 mins for dh to join us cue me holding dd2 at arms length hissing instructions to dh to deal with the carpet whilst runing for the baby change

Note to self never ever stop at that services again

[Marina]

Surely we have to add Fabio's little offering this afternoon to this thread?

[Marina]

A little something earlier this evening kerry

[wehaveallbeenthere]

Oh my!!! I was reading through this and remembered one of my children talking about stopping at a McDonald's on the highway with a play area with one of those cages filled with plastic balls. DH was traveling with them and since it was a 6 hour drive he wasn't about to turn dinner into a play time so they weren't allowed to go in.
While they were watching (sighing and watching) the play area full of children an older child went over to fetch a younger sibling out of the balls (there were 3 others from other families in there also and all without shoes) he shouts back to his mother, " is naked from the waist down and peed!!!". Every parent ran to retrieve their children but the three had wet feet. DH was happily the non fun parent.
Another time though (same route, different trip) he made the mistake of letting them have soda with lunch. The youngest got car sick and vomited causing the next oldest to vomit. He was a block and a half from the destination and had to have the car professionally cleaned to get the vomit out of the leather and upholstery.

[HairyToadsandHobgoblins]

I was 6 and stood a few feet away from my mum changing my baby (bf)sister's nappy on her lap. Next thing I knew I was covered from head to toe in warm brown stuff. Unfortunately I must have been open mouthed in horror.

[CardyMow]

ROFFLE!! My poo stories: DD was one of those poo-up-the-back-and-in-the-hair BF babies. 6 Months old, in her christening gown, waiting to go into the service...cue explosion EVERYWHERE. I didn't have time to go home and change her, so ended up rinsing her under the taps in the supermarket loos, and she got christened in a bright orange dress as it was the only dress on offer! With DS2, I was in a meeting with the headmaster of the primary school to decide if the MS school could take him. (he must have been 4.6 at the time, but has SN and had only very recently been toilet trained). He was sat in his mac major in the office, and he waited for a lull in the conversation to say "Mr Head man I done a poo can you smell it? You want to see it?" Then proceeded to put his hands down his pants to pull out a handful to show the headteacher...AARRGGHH!