Memorable poos in inappropriate places..

[TinyGang]

Children have no decorum have they?

Poet John Betjeman is a great favourite of mine and I once had the opportunity to visit his house on holiday once. Dd was very young and christened the whole visit - or perhaps expressed her opinion of it - by doing an almighty great pooey nappy and we had to leave smartish as other visitors were surreptitiously sniffing and looking sideways at each other.

I never thought I'd be mentioning the great JB in the same breath as this

We also had a rather unfortunate episode in Osborne House under the austere gaze of Queen Victoria's portrait

You and your kids? Where have they brought you down to earth with a bump in their time honoured way?

[whomovedmychocolate]

cat crapped it

[orangehead]

When ds2 was 3 he was already potty trained so was in underpants but all of a sudden got diarrhea in sainsurys, which went right through his pants and onto the floor in the middle of sainsburys

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

Childminder took dd when she was 5 swimming at local David Lloyd club. A poo was spotted floating in the pool and it had to be shut down for 24hrs and cleaned. I know the manager and she wasn't impressed.

DD confessed the next day it was her. Her swimsuit was a bit baggy and it floated out and bobbed along without CM realising it was her.

[shrooms]

I have laughed my way senseless through this thread and had to share what happened a few years ago...

DS was 3 and him, DH and I were at waterloo station to meet with friends for the day. He didn't say once that he needed a poo during the train journey but as soon as we got off told us he had to go. It is 20p to go in to the loos and so there's DH and I rummaging in our pockets for a bloody 20p piece, see our friends approaching and wave whilst DS is squirming around telling us to hurry.

The friends come over and I very rudely in a blind panic carry on searching for coins, to find that I haven't got one at all, shout loudly at mates "Have you got 20 pence DS is bursting for a poo!" in the middle of waterloo station. They start searching for coins and just as friends DH produces a 20p peice, DS with classic timing announces "too late"... he had done a huge shite in his pants. To this day my friend tapes a 20p coin in his birthday cards and writes "don't spend it all at once" - he is eight!

[Whizzz]

I was just going to add my story but then realised I already had on 13 Jun 06

[StripeyMamaSpanx]

When dd was 2 and about half potty trained, we visited friends who had a similarly aged child. The adults were sat in the kitchen having a beer while the kids played happily, until we heard rather more happiness than we felt comfortable.

One of them had done a poo in the potty and they were now both busy serving it up on tea-party plates.

We don't think they actually ate any of it.

[giggly]

On holiday last year when dd was 18 months. I was on the beach with her by myself and had taken her nappy off to let the air about her bits.
A very cute young guy was the nearest person to us(within sniffing distance) when she shouted to me opps, poo out mum.
I had nothing with me as dh had taken everything to the car. Cute guy dug a huge hole for the poo and I rather elegantly shoved it in followed by a quick exit from the beach.

[electra]

Dd2, when she was about 2, went through a phase of putting her poos in toy crockery. Oh the mess.......

[jellies]

While toilet training DS1 he was great with wees.. but not soo with poo
I left him one morning finishing his breakfast to change the baby and came back when he said 'i finished' expecting to clear his plate only to find he'd finished doing a poo on the plate
In another incident I met a friend at lego land where he emptied one of the large buckets of lego an pee'd in it! But they very kindly did not make me pay for it

[serin]

DH was in the bath when I convinced him it would be a good idea to let 4 week old DD get in with him to enjoy a bit of bonding!
He was a bit reluctant in case he dropped her but I reassured him all would be fine.......if only.......after about 2 minutes she did the biggest squirtiest poo ever, all over his chest!!!

[verylittlecarrot]

Nice lady I met at baby cafe came to my house to pick up a spare sling of mine. Her 10 week son needed a change so I took her to the changing table in my baby's room, and installed myself with my dd in the rocking chair whilst nice lady changed her ds nappy.

Couldn't see her baby directly as she obstructed my view, but had perfectly clear view of her son's liquid poo suddenly and gracefully arcing through the air, and majestically splatting on the freshly painted nursery wall, only for it to slide, drippily, down to the new carpet below.

With accompanying staccato squelch / splat noises.

The faster she endeavoured to clean the table/wall/carpet, and stem the flow, and apologise profusely, the more her little boy fired off further volleys. Some entire packet of baby wipes later the incontinent episode drew to a close. The poor lady was mortified. I was crying with laughter.

[avenanap]

These are hilarious. I've only just managed to stop crying. Havn't laughed like this for a long while.
Spotted a small boy peeing in the window of a primark store, I bet his mum was proud. My son did a projectile poo over my mum's chair and wall, he was only 4 weeks, I was changing him and it just shot out. I have video footage of him peeing in the sea at felixtow. This will come in handy when he brings his first girlfriend home.

[Sixer]

down the lane in the bushes where we used to play. Now i'm off to bed.

[magicmummy]

At my friends house when her 2 ds's came in absolutely filthy.
Assuming by the state of them they had been making mud pies, I called my friend to tell her to run a bath for them as they were covered in mud.
She replied, "but we don't have any mud, it's all concrete round the back".
I asked the kids what they had been doing and the reply was:
"Making poo pies"
They had both pooed in the back garden and made their version of mud pies with it....
Full marks for improvising i guess.....

[RedFraggle]

I was having a bath with dd when she was about 5 months old. DH was getting her out and I was planning to add a bit more hot water and stay in for a soak. Needless to say, my plans changed when I was lots of bits of poo floating past me! I was out the bath in seconds, gave it a bloody good clean and then got a shower - not quite the relaxing session I was expecting!

[Minkus]

Sadly this isn't about a child.

When sharing a rented house with friends about 8 years ago, there was only one loo. It was occupied (housemates were a couple and used to shag noisily and for long periods of time in there as well as everywhere else in the house)

I was desperate for a pooh, and as said loo was in use I had to resort to using one of their tupperware lunchboxes. Hid it under my bed and as soon as they emerged I hastily retrieved said pooh and flushed it away, then hid washed lunchbox at the bottom of the kitchen bin.

Worst thing was that my boyfriend was with me and he was absolutely mortified, but I was going to do it in my pants otherwise. He's now my dh though

[michie40]

just discovered this thread and it has really cheered me up so I just though I would share DD1 pooing incidents.
When she was 2 we where negotiating increasing our mortgage and selling our little two bed terrace. This involved going into Nationwide and discussing our mortgage in one of their tiny posh offices behind the scenes.
DH and I obviously had to bring DD1 with us and it was all a bit stressful as buying houses always is. Anyway arrive on time, and we are in the room 5min and there is a terrible smell coming from dd1. Its a tiny room so you cant ignore it - and its one of those spreading lava type poos that go all the way up the back.
Now Nationwide - understandably - dont have baby change facilities and I have to change her on the floor outside the offices - with all the people in smart suits walking by wondering what the hells going on with this screaming half naked two year old writhing in poo on the floor.
Anyway we got our mortgage and she then developed a liking for pooing in show homes.

[mummyjenjen]

haha great topic! my DS was a very noisy pooer as a newborn and when we took him to be registered he just laid there making very loud unfortunate 'trumping' noises as he screwed his face up and turned red! we all couldnt help but nearly wet our selves laughing even the registra!

[cyteen]

I am simultaneously weeping with laughter at these hilarious stories, and weeping with horror as I contemplate my own poo-filled future //

[reikizen]

I walked in to my dd2 (18 months) this morning to find she had taken off her enormous pooey nappy and was swinging it around her head whilst singing. Bless.

[maidamess]

My ds, now 7 has always been a prolific poo-er (his father is so proud)

As a baby, he would poo when ever we took his nappy off and lay him on the bed.

We stood clutching each other, watching in horror one day as it started to come out...it was a foot long, and changed colour three times.

[cocolepew]

I was invited to a mums house who I had got to know at M&T. DD1 went to the loo and seemed to be taking longer than usual. On the way home she said 'Mum, I couldn't flush my poo away'. 'That's ok' says I 'X will flush it, when she notices.'
'Don't worry mummy, I took it back out of the toilet, it's in my pocket.'
I went and she got all huffy, because 'I did wash my hands'.

[jellybelly2007]

My DS1 was about 7, and I had taken him to the local fair. He was playing in a soft play/ball pool type thing, when he ran out and told me he'd had the runs. I took him behind a catering trailer, and asked the lady serving for some napkins to clean him up. She gave me 2!!! and refused to give me any more. I explained our predicament, but she still refused (I could see 2 full unopened packets behind her). I then offered to pay £5 for a handful, but the bloody cow was having none of it. I went back to DS1, took his pants off, cleaned him up with the 2 napkins I had, and slung his shitty keks under her catering van. The smell was so bad, you could see people about to stop, take a whiff and move onto the next van. Serves the mean old bitch right!!

[biglips]

when my dd was about 15 months old and was having her nap, i used to smell the pong from the bottom of our stairs and i knew there and then whats the hell she had done!!......i opened her bedroom door and there she was ....she had smeared it all over the carpet and walls and radiator and also all over her body, legs and face....im sure she thought it was moisturiser as whilst i was telling her off she was so tempted to lick it off her fingers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!